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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26324935">Souls A'Fire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisbarnes/pseuds/louisbarnes'>louisbarnes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Bucky Barnes &amp; Liam Payne Friendship, Bucky does a bad thing, But plenty of kissing, Captain America canon does not exist, Dubious Ethics, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I cant believe that's not a tag cmon, Liam Payne &amp; Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Louis Tomlinson is A Brat, M/M, Mentions of low key surgical procedures, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, No Smut, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, SO, Set in America, Slow Burn, Unreliable Narrator, apologies in advance, bc im a mess so bucky's a mess, but I am not american so forgive me, i have made all my own rules, it's more alluded to than anything else, kind of slow burn, mentions of other Avengers, mostly zombie stuff!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:27:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>55,297</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26324935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisbarnes/pseuds/louisbarnes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson just wants to find his family.</p>
<p>Bucky Barnes just wants a life worth living.</p>
<p>A Lucky Apocalypse AU</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Louis Tomlinson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Louis Tomlinson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Louis and Men Fest</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Your Soul is A'Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title and chapter names based off <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/7nJn5fGLc6ViWm18HcNiln?si=jpHwRaeoRWGo6b2LC70IMg">this song</a></p>
<p>Listen to the <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/41PJT71galOlp9e2uUxXNC?si=qARQKoxNR869JHB7nCba0A">playlist</a> of songs that inspired me or remind me of this fic</p>
<p>A big thank you to my lovely <a href="https://illmakefrenchtoast.tumblr.com/">beta</a></p>
<p>Find me on <a href="twitter.com/wallsbucky">Twitter</a> and <a href="https://tomlinsonbarnes.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Living in the woods had its perks.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The air was crisp and fresh, especially compared to the polluted air in the cities, and there was always a nice breeze. The sky was clear, and the stars shone bright in a way Bucky had not seen since he was a child, when the horizon wasn’t packed with skyscrapers and illuminated billboards didn’t line the highways. It was also quiet, soft birdsong in the mornings and - if Bucky listened carefully enough - the chaos of the river a few hundred metres into the woods. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was because of the usual serenity of the quiet that Bucky could easily pick up on any disruption to the typical traffic of wild animals and the undead that tracked through these parts of the woods. He closed the book he was reading and set it aside. He slowly stood from the overstuffed armchair he had settled in and reached for one of his knives. It wasn’t the first time he had heard the undead come across an unsuspecting traveller, but he always stayed alert in case they managed to fight the undead off. So far, none of them had. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It took another minute of waiting for him to be able to hear rushed footsteps and a conversation too frantic to stay hushed. He could hear at least two sets of footsteps, one’s gait unsteady. Pulling the front door of his cabin open, he stepped out onto the small porch and let his eyes adjust to the darkness around him. Bucky picked his way through the barricades set up around the edge of the cabin, killing any stray undead that had managed to impale themselves on the wooden spikes. Wiping his knife clean on the sleeve of his jacket, he headed towards where he last heard the footsteps, the woods worryingly quiet again. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He found them only a few hundred metres away from his cabin, one of them leant up against a tree and the other standing in front of their companion, knife raised as the undead approached. Bucky felt his stomach flutter and frowned at the feeling - what was there to be nervous about? He had taken down packs of the undead thrice the size of this one on his own without even blinking - Hell, he had taken down </span>
  <em>
    <span>alien super villains </span>
  </em>
  <span>before. Six undead with the help of a - albeit slight and clearly exhausted - stranger was child’s play.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The travellers didn’t seem to notice they were surrounded, the one slumped against the tree staring down at their leg as they held two hands over a rather worrying wound, and the other simply not checking his back. Bucky heaved a sigh, stalking forward and grabbing the undead heading straight towards the injured man, who was none the wiser. He yanked the undead back, burying his knife under its chin, taking care to avoid its flailing hands. It went limp against him and he dropped the body, focus turning towards the rest of the undead, who now had their eyes trained on Bucky rather than the exhausted stranger. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He could feel his heart rate increasing, the adrenaline of an oncoming fight thrumming under his skin. It had been a while since he had the need to fight any of the undead, as secluded in his cabin as he was, and he was surprised to realise that he had missed the excitement of it. He couldn’t help but grin as the first one lunged towards him, letting out a garbled cry. Bucky stabbed it through its eye socket, kicking its body off his knife and running the blade across the throat of another. It fell to the ground, reaching for him, before Bucky crushed its skull under his boot.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The uninjured traveller broke out of his shock, running forward and stabbing one of the undead through the back of its head. He yanked his knife out as the undead fell and looked at Bucky with panicked eyes. Bucky heard the undead behind him too late, teeth biting down on his left arm as he spun around to avoid the rotten thing biting his neck. The metal plates of his arm shifted against the pressure of the bite, Bucky making quick work of putting the undead down. The other traveller looked horrified, and Bucky realised it was because the metal of his arm was covered with his jacket, and he probably thought Bucky was going to get infected. He ignored the stranger watching him as he took down the last of the undead and made his way towards the injured man. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you hurt?” Bucky’s voice was hoarse, barely audible to any ears but his own. He cleared his throat and asked the question again. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The injured man’s eyes were full of worry, and Bucky didn’t miss them flicking down to look at his left arm. “My thigh. Stab wound,” he added after some deliberation and Bucky nodded, moving the man’s hands away from his thigh to get a closer look. There was a gash starting mid-thigh and ending just above his knee, blood caked around the wound, but current bleeding was at a minimum as the cut wasn’t deep. That was good news for the traveller.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Get away from him!” The yell was accompanied by a shove, but Bucky barely swayed at the impact, even in his crouched position. “You’re going to get him infected.” The man spat, and Bucky fought the urge to roll his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not.” He sounded bored, even to his own ears, and he saw the other man’s eyes flash with rage. “Help me get him up, or he will die here.” Bucky already knew that more of the undead would be following the sounds of the commotion and leaving these men in the woods would practically be using them as live bait. The man’s injuries wouldn’t kill him - not unless they got infected - but there was no way the slighter of the two would be able to protect them from any undead, not in his fatigued state. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So you can turn and infect us? Fuck off.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not infected. Follow me and bring him, or you can both die out here.” Bucky turned on his heel, kicking one of the undead as he slowly walked away from the travellers. He knew they were going to follow him - they may have been terrible survivors, but they didn’t seem overly idiotic or suicidal - but how long it would take for the injured one to convince his companion was another story altogether.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky could have flashed them the metal arm and assured them that everything would be okay, but he didn’t like exposing his arm to strangers - not these days. Someone like Bucky would be a hot commodity and he didn’t want to take any risks; granted, it would be a lot to try to take Bucky against his will and not a lot of people could succeed, but he didn’t want to give anyone enough reason to </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He also didn’t want to scare the travellers - everybody and their mother knew the story of Bucky Barnes, The Winter Soldier, but not everybody was as open to listening to his full story; that was the sole reason he was alone in the woods, after all, and he didn’t want to give the first people he had seen in almost two years any reason to distrust him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His pace was slow as he made way to his cabin, scanning the trees for any undead that may have been close when the fight had happened. There were no signs of life - do the undead count as still having signs of life? - other than the travellers trying to catch up with Bucky. He tried to fight a smile. They walked alongside him when they finally caught up, but neither party cared to strike up a conversation. The two men were talking amongst themselves and Bucky tuned them out, not caring to eavesdrop. He may have been brainwashed for seventy years and he may have not had any form of human interaction that had not been over a radio in over a year, but he knew that people didn’t take kindly to strangers listening into their conversations. Even if Bucky couldn’t help it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>One of the men gasped as they approached Bucky’s barricades, but Bucky ignored it, only offering a quick warning to watch their step and follow his lead to get safely through them. Bucky dumped his knife on the coffee table as they entered the cabin, gesturing for the injured man to make his way to the small dining table shoved into the corner between the kitchen and living room. He looked wary but sat down anyway, eyes following Bucky as he retrieved a first aid kit and a box of gloves from a small hatch next to the fireplace. All of Bucky’s valuables were hidden in that hatch - first aid kit, extra weapons, a readily-packed bag full of rations and water, and a spare radio - so in the off chance his cabin was ever raided, he could still survive with what he had. He had built it himself when he got bored about six months into hiding out, when he couldn’t stop overthinking and needed to do something with his hands before he flipped. That was also the same week he started working on his barricades.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Water?” Bucky asked and the men looked at him in confusion, distrust already showing heavily in the smaller man’s gaze. “Would you like some water? To drink?” Bucky tried again, fighting the urge to groan in frustration. He thought learning how to communicate properly after his Hydra programming was reversed, but at least he had </span>
  <em>
    <span>talked</span>
  </em>
  <span> to people during that time. He felt like a caveman, communicating in one-word sentences and short grunts.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” the injured man answered, offering an awkward smile. Bucky nodded and put the first aid kit on the table, the other man watching him with careful eyes. Bucky ignored him, grabbing two glasses from the kitchen and filling them up with water straight from the tap. “You have running water?” The awe in the man’s voice was clear and Bucky huffed a half-laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Please don’t touch that,” he added as the other man opened the first aid kit and started digging through. He rolled his eyes but sat back, picking at his own nails. His hair was long and shaggy, hanging in his eyes in a way that would have been uncomfortable - Bucky knew from personal experience. His jaw was outlined with facial hair that was on the brink of being a beard, and Bucky couldn’t help but see a bit of himself in that man as his eyes darted around the room, trying to catalogue everything in it. His companion, who was actively avoiding looking at his wound as if that in itself was going to fix the problem, had obviously decided to hack his hair off with a knife, strands uneven but out of his face. He also had a decent growth of stubble, but his was patchy, as if he had tried to shave with the very same knife. Bucky made a mental note to offer them a razor as soon as he fixed the man’s leg.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” the injured man took the glass off him as it was offered, the other man not looking at Bucky but grunting his thanks. Bucky just grabbed another chair and pulled it around to sit in front of the injured man, placing the first aid kit on his lap and slipping the gloves on. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Put your leg up.” It was more of a demand than a request, but the injured man didn’t seem to mind, grabbing his calf with both hands and resting his heel on his friend’s chair. He cut the man’s pants above the wound and inspected it more closely. His first impressions weren’t far off, the cut maybe a tad deeper than Bucky had originally thought - a few stitches and some resting time, and he would be fine. He relayed that information and both of the travellers let out relieved sighs. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He got to work, cleaning the wound and setting up his silk thread to close the gash. Both men were watching him carefully, the other man’s hands twitching every time Bucky’s left arm got too close to the wound for comfort. The injured man’s leg was shaking slightly, and Bucky heard him wince as he started the process of closing the wound, but they mostly remained silent as he worked.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“My name is Liam,” the injured man - Liam - broke the silence when Bucky was halfway through stitching his leg. “That’s Louis,” he added when the other man didn’t say anything. Louis huffed in frustration and crossed his arms over his chest but didn’t show any more objection to Bucky knowing his name.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“James,” Bucky offered, his voice steady even as he avoided eye contact, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for helping us.” Bucky nodded, acknowledging the olive branch but not knowing what to say in return. His people skills were very, very rusty. “We probably would have been fucked if you didn’t show up,” he continued, swayed not by Bucky’s lack of response, “We’ve been doing pretty well so far, but they really got the jump on us that time.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen for the birds.” Bucky spoke after the silence stretched out for an uncomfortable amount of time, Liam obviously running out of things to say.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The birds. And insects. They’ll be silent if there’s danger nearby,” he explained, finishing up the last of the stitching and packing his things away. “Are you injured?” He turned to Louis, unsurprised to find the man’s eyes already on him. They were blazing in the low light of the cabin, and if Bucky were a different man, he would probably be intimidated.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but you are,” he practically spat the words, hand lazily gesturing to the arm the undead had bitten.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky’s lips twitched, barely enough to be considered a smile. “I’m not injured.” He pushed his chair back, returning the first aid kit to its hiding place. “Need food?” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you have some to spare - we don’t want to put you out,” Liam looked sheepish, and Bucky waved him off, slipping the plastic gloves off and tucking his hand into the sleeve of his jacket. He moved to another hatch, this time by the front door, and grabbed a few cans of non-perishable foods. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I could offer you something fresh, but not after dark,” Bucky placed the cans on the dining table, fetching bowls and spoons for the men. He couldn’t remember the last time he had hosted anyone - probably Steve before the war, when he finally convinced Steve to join his family for dinner.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why ‘not after dark’?” It was Louis that spoke this time, and Bucky fought the urge to outwardly react. It was the first thing he had said that wasn’t dripping in malice, but rather curiosity.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Got a makeshift greenhouse. Safer to go during the day,” Bucky explained, opening one of the cans for himself and digging in with the spoon. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, keeping his distance from the travellers in an effort to make them feel more comfortable, but the gesture just made him seem more distant.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got a pretty cool setup here,” Liam remarked, gesturing to the cabin. It was a pretty sweet setup, Bucky had to admit, but it sent a stab of pain through his heart as he remembered why he was stationed in the middle of the woods by himself. He cleared his throat and offered the travellers his half-full can.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It belongs to a friend of mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. . . Are they-?” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Bucky cut Liam off, offering no further explanation. “You can stay here tonight, and for the next few days - you both need to rest, especially with that leg.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be fine,” Louis rebutted, eyes once again burning as they met Bucky’s. His jaw was set in a hard line, and his posture was defensive - back straight, a clenched fist resting on his thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He won’t make it a day on that leg. You’re both fatigued, and I would rather not have you visiting me as undead because you were too stubborn to take a room for the night. You can either stay here or die out there.” Bucky shrugged as if it made no difference to him, striding towards the hallway. “Bathroom is the door at the end, and there’s a spare room to the right. Towels are in the cupboard in the bathroom, there’s spare toothbrushes and razors in there, too. I’ll leave clothes outside the door. If you decide to flirt with death and leave, make sure you lock the door on your way out and don’t impale yourself on the barrier. Goodnight, Liam and Louis.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He turned on his heel and made straight for his bedroom, closing the door behind him and shucking off his jacket. He was suddenly exhausted, the full weight of his fatigue settling in his bones as he sat on the edge of his bed, running his hands over his face. He could hear the travellers talking as he toed off his boots, their voices soft but audible if Bucky focused.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re staying,” It was Liam’s voice, unwavering as he made the decision. “Don’t start, Louis. He’s right, we will die with my leg and you look like you’re going to collapse any second.” There was a sigh, but no argument from Louis. Despite only knowing the men for less than a day, it felt like that should have been considered a victory. Louis reminded him too much of Steve. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The silence dragged on as Bucky undressed, only the shuffling of feet audible as he assumed Louis walked around the room. “We should take him.” Liam’s voice broke the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We should take him,” Liam repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We are not taking him,” there was a sigh and a short pause. “Liam, he smiled before killing those things. He’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>psychopath</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” So, he had seen that. Bucky sighed and fell back onto his pillows, closing his eyes and listening to their argument, wondering where Liam wanted to take him to.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis, he took down six walkers in less than a minute. He’s a fucking God - we need him. We’re not going to get to your family if we keep going the way we are.” There was another sigh and one of the chairs scraped against the hardwood floor. The sound of fingers tapping against the dining table followed soon after.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be fine.” Louis sounded unsure.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You literally stabbed me in the thigh an hour ago. We will die.” Bucky held back a snort. How the </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell</span>
  </em>
  <span> did you stab your own friend in the thigh? </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That was a fucking accident, asshole. Either way, he’s been bit. I’m not taking an infected person to my family.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know it takes about two weeks for symptoms to kick in. Big guy like him, probably even longer. We’d be almost there by then.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The silence stretched out for even longer, so much so that Bucky thought one of them had maybe passed out right at the kitchen table. “We are ditching him as soon as he so much as </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweats</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky snorted again, getting up again to gather some clothes for the travellers. He would wait until they asked him to help them wherever they needed to go, then show them the arm. If they trusted him and his abilities enough to help protect them, to help get them to </span>
  <em>
    <span>family</span>
  </em>
  <span>, then he could trust them enough not to turn on him once they knew who he was. He dropped the clothes in front of the bathroom and retreated back to his room, thinking over the conversation again. He couldn’t help but feel excited at the idea of having a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mission</span>
  </em>
  <span> again, something other than books and old records to fill his days. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It had been a year and two months now since radio contact with the major cities had dropped out - he had been all on his own since then. No one to talk to, nothing to fill the silence other than his own thoughts and the records he got sick of after two weeks. There were only so many times going for a swim in the river could feel like a treat; he couldn’t trick his mind into thinking it was something special anymore. He never expected an apocalyptic situation to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>boring</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but that was the truth. He was bored.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t want to admit it, hated to even think about it, but maybe it was time to finally accept that this was it for him - he couldn’t go to the cities, not while he had zero indication of the situation there, if anyone was even </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive</span>
  </em>
  <span> anymore. His choices were to let these travellers go out on their own and probably die, or he could go with them, help them reunite with their family, and find something else to dedicate his time to. If anyone was coming for him, would they not have been here by now? It had been over two years since the situation was considered dire enough to send Bucky out here and as far as he knew, no progress had been made. The small spark of hope that still burned in his chest hated this train of thought, but that fire was slowly dying out the longer it was left with nothing to fuel it, and it wasn’t strong enough to drown out the possibilities of doing something </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stayed awake for hours more, long after Louis and Liam retired to sleep, deliberating the pros and cons and considering every rational possibility of the situation at hand. The only thing keeping him tethered to the cabin, the only thing even remotely convincing him to stay, was the fact that this is where Steve knew he was. If there was any way, any slight chance that Steve was still alive, this is where he would know to find Bucky. The 14 months of silence casted doubt in Bucky’s mind and made his chest tight - if there was any way Steve survived, he would have made it here by now. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky before the war would have stayed behind for Steve, Bucky before the apocalypse might have stayed, but Bucky now? That price didn’t seem rich enough anymore. Not when he had the opportunity to help these travellers, to quell some of his guilty conscience for what he had done in the last seventy years, and finally start feeling like he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>living, </span>
  </em>
  <span>even if the circumstances of living could have been better.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He finally dozed off as the sky started to lighten, his decision resting heavily in his heart, but his head clear and ready to see what was to come. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><ul>
<li>
<span>   - </span> <span>-    </span> <span>-    </span><span>-</span>
</li>
</ul><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Despite going to sleep after the sun rose, Bucky was still awake before the travellers. It was obvious they needed the rest, the dark circles under their eyes prominent and their shoulders sagging with exhaustion. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky stretched as he yawned, thoughts racing with the conversation he overheard - eavesdropped on, whatever - the night before. It was obvious these travellers had been trying to get to one destination for a long time but hadn’t had any luck. The fact that they were looking for family tugged at Bucky’s heart strings - he knew how it felt to leave your family and think you’d see them again soon, only to never come back; it wasn’t a feeling he would wish on anyone, especially when he could help them out - even if he was just being used as “muscle”.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>With a new mission in sight, Bucky felt renewed and ready for the day ahead. It had been too long since he had felt useful, stranded in a cabin in the middle of nowhere just waiting for the go-ahead to do something more. It was a terrible way to live, one Bucky hadn’t even considered to be toxic until he was faced with a different scenario. Between being captured in the war, his time as the Winter Soldier, and being pushed aside when he felt he should’ve been needed the most, he never felt like he was doing enough </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> for anyone. Maybe helping the travellers get to their family would be a step in the right direction to feeling anything but useless. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The travellers would still need to rest for a few days, possibly even a week, before they could continue on their journey - hopefully with Bucky by their side - but having someone to share his cabin with, to talk to? That in itself felt like enough of a reward that Bucky couldn’t even find it in himself to look beyond the surface level of feelings at the guilt simmering underneath. He was still awkward, admittedly, but being basically mute for more than a year did that to a person. He would just have to work on it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He changed and made haste to the kitchen as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake up his guests. He wanted to build some trust with the men, hopefully quell whatever animosity they had towards him, especially Louis. Liam seemed a bit more open and trusting, enough to convince Louis to let Bucky join them on their journey, and Bucky knew it wouldn’t take long to make nice with him. Louis, on the other hand, had suspicion all over him - from the way he watched Bucky, to the way he held himself around Bucky, as if he wasn’t sure if he had to be ready for a fight at a moment’s notice. Bucky hated people not liking him, even more so than he hated being watched in the way Louis watched him. Bucky knew he could easily fight back against Louis - Hell, he could take Louis and Liam as a team - but there was something in his eyes that made Bucky not trust that Louis didn’t play a different game entirely. And now that he finally felt that he had a sense of purpose, he wasn’t going to let that be taken away.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He dressed quickly, pulling a jacket and his gloves on. The air was frosty, Bucky’s breaths coming out in puffs of mist in front of him, but the sun still warmed his face and he couldn’t help but smile for the first time in what felt like years. He made a beeline straight to his greenhouse, ignoring the groans of the undead that have managed to get themselves stuck on the fence overnight. As long as they didn’t attract more of the undead, they weren’t an issue Bucky wanted to deal with, especially when he was in such high spirits.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He made quick work of gathering the ripened vegetables, placing them in a small basket and bringing them to the kitchen. The sun was just about midway in the sky, so it had to be close to 12pm and Bucky was starving, sure Liam and Louis would be too. A small smile made its way to his face as he cooked for the three of them, a small taste of domestic life that he thought he had to leave behind in the 40s. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you’re cooking smells good,” Liam greeted as he wandered into the kitchen, taking a seat at the table where Bucky had set out glasses of water.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” he grinned, and Liam looked shocked, but returned the gesture. “It’ll be ready soon.” Liam grunted in reply, rubbing at his eyes with a yawn. “Did you. . . sleep well?” Bucky internally cringed at how awkward he sounded, small talk not something that came to him easily anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It was the comfiest thing I’ve slept in since this whole thing started. Thank you, James.” Bucky nodded, turning his back to Liam and focusing on the pot in front of him. Being met with sincerity was not something he was used to, always being punished for what he did wrong rather than praised for what he did right. Navigating living with Liam and Louis, trying not to expose who he really was, and learning how to converse again was going to be a challenge - things happened so quickly after his programming broke down that he didn’t have the </span>
  <em>
    <span>time</span>
  </em>
  <span> for any of this to become normal again. It certainly wasn’t at the forefront of anyone else’s minds, so it couldn’t be at the forefront of Bucky’s; there were bigger fish to fry and so teaching him how to be anything but an emotionless assassin wasn’t a priority.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He heard Louis enter the room and exchange pleasantries with Liam, but he was lost in thought. If the travellers truly were going to ask Bucky to go on their journey with them, and Bucky told them who he was, they would be able to see through the cracks - it would be harder to hide the fact that he is still trying to piece himself together and figure out how to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>human</span>
  </em>
  <span> again. What if they thought they couldn’t trust him because of that? Every public interaction he had as Bucky Barnes had been carefully crafted by SHIELD, any hint of humanity had come from them. Even if they had seen Bucky before everything went to shit, they weren’t seeing who he actually was; they were seeing the idealised version of him constructed from PR experts who would do anything to get the American people on Bucky’s side again. What if they changed their minds about bringing Bucky on their mission? Having a tiny beacon of hope taken away from him like that - it would break him. It had been less than twelve hours and he had already become so attached to the idea of not being alone for the first time in so, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> long that it would kill him to lose it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You can help yourselves,” Bucky took the food off the heat, shoving his left hand in his pocket immediately. He realised that he had - once again - interrupted them in the middle of a conversation but rushed out of the room before he could apologise. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When SHIELD first sent him off on his own, they sent him with a sleeve that he could put over his arm to make it appear normal, rather than the shiny metal. He had no idea how the technology worked, or if it still had the ability after this long, but if he was going to keep his identity a secret for a little while longer, he would need it. He could only get away with wearing gloves sometimes, especially since it was heading into warmer weather, and he couldn’t have his hand in his pocket every hour of the day.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Lifting the box out from the pried-up floorboard in his bedroom, Bucky let out a sigh of relief. It was still intact and seemed to be in working condition. He pulled the sleeve up over his arm and activated the small switch right below his shoulder to turn it on. He flexed his fingers as he waited, the thin sleeve slowly morphing to look like flesh up his arm. With a relieved sigh, he hid the box back underneath the floorboards and adjusted his shirt, so it fell back down to his wrist again. If you looked closely enough, it was obvious there was something not quite </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> with his hand, the skin not having the natural spattering of soft hairs or marks that his other hand did. As long as the travellers didn’t focus on his hands for too long, he could definitely get away with it. It was one less thing weighing on his shoulders and he took it for what it was - another small victory and another step towards completing his new mission. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that.” He fought back a smile as he noticed Louis jump at his voice but offered them no further explanation. He sat across from Louis, Liam having seated himself at the head of the table. It gave him an advantage, being able to easily mediate both Bucky and Louis if the need arose. The caveman part of Bucky’s brain that was brought up in the ‘30s was yelling at him that in a man’s house he should be the one at the head of the table, and Liam’s decision to take that spot from him was a threat. He pushed those thoughts down, rather eating from the plate that one of the travellers had made for him, trying to relax his shoulders and not appear hostile. His body needed to relax and seem as welcoming as possible if he was expecting Liam and Louis to trust him, let alone enough to take him with them to their family.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s the-” Bucky waved his fork, gesturing to the plates sitting in front of the travellers. Liam was digging in with gusto and offered Bucky a thumbs up while Louis pushed his food around on his plate at a more sedate pace, ignoring the question altogether.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We had a favour to as-- an offer to make.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>To Bucky’s surprise, it was Louis that broke the uncomfortable silence that had fallen over the table. Louis had put his fork down and pushed his plate away from him, his eyes so bright and probing Bucky felt like they were looking right into his soul. Bucky mirrored Louis, pushing his plate away and meeting his eyes with a steady gaze of his own. Liam was still eating, but his eyes were flicking between the two men at his sides. With an internal sigh, Bucky placed his hands flat on the table top - a subtle show of submission so the travellers felt as comfortable as possible - and nodded at Louis to continue speaking. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s apparently a safe zone in Tennessee, my family,” Louis sighed, pursing his lips and running his hand through his hair. He was shaking his leg, the sole of his sneaker hitting the leg of the chair every few seconds. He was clearly nervous, but Liam was waiting for him to speak so Bucky followed his lead. “My family said they were heading there, for me--us to come when we find their letter. If the last day has taught us anything, we’re not as good as we thought we were, and we’ll need help.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis met Bucky’s gaze again with a slight wrinkle in his brow, as if asking for Bucky’s help was physically painful for him. “The undead are more agile when the weather is warm. They don’t do well with the cold, it slows them down. Easy kills.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, we’ve always been shit, then?” Louis snapped, a full-fledged frown on his face now.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No. When a bear is tranquilized, you have the advantage. But a tranquilized bear is still a bear.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Liam, what the fuck does he mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The undead aren’t as strong in the cold. They’re not protected from it and their bodies are in the process of dying, so they’re easier to kill. It’s not a testament of skill, it’s just not being ready for their strength to change like that,” Bucky explained to Liam’s wide eyes and the stern set of Louis’ lips. The conversation had somehow gotten away from him so quickly and he was eager to get it back on track. “Your offer?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis pursed his lips again. “We-</span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>would like you to join us trying to find the safe zone. I will be welcome because of my family, and I’ll vouch for you to be able to join us if that’s something you’re interested in.” He shifted in his seat, restless in his discomfort. It was obvious he didn’t like asking for help, but Bucky couldn’t tell if it was because it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> or if Louis hated showing vulnerability in front of anyone. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it? I come with you, and you vouch for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s not good enough for Your Highness-”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what he means, Louis,” Liam sighed. “We would be more than happy to fight for you to be able to come with us. Louis’ family would be on your side as soon as they realised Louis is,” he explained, his plate now empty and abandoned. He folded his hands under his chin as he regarded Bucky. “James, you obviously have experience fighting these things. You have a lot of supplies that would be very helpful for us. It’s always an advantage to have another man you trust to watch your back.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You trust me?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis raised his eyebrows at the question, but Liam didn’t move a muscle. “I trust that you are capable. I know that you have saved our lives before. I think I could come to trust you with our lives, if you’re willing to trust us with yours.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The statement settled in the room, Liam moving to mirror Bucky’s position, hands flat on the table. Louis had taken to sitting in the chair with his legs hugged to his chest, his chin resting on his knee. He was watching the back and forth between Liam and Bucky, clearly willing to let Liam take the reins in negotiation.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a long time since I’ve trusted anyone with my life,” Bucky answered honestly, and he saw a little bit of the fire dim from Liam’s eyes. “Do you know where in Tennessee this safe zone is supposed to be? I know there were talks for Newport or Union City.” Bucky stood, grabbing the dishes from the table and ignoring Louis’ confused look.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Union City,” Louis answered, watching as Bucky moved around the main living space. “That’s what my mum wrote in her note, anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Figures. A bitch to get to from here, though.” Bucky unrolled a large map onto the dining table. He uncapped a marker and circled Union City on the map, tapping the pen as if to seal the deal. “Do you know where we are now?” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know the exact location, just Kentucky.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re about here,” Bucky circled a wide circumference around Jackson. He knew that’s where SHIELD dropped him off but he didn’t know how far outside the town he had to go when he got there. “The main issue is Nashville. It’s a death trap.” He put a big X over Nashville. “Going across Kentucky, then down into Tennessee would be safest and our best bet. We just need to go around Bowling Green, and we should be fine.” He put another X through Bowling Green. “The fucking highways are also an issue, but if we can’t avoid them all we have to do is take it slow and clear the cars, so we know we’re not going to be hit with a surprise attack.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you’re coming?” The hope in Liam’s voice was palpable. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a while since someone has trusted me with their life, and I don’t intend to be letting them down.” A smile broke out on Liam’s face. He stood next to Bucky, placing a grateful hand on his shoulder. Bucky returned the gesture with a small smile of his own. “We can’t draw an exact route, who knows what’s going on out there. Adaptability is key. The best we can do is choose the general direction we’ll be travelling and places we definitely want to avoid.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Nashville and Bowling Green are what we definitely want to avoid?” Louis moved around the table to join them on Bucky’s left side, squinting at the map and the X’s Bucky drew.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. If we head mostly West to pass them, then go Southwest, we should be able to avoid big populations of the undead.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we go Southwest the whole way and just skirt around Bowling Green?” Louis asked, drawing an invisible line between Bowling Green and Nashville.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You run the risk of two big populations meeting in the middle,” Bucky pointed out, scribbling in the area between the two X’s. “If we stick to towns with smaller populations, we’re more likely to get through without having to trouble the undead.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re trying to eat us, maybe we should trouble them,” Liam scoffed.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If we take the time to kill every undead we see, we’ll waste time and energy. If they’re not bothering us, who cares? They’ll die soon anyway, and we will get by unscathed.”  Bucky put the cap back on the marker with a sigh. “The way I have survived the last-” he stuttered before he could blurt out 70 years like an </span>
  <em>
    <span>idiot</span>
  </em>
  <span>, “year is by minding my own business. If they’re not coming to kill me, I’m not going to kill them. Brains before brawn.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, we leave them alone. What next, though?” Louis’ tone was impatient.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We wait. Liam needs to heal, we won’t get far if he has to travel on that leg the way it is now. I’ll gather us supplies, get us food, water and weapons ready for the road. We should be ready to go in a week, maybe sooner if Liam gets enough rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Louis looked like he wanted to argue but settled with levelling a scowl at the other two men. “Liam, sit down. It’s your fucking leg we’re waiting on.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The leg </span>
  <em>
    <span>who</span>
  </em>
  <span> stabbed again?” Liam snorted, but sat down anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll dry some of the fruits in the greenhouse, so we’ll have food for the road that’s not in a can. If you have any requests, I’ll take them now.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I come out and have a look?” Louis asked. His eyes were shining in that way that Bucky didn’t quite trust.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Liam, you can take the armchair with the ottoman if you want somewhere more comfortable.” Bucky led Louis out to the greenhouse, the sun on the brink of setting and covering everything in a golden glow. It was one of Bucky’s favourite times of day. It made everything look ethereal, offering a distraction from the ugliness of the world for a little while. “I haven’t gotten that many fruits, but there’s quite a few vegetables-”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care about the greenhouse.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis raised his brow again, looking at Bucky in that infuriating way that he can’t seem to decipher. “I know you keep saying you weren’t bit, but you need to cut the shit. We all saw that walker get you by the arm,” Bucky opened his mouth to protest and Louis held up his hand. “Don’t. Just shut up,” he sighed. “Liam has it in his mind that you’re our best bet to make it to Tennessee. Maybe he’s right. But I’m not putting my family at risk for you. As soon as you start showing signs that you’re going to change or die or whatever the fuck zombies do- you’re gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve clearly come to the conclusion that I’m untrustworthy, for whatever fucking reason. I’m not one to put other people’s lives at risk for my own. If I was infected, I would tell you. If it got to the point where I could feel myself succumbing to it, I would tell you. I don’t give a shit if you don’t like me, but don’t demonise me based on your own trust issues. Especially when you’re asking me for </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>help.” Without realising, Bucky had stepped closer to Louis during his rant. Louis was standing at his full height, chin jutted out in defiance.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t carry yourself like a man that can be trusted.” Bucky’s jaw tensed. “And I’m not asking for your </span>
  <em>
    <span>help</span>
  </em>
  <span>, we’re doing you a favo-”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off, you’re not doing me a favour.” Bucky waved him off, stepping back and putting his focus on what he can preserve for longevity. “You’ve convinced yourself it’s a favour because you’d rather let yourself and Liam die before you asked for my help. Keep fooling yourself, but don’t try to fool me, Louis.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you, James.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis let the door of the greenhouse slam behind him and Bucky let the tension leave his body in a defeated sigh. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>-    </span>
  
  <span>-    </span>
  
  <span>-    </span>
  
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, they waited eight days for Liam’s leg to heal enough that he could put the majority of his body weight on it without limping. It was a long and tiresome eight days. Bucky’s schedule consisted of preserving foods for the road, stockpiling cans of food, preparing first aid kits, bottling water, and avoiding pissing Louis off by any means necessary. That was difficult as Liam tried to get them involved in group conversations, but Louis refused to talk to Bucky unless it was a conversation essential to finding his family, and Bucky didn’t want to make anything more tense. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis’ animosity towards him just proved Bucky’s point and he couldn’t help but carry himself smugly as he went about preparation. Louis had the air about him that people didn’t often tell him he was wrong, and Bucky had never had any problems humbling people. There was something addictive about beating someone who was so stubborn at their own game. Louis was just so much like Steve in that way. He could never resist arguing with Steve, especially before the war, when he thought he could never step a foot wrong. Steve was never able to keep the silent treatment going for this long, though. Louis had him beat there.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The day before they were set to leave, Bucky was in the lounge room, sorting out rations into different packs for him and the travellers. A record was playing softly in the background and the blinds were open to let the sun in. It was a beautiful day and Bucky was feeling borderline blissful. He hummed as he worked, swaying slightly in a hint of a dance, but not quite getting to that point. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As much as he was desperate for company when Liam and Louis first joined him at the cabin, it felt nice to have his space to himself again. They were in the woods, familiarising themselves with the terrain and hopefully using the tips Bucky taught them on how to walk quietly to avoid enemies (in this case, the undead). Despite Bucky’s argument with Louis, and knowing Louis’ reasons would never happen, Bucky still trained the travellers how to survive on their own. If anything happened to Bucky, they would have to be able to fend for themselves and neither of them were equipped to do it. Bucky even let them spar with him, trying to show them how strong the undead can be and what they will have to do to take them down on their own. Louis enjoyed that part of the “training” a bit too much.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Their absence gave Bucky the opportunity to properly appreciate his cabin before they left. He knew that he had it good - one privilege of being friends with the Avengers, surely - and leaving behind the security of his little cabin and everything in it was going to be hard, but he wanted a change and a challenge, and the universe sent that his way. So, he was going to embrace it with everything he could.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you listening to?” Louis’ incredulous voice cut through Bucky’s thoughts and only decades of training stopped him from jumping in place. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The Ink Spots,” Bucky grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you, a hundred years old?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Louis rolled his eyes at the response and Bucky laughed, catching the other men off-guard. Liam brightened, smiling openly at Bucky and even Louis’ lips fought off a grin. “I’m almost done putting everything together, it’ll probably be another hour.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Louis huffed, collapsing in one of the armchairs as Liam lowered himself in the other. They were both covered in a light sheen of sweat, the bottom of Louis’ sneakers muddy. Bucky would have to double check what size shoes they both wore for their gear. Those sneakers would be ruined trying to walk across Kentucky. “I haven’t listened to music in so long.” He was sitting back with his eyes closed, his fingers tapping out the beat on the arms of the chair. Liam and Bucky made eye contact, both slightly shocked Louis was willing to initiate a conversation that Bucky could be part of. Maybe everyone was feeling a little blissful today.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hadn’t listened to music for a very, very long time until I came here,” Bucky replied, watching Louis’ reaction from the corner of his eye. His fingers missed a beat. “My friend had a bunch of old records here, and he bought more for me - things he thought I would like.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis’ fingers kept tapping the beat. “Sounds like a good friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He could be, sometimes. He was more St- my friend’s friend than mine,” Bucky sighed, yanking the zippers to the packs closed. “But I’ve had music, so I can’t complain too much. Get up,” he added, kicking Louis’ shoe and helping Liam out of his chair. Louis grumbled under his breath - he called Bucky a “fucking asshole”, thank you enhanced hearing - but stood next to Liam. “I’ve tried to distribute weight between the packs for what people can carry, try them on and let me know if it’s too much. If anyone hurts their back, we’re done for.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He gave them each their pack and shrugged his own onto his shoulders. The weight was very present, but it wouldn’t slow him down or hurt him. He watched Liam and Louis closely as they slid their packs on, looking out for any signs of discomfort. “We’ve each got water, food, clothing and some spare weapons. I have gear and holsters for the rest of the weapons we’ll need, so this will be maximum capacity unless we find things on the road we need.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not bad,” Liam shifted his weight, testing the balance of the pack.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. If it becomes too much, I can take more. Louis?” He prompted when Louis’ silence dragged on. “If it’s too heavy, please tell me. I can take more in my pack and I don’t want you getting hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a little bit heavy,” Louis admitted with a sigh, sliding the pack off his shoulders. He unzipped it and Bucky grabbed a few water bottles to put in his pack instead. “Why are you taking the water?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you end up on your own for any reason, water will be easier to come by than food,” Bucky explained, securing his pack and watching Louis do the same. “It’s better that you have a bigger food supply than water.” At Bucky’s raised brow, Louis nodded. “Okay, next test. Crouch with the pack, if it’s throwing off your balance, you need to secure it more or have less weight.” That test ran successful, as did running and walking with the packs on. Bucky ticked packs off his mental to-do list. “Packs off, wait here.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The best part about staying in a cabin made for the Avengers is that at any moment they might need to go on a world-saving mission, which meant gear stashed away. Luckily for Bucky, the world had already ended, and he was the only Avenger (probably? There was never an official ceremony) that needed gear from the cabin for a mission. He had already figured out the closest match based on size and grabbed two sets of gear from the compartment. He threw the gear over his arm and carried them to the lounge room, where Louis was tapping his foot to the Ink Spots song playing from the record player. Bucky and The Ink Spots - 1, Louis - 0. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“These should fit you, if not we can try something else out,” he passed them to Liam and Louis respectively, watching as they regarded the gear. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this an ‘it’s better not to ask’ kinda situation?” Liam asked, rapping a knuckle against the thick chest plate of his gear.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably,” Bucky shrugged, throwing the boots at their feet. Louis raised his eyebrows but didn’t question it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to be leaving just before sunrise, so we should probably turn in soon,” Bucky threw his pack over his shoulder, suddenly nervous in front of the other men. “I’ll wake you up when it’s time to get ready, we’ll have half an hour before we leave then. It’s best to do everything you need to now. Feel free to keep the music playing,” Bucky offered. “I’ll see you before dawn.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, James,” Liam called, and Bucky waved his hand in acknowledgement.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Feels like we’re going to fucking summer camp,” Louis grumbled as Bucky moved down the hall. To Bucky it felt like they were packing up in the trenches, but he could hardly voice that, so he stayed quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He dropped his pack by the door and collapsed on his bed, running his hands down his face in frustration. He’s had more than a week to deliberate if this was a good idea, yet he was getting cold feet the night before they were due to head off. He felt like an idiot. He was so busy thinking about how he would </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he didn’t stop to consider anything that could go wrong. What if one of them tried to pick up his pack? They would definitely have questions about how he carried it when it’s so heavy, and how he offered to carry </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>. What about when it reached the two-week mark and he still had no symptoms after being bitten? There’s only so much you can deny something both other parties fucking saw. They would start having questions. What if they thought he had some magical immunity to the disease? He would open himself up to be an experiment again.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Telling them that he’s Bucky Barnes, the notorious Winter Soldier was off the cards now, too. The lie had gone on too long. If Louis didn’t absolutely hate him before, he would as soon as he realised Bucky had lied to them. Liam would never trust him again. He had backed himself into a corner and now there was nothing he could do to get himself out. He let out of a soft groan of frustration, standing back up and moving to the dresser. He grabbed his last-minute essentials to shove into his pack or the many pockets of his gear in the morning. He grabbed the compass Steve had gifted him when Bucky came back from Wakanda, the one that Steve got when he joined the army, the one he was frozen with. It had a picture of them stuck to the top, of when they were a bright-eyed Sergeant and Captain riding the high of a successful rescue of the 107</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> from Azzano. It was a picture that was later used in the Smithsonian to tell the tragic story of two men, so close and inseparable they were practically brothers. Bucky grinned at the thought.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He took the photo out of the compass, the risk of Liam or Louis seeing it was too great. He tucked it into one of the small pockets of his pack. Steve at the front of the mind, he dug out some stationery from the desk shoved into the corner of the room and got to writing. If Steve came by the cabin, Bucky would want him to know that he’s safe. He included the information about the safe zone he managed to gather from Louis and Liam and a small note at the bottom. He tucked the letter into an envelope and left it on the dresser, easy for Steve to find if he came back.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>With a last melancholy sigh, he retired to bed and tried to clear his mind so sleep could take him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He woke at the first sound of birdcall, the sky just barely beginning to lighten from midnight blue to the royal blue that came before sunrise. He rubbed at his eyes to wake himself up a little, steeling himself for the day ahead. It was going to be a long one. He had to get used to, essentially, being a soldier again. He had his team to take care of, the enemy to kill, and a final destination it was imperative to get to. It was time to act as Sergeant again. Unfortunately, his team was a bit clueless and half of it would probably gut him given the chance. Modern America had its challenges.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He woke them up by flicking the light to the bedroom on and yelling, avoiding looking at the travellers. It was too early in the morning to see something incriminating. It’s not clear what Liam and Louis are to each other but he was not taking the chance of asking. Louis might </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> try to gut him then.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He dressed quickly, a thermal and a long-sleeved turtleneck under a black jacket zipped up to his chest. The leather of the jacket was thick, reinforced around his chest and arms, broken up by some pockets. He slipped the compass into the pocket on his chest, zipping it closed. He buckled his holsters around his hips and the top of his thighs, shoving a gun and four of his favourite knives in their rightful place. There were two more knives stashed in internal pockets in his jacket and space for two more on his boots. He laced those up and pulled a hair elastic around his wrist, putting the rest of his stash in his pack.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we ready?” He opened his bedroom door and called out. He picked up his pack and a duffel of weapons, double checking the letter was in place. Satisfied, he made haste to the living room where Liam and Louis were standing, one small lamp lighting the whole room. They stopped mid conversation when they saw him and Bucky felt a bolt of panic rip through him. Had he remembered to cover his arm?</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How many knives does one guy need?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got more where this came from.” He threw the bag of weapons onto one of the armchairs, pulling out holsters for the travellers.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember when you said,” Louis started, taking the holster from him and putting it around his hips. His gear was a forest green with straps on each side to keep it steady in combat. He had reinforced shoulder and arm guards, which would help him if one of the undead ever went for his forearm. It was a good choice for him, likely to save him from any danger reckless behaviour could get him into. It also accentuated his waist and, somehow, made his eyes seem even more blue. Blue and pissed off.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Bucky cleared his throat and Liam snickered, putting his own holsters in place. His gear was reinforced in the sides and across the chest and forearms. As someone who seemed like he threw himself into a lot of situations, it was a perfect fit.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I said, when your friend said you walked into a room looking like you’re ready to murder everyone in it. They were right.” Louis repeated. Bucky grinned, grabbing a knife out of the bag and flipping it before handing it to Louis. He was definitely showing off. Louis rolled his eyes but took the knife.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you teach me that?” Liam asked, taking the knife offered to him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If we have time.” Bucky handed out the weapons needed, passing Louis more guns and Liam more knives. If they could avoid anyone but the undead being stabbed on this trip, it would be a huge advantage. He relayed that to Louis, who decidedly ignored Liam’s laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep pushing and you’ll be the first casualty,” he mumbled, turning away from Bucky and fiddling with his pack. It was obvious Bucky wasn’t supposed to hear it which made it even better.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky slung a rifle over his shoulder, the barrel bouncing off his pack. He passed one to Louis, who did the same. Their packs were secured with buckles across their chests and stomachs, weapons in place and gear zipped up ready to be put through the ringer. He was really going to do this. He was leaving safety, the only proper home he had known since the ‘40s, for a couple of strangers who had no idea what he was capable of. He was risking leaving behind the one person he considered family that knew he was alive and where to find him. He was risking pretty much everything. Tightening the straps of his pack, Bucky let out a shaky breath.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready?” Concern clouded Liam’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” They left the cabin and he refused to look back.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Forget Your Petty Crimes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Bucky had come to a horrible realisation quite early into their journey.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis had to fill the silence. It didn’t matter if he was singing, humming or talking. He couldn’t handle things being silent. He even talked to himself if Liam and Bucky weren’t indulging him. As someone who used to sit in silence for hours on end to get what he wanted, Bucky was equally annoyed and intrigued. Of course, he had met people that liked to fill silences, but not quite as much as Louis felt the need to. Even after enduring his brain being taken apart and put back together for decades on end, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> might be what finally breaks him. The famed Winter Soldier would be taken down by a 5’8 menace who felt the need to comment on how </span>
  <em>
    <span>green</span>
  </em>
  <span> everything was for the fiftieth time in two hours. In a world where sound is the strongest sense for the undead cannibals roaming around, someone who can’t seem to shut up is a big detriment.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It had been almost three days since they left the cabin and it hadn’t been an issue so far, but the closer they got to towns and populated places the more antsy Bucky was getting. They had plenty of food and water to last them a few more days, a week if they ration, but they would need more eventually. His body could run on little to no sustenance for a significant amount of time – according to Hydra, the longest time he had gone without eating but could still do intensive exercise was nine days – but the other two didn’t have the same enhancements he had. They would have to scout for more food eventually. If Louis couldn’t exercise restraint, they were going to have bigger issues than starvation on their hands.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed as they kept walking, his rifle hanging by his hip. The terrain had been mostly the same since they left the cabin; dense woodlands broken by only small streams and old roads they avoided at all costs. It was too easy to be surrounded on a road like that, by the undead or the living. Bucky wasn’t going to share the sentiment with Liam and Louis, but he was really hoping to get to Tennessee without having to kill someone other than the undead. And despite how much it terrified him, if it came to that – Bucky would kill to keep his little team safe.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They were still heading West according to the compass, but it was slow going. They had to stop every few hours to allow Liam’s leg some respite, overworking it would only set them back further. The plush undergrowth, although fantastic for sleeping on, wasn’t helping as their boots sank into rotting leaves and mud more often than solid ground.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Water break,” Louis announced, stopping in his tracks. He and Liam sat on a rock and shucked off their packs. Bucky lifted his rifle and kept an eye for any undead while the other two were preoccupied. “Are you not going to have any?” Louis offered his water bottle and Bucky shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay. You guys do what you need, I’ll keep watch.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You work out a lot?” Liam asked, unwrapping a protein bar to have with his water. “Your breathing is barely out of whack.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah,” Bucky cleared his throat. “I was in the Army.” A half-truth is better than a full-lie. His mother would whack him over the head for preaching that, Lord rest her soul.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That explains so much,” Louis snorted, and Liam agreed, crumpling his wrapper and putting it back in his pack.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” Bucky tried not to be offended but he had been trying to not seem awkward, had tried harder to respect regular social cues. If there were things sticking out to them about him making him not seem “normal”, it needed to be a red flag in his mind to tone it down.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You just have a seriousness about you,” Liam explained.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And you know so much about random shit. You’re also weirdly comfortable with a gun, but you’re too graceful and chill to be a redneck. Army just makes sense,” Louis shrugged, like it was no big deal.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Graceful?” Bucky had lowered his gun now, fully focused on Liam and Louis.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You barely make a sound when you walk,” Liam stood up, clapping Bucky on the shoulder. “It’s creepy as fuck.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“An old friend of mine used to say that I always walked into a room like I was ready to murder everyone in it,” Bucky grinned, and Liam snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You have this grace and intense focus about you,” Louis mused, tightening the straps of his pack as he stood. “Like a dancer.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Like a dancer?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep up, Nutcracker!” Louis laughed, bounding after Liam into the woods.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going the wrong way!” Bucky called after them, smiling softly as Louis swore and swung back around. They were obviously very close, and it made Bucky’s heart ache, thinking about what – and </span>
  <em>
    <span>who</span>
  </em>
  <span> – he had lost in his exile. He didn’t have anyone close to joke around with or confide in, let alone with the confidence that Louis and Liam show in each other and their relationship. He thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> he could have that with the other two men, but it was hard when Louis barely trusted him and Liam looked at him with such pity, sometimes Bucky felt like he was choking on it. He couldn’t build something they thought was going to end in a couple of weeks, and he especially couldn’t build it off a lie; even if he was disguising that lie as an untold truth. With a sigh, Bucky pulled the compass out of his pocket to double check they were still on track, taking the lead and directing them West.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, one of the first things you did was put us in a formation.” Bucky slowed his stride as Louis tried to catch up with him, clearly latching onto something to talk about now he realised he wouldn’t be turned away. The man was like an addict. Talk to him for a second, he wants your attention for another hour.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I?” Bucky smirked, eyes combing the tree line as Louis kicked up dead leaves and grass under his boots.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Me in front, Liam in the middle, you behind. Does that mean I’m the weakest?” He added after Bucky didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Liam’s in the middle because he needs the most protection with his leg,” Bucky explained, grabbing Louis’ arm to save him from tripping on a protruding tree root, “I’m falling behind because I’m the most experienced and won’t forget to watch our backs, too. You’re at the front because when you’re not talking, you have a keen eye.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” Louis considered it for a few moments, pushing his hair out of his face. “You’re really good at it, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d hope so, I was a Sergeant,” Bucky snorted. His step faltered but Louis barely noticed, taking this new piece of information to talk about and running with it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“A </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sergeant</span>
  </em>
  <span>, ooh. That’s fancy. Sergeant James,” He snorted a laugh. Bucky didn’t correct him. “Sergeant Jim. Sergeant Jamie. Do you always go by James?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“There was a Jim in my unit,” Bucky smiled despite himself. “My family used to call me Jamie,” he added softly. No matter how long had passed, leaving his family behind and not knowing what happened to them still weighed heavily on him. He thought his sister was alive when Bucky Barnes was exposed as the Winter Soldier, but deep down he prayed she wasn’t. It was as selfish as it was selfless; he wanted his family to remember him as the brave young man that left them to fight the hero’s fight, not the heartless assassin that Hydra made him. Thinking he was dead, presumed killed in action, was an act of mercy. His sister knowing what happened to him would have been torture for her and she would never forgive herself, even if there was nothing she would have been able to do. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Louis’ voice was soft, the teasing lilt and angry snap that was usually directed towards Bucky replaced with the tone he usually reserved for Liam. His apology was sincere, even if he didn’t know the full extent of what he was apologising for.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It happened a long time ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“James?” Liam called. It broke the moment between them, Louis clearing his throat and putting more distance between him and Bucky. Bucky ignored him and went to Liam instead, peering through a break in the trees. “Look.” He was squinting but Bucky could see it clearly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“A gas station.” Bucky pointed out the obvious, gesturing Louis to join them. It was roughly half a kilometre away, the low afternoon sun glinting off the windows. From what Bucky could see, it looked like it still had stock. If they could fill up on supplies this early in the journey, they wouldn’t have to for another week. “It looks like there’s still some stuff in there. Do we all want to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m down,” Louis shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Liam?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky nodded, steeling himself. “Make sure you’re both keeping an eye on everything around you, if we get ambushed, we may as well throw in the towel. Liam, I’m going to give you my rifle when we get there and you’re going to keep watch.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to shoot a rifle,” Liam blanched.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine, it’s just for show. You have your knives for the undead and if anyone else approaches, just do this.” He whistled a three-tone melody, one he and Steve used during the war and continued to use in their missions with the Avengers after. Liam repeated it and Bucky turned to Louis expectantly. “If anything goes wrong and you need one of the others, do that. Louis, you’ll be inside with me. We have to try to only use our knives if there’s the undead in there, it’s too risky there could be others around. It’s better to get close and personal with a couple now than a pack of them later.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Aye, aye, Captain,” Louis grinned, and Bucky snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sergeant, not Captain.” He rolled his eyes and turned before Louis could see his smile. He gestured for Louis and Liam to go in front of him, bringing up his rifle and keeping his eyes on the tree line at the edge of the road. Louis was uncharacteristically quiet at the front, rifle sweeping as he walked. This was the first time they were going to attempt going into a building and scavenging and Bucky had to admit he was nervous. As much as he can try to explain the skills needed to survive to Liam and Louis, he had no control over how they would apply them in real life. Their safety was in his hands and it was a lot of pressure.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait here,” Bucky ordered as they made it to the edge of the road. Liam and Louis stopped, leaving Bucky to break through the tree line and do a sweep first. There were no cars in sight along the road and Bucky’s shoulders relaxed slightly. Less places to hide meant less of a chance of an ambush. Although they were still in the middle of Nowhere, Kentucky, he was still so paranoid about being robbed and put into a position where they’re desperate for food and water.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was a car parked in front of the store and Bucky kept a close eye on it as he waved Louis and Liam over. They crossed the road quickly as Bucky cleared the car of any undead, hitting the trunk for good measure. Bucky shook the strap of his rifle from his shoulder and handed it to Liam. “Don’t point the barrel anywhere at yourself.  Don’t touch the trigger unless you’re going to shoot. Make sure you’re in a good stance before you shoot, only if you have to. You have your knives,” Bucky reminded him, and Liam nodded, his face grim. “Louis and I are going to clear inside and call you in when we’re done. Remember to whistle if you need us.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Gotcha. Be safe.” Bucky’s hand twitched where it was reaching for his knife. He shot Liam a reassuring smile.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The front doors of the store were, surprisingly, unlocked and Bucky shot Louis a warning look. “The doors weren’t locked, there’s a good chance there’ll be undead in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Great,” Louis said sarcastically, gesturing for Bucky to go in. Bucky rolled his eyes but went in first, knife raised and ready to attack. Despite the fact that the doors were open, and the store was ripe for the picking, there was still a decent amount of stock on the shelves. Perks of being dumped in the middle of nowhere.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Check between the shelves, I’m gonna take behind the counter and the back room. Join me when you’re done,” Bucky ordered, and Louis saluted before he turned away. Bucky resisted the urge to kick him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was a small patch of dried blood behind the counter and Bucky repressed a sigh, holding his knife tighter. The blood was old, but it meant that there could be undead around. “Be careful, there’s blood here.” Bucky warned Louis. He moved to the small office next. With the toe of his boot, he kicked the door softly. The door creaked as he pushed it open, but he could hear no sounds beyond that. The small window at the far side of the office was opened a crack, the cool breeze rustling the papers strewn across the floor. Bucky could smell more blood but couldn’t see any signs of it in the office. It put him on edge. His palm started to itch as he cleared the room and a feeling of dread settled in his stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis?” Bucky rushed out of the office, heart hammering in his chest. He didn’t understand why his body was reacting this way, but he trusted his instincts enough to follow it. Louis’ head popped up above one of the shelves and Bucky let out a sigh of relief. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, what--” He cut off as they heard the three-tone whistle coming from outside.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“James!” Liam’s desperate cry followed, and Bucky sprang into action. He ran outside, gun ripped from its holster and ready to shoot. Louis tried to run past him, and Bucky grabbed his jacket to pull him back.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait here. I’ll handle it.” Louis looked furious but didn’t object, and Bucky sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening. He just wanted them to be safe. “Can I have your rifle, please? Take this.” Bucky handed him his handgun in exchange for the rifle and let out a breath of relief. He has always been more comfortable with a rifle than a handgun and didn’t know if Louis would be confident enough to shoot with it if he had to. Bucky should probably teach him that.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rifle first, Bucky left the store and did a quick scan. Liam wasn’t by the car where they left him, and Bucky’s palm itched more. He could hear voices around the corner and followed them, heart hammering. There were two voices that weren’t Liam’s and he groaned internally. He should’ve known that it was too dangerous, they should have waited to stock up on supplies. If Liam got hurt because Bucky’s judgement was clouded, he would never forgive himself.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Liam?” He announced himself, not to Liam, but to the two anonymous voices. If he kept the attention on him, hopefully they wouldn’t go looking for others and wouldn’t find Louis. As he rounded the corner, he released a sigh of frustration. There were two men, one digging through Liam’s pack and the other holding a knife to Liam’s throat. The assailant had already nicked Liam with the knife, a small trail of blood staining the collar of his jacket. It filled Bucky with a white-hot fury. “Who are you?” He demanded and the man rummaging through the pack snorted in amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Your worst nightmare, pal,” he snickered, pulling out the carefully arranged tins of food and water from the pack. The man with the knife rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I highly doubt that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, big man.” He didn’t even look at Bucky and he stepped forward, rifle held tight in his hands. Liam let out a grunt as the knife at his throat cut him again and Bucky stilled.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Be very careful.” The warning was directed towards Bucky and he locked eyes with the man with the knife but didn’t drop his rifle.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re outnumbered,” It was Louis’ voice and Bucky took back the silent prayer. “Get away from the bag.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“For fuck’s sake, why could you not stay back there?” Bucky hissed, eyes not leaving the guy at Liam’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he’s my fucking friend, and these guys are assholes.” Bucky chanced a look at him and couldn’t help but feel respect for him. He was smaller than these guys by a strong margin, but he had a gun in each hand and his jaw was tight with determination and Bucky would bet that it didn’t matter that he was smaller. Louis would fight tooth and nail for those he cared about, without taking into account his own safety. Those were the men you had to fear the most.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The guy at the bag stood up with a sigh, brushing off his pants before </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> looking at them. He opened his mouth to speak and locked eyes with Bucky, a shocked burst of laughter escaping him. “That’s what’s-his-face!” He laughed, nudging his friend on the arm as if to get him to look. Liam winced as the knife got him again and Louis cocked the hammer on his gun, the man rolling his eyes. “Calm down, sweetheart.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call me sweetheart.” Louis’ eyes were steely, and his voice was cold. Bucky couldn’t help but be reminded of the first night they were in his cabin. If he didn’t think he would be intimidated then, he would definitely be intimidated now.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you end up out here?” He ignored Louis, turning to Bucky instead. “Told you this would happen.” His tone was conversational, as if he didn’t have three guns pointed at him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want to do this,” Bucky warned him. They were locked onto each other and the other man didn’t seem afraid, despite the fact that he was the only one without a weapon in his hand. He had a knife tucked into the back of his belt, but his brains would be splattered on the ground before he got a chance to even unsheathe it properly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t I?” His eyes seemed to twinkle with the challenge as he sauntered towards Bucky. “It took them long enough to get rid of you, you know? I always said there’s no way they’re going to keep him around.” He stated it like a fact and Bucky’s blood was boiling. “The rest of them I can kind of understand but </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rogers</span>
  </em>
  <span> going for that homo shit--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His laugh was cut off by Bucky grabbing him by the throat and locking his arm around his shoulders. He trapped the man’s legs in place with his own, his rifle still pointed at the man with the knife. “If you know who I am, you know that I can snap your neck like a fucking twig,” he warned in a whisper, the man clutching at his metal arm like a lifeline. “Let him go.” He directed towards the other man, tapping his fingers against his friend’s throat. For the first time, he wished he had his metal arm on display. Despite the fact that they knew who he was, it always made the threat seem so much more real.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why should I?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you fucking stupid?” It was Louis who spoke this time, gesturing towards Bucky. “You’ve clearly lost the upper hand.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The man snorted. “Just because you have the Win--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky pulled the trigger.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The man dropped to the ground, his face frozen in lax shock. His friend struggled against Bucky, but he didn’t let up his grip. Liam was breathing heavily, eyes wide and terrified. Louis swore and reholstered his guns. His hands shook as he ran them through his hair. Blood was splattered on Liam’s face and was soaking the soles of his boots, but he was frozen in place.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you,” Bucky sounded desperate to even his own ears and he cringed internally. “I didn’t have to do this.” He pulled the man by the back of his neck, forcing him inside the gas station. He directed him to the office, closing and locking the door behind them. He crossed the room to close the window, not wanting the extra risk of Louis and Liam being able to hear him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck--</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you know who I was?” Bucky demanded, pressing the barrel against his chest. “You can’t see the arm so how did you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“My family followed your story really closely, okay? Fuck loosen up, man,” he let out a deep breath, his hands shaking. “I just watched you kill my friend, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care. Was anyone else with you?” The barrel of the gun pressed harder into the man’s chest and he winced.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it was just us. I swear,” he pleaded, and Bucky moved the gun away from his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck!” Bucky kicked the filing cabinet next to the desk and felt it bend under his boot. “Why did you have to fucking do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t they know who you are? Bucky Barnes,” he added, almost like a test, and Bucky grabbed one of his knives. He held it to the man’s throat.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not so nice, is it?” He mused with a smirk. “Tell me how you found us.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to kill me either way?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t decided yet.” Bucky leant against the wall across from the man, stretching his leg to rest on the desk across from him, creating a barrier between the man and the door with his own body. “What’s your name?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tony.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re kidding.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m really not,” he shook his head with a disbelieving smile. “Why don’t they know who you are?” He repeated his question, leaning against the desk himself. He either had great confidence in the fact that Bucky was going to kill him and didn’t care, or he severely underestimated Bucky’s own survival instincts. No smart man has ever lived by letting men that want them dead walk free.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t see why it matters to you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tony</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“They seem like good men,” he shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And I don’t?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We both know what you’ve done.” It was Bucky’s turn to shrug, flipping his knife in his hand. Tony’s eyes were zeroed in on it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You know your friend is the first person I’ve killed since I stopped being the Winter Soldier?” Bucky’s tone had shifted, and Tony had picked up on it, his heartrate picking up. Bucky raised a brow as he realised. “I’ve minded my own business, left people alone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> came here and threatened my friend’s life. For what? A few cans of food. Would you have killed him if he put up more of a fight? How does that make you any better of a man than me?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you gonna kill me then?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no. I’m going to let them decide.” He pointed in Louis and Liam’s direction with his knife. “See, the difference between us, Tony, is that when I did bad things to people, I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>made</span>
  </em>
  <span> to. You’re just an asshole.” Bucky stood up straight and took the tiniest bit of pleasure in watching Tony shrink into himself. “Wait here.” Bucky closed the door behind him and dragged one of the heavy shelves in front of it so Tony wouldn’t be able to get out even if he tried.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis and Liam were still outside but the contents of Liam’s pack were no longer across the floor and they had moved away from the man’s body. Louis was washing Liam’s face with a bottle of water and Bucky ignored how much of a waste it was. It would do nothing but make it worse. Bucky tapped down the pockets of Tony’s friend, unsurprised when he found nothing. With a sigh, he pushed himself up and made his way to Liam, slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your ears?” Bucky asked, crouching next to Liam, opposite to Louis. He took the bottle from Louis’ hands – which hadn’t stopped shaking – and started washing the remaining blood off himself. Louis just sat down, starting into space.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ringing a little bit,” Liam admitted, taking some of the water to drink when Bucky offered. “I’m so sorry, James.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t fast enough, and they got the better of me, I should’ve--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be dumb,” Bucky interrupted, wiping the excess water from Liam’s face with his jacket. “There were two of them and you did exactly what I told you to do. He wasn’t going to let you go and I made that decision without thinking about the both of you. So, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you, you are more than forgiven,” Liam offered him a small smile and Bucky returned the gesture. Louis was still staring out into the woods, but Bucky noticed him wringing his hands together as the conversation went on.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s the other guy?” Louis’ voice was rough when he spoke, as if he was holding back tears.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Inside. I locked him in the office.” He paused. “We should decide what we’re going to do. Let him go or . . .” He trailed off. The silence felt deafening, Liam not looking Bucky in the eye and Louis still staring into the fucking woods.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Kill him.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Liam. They would’ve killed you and I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. I’m not giving that fucker another chance.” He looked at Bucky. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Louis nodded and stood. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it last minute, turning and walking away instead. “Will he be okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Liam sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “He just needs time to get over it. I’ll keep an eye on him, if you could take my pack inside?” Bucky nodded, watching as Louis walked into the woods next to the gas station. “He’ll be fine,” Liam assured him. “Just let him have his space.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Bucky agreed and stood with a sigh. “I’ll go – take care of him, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry you have to do this, James.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky smiled bitterly. “I’d be lying if I said it was the worst thing I’ve had to do in my life.” He pulled Liam up and grabbed his pack, leaving Liam to deal with Louis. He had to deal with Tony. He dropped Liam’s pack behind the counter and moved the shelf in front of the office door. “Tony,” He was met with a heavy sigh, but Tony reluctantly opened the door. “Come with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky grabbed his wrist, keeping his grip light. It wouldn’t take much for him to overpower Tony, but he didn’t think the man would fight. It seemed like he had come to terms with his fate, holding his head high as Bucky led him to what was essentially an execution. He couldn’t see Liam and Louis as they exited the station, but he trusted they wouldn’t wander off far. Not after what had just happened.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“They decide to kill me then?” There was no fear in his voice, just tired acceptance.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately for you.” Bucky pulled him into the forest, setting a fast pace. The sun was on the brink of setting, the rays spilling through the leaves and bathing them in an amber glow. If there was a time of day to die, Bucky thought, this was a beautiful one. He led Tony further into the forest, his mind set on finding an area far enough away from the gas station that they wouldn’t summon more undead to them. One gunshot was enough to get a swarm of them, let alone two.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell them who you were?” It was the third time Tony asked the question and Bucky submitted with a defeated sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want them to see the cracks in my humanity,” he admitted. “I thought they would be afraid of me if they knew.” Tony stopped in his tracks and Bucky tensed.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you think it’s too late for that now?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tony’s eyes held no resentment and there was no malice behind the words. They watched each other in silence as Bucky deliberated if he wanted to answer. Everything happened so quickly that he hadn’t had a proper chance to think about what Louis and Liam would think about him – would they still trust him, or would they think he was a cold-blooded murderer? He had his reasons for shooting Tony’s friend, more than the selfish desire to keep his proper identity a secret for as long as he could get away with, but what if they didn’t want to hear his reasons? All it took was one seed of doubt, one thought that maybe he shot a bit </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> quickly, acted too rash; that tiny little seed could destroy everything he had tried to build.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope not.” He effectively ended the conversation, leading Tony deeper into the forest until they came across a small break in the trees. There were small orange wildflowers dotted around the clearing and the sun made the grass gleam golden. If the circumstances were different, this would be the kind of place Bucky would seek out to read a book or just tilt his head back and let the sun warm his skin. He let go of Tony and pulled his rifle to his front.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ain’t a bad place to die.” Tony smiled a small, melancholy smile. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you--” Bucky’s throat felt tight and he cleared it before trying again. “Do you want to face me?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tony considered his offer for a moment, his eyes still closed. “You’re haunted by enough ghosts already,” he decided, but turned to face Bucky anyway. “God’s not done with you yet Bucky Barnes, but when he is, I hope he is more merciful to you than I would’ve been.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no mercy for men like me, in the eyes of God or otherwise.” Tony merely smirked at Bucky’s response. He faced the clearing again, spreading his arms wide as if he was preparing to take flight. “If God is done with </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, are you ready for retribution?” Bucky didn’t know why he was stalling, but that moment felt important to him. This was Bucky Barnes taking an unarmed man’s life. This was not desperation in the heat of the moment; it was not the Godless land of war; it was not to save his own life; it was not something he had forced upon him. He had a choice, and he had made the decision to kill.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything other than this world would be a reward,” Tony stretched his arms out further and Bucky repositioned his grip on his gun. “Got anything you want me to take to the great beyond?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing for me there.” He tightened his hold on the trigger.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tony dropped to his knees, his arms slowly falling with him. His hair was mottled to his head with blood and the grass that glowed golden was now bathed in red. Bucky slowly lowered his rifle, eyes locked on Tony’s corpse. He was facedown and Bucky supposed that that was a small mercy that God, the universe, whatever higher power was at work, awarded him with. Bucky suddenly felt exhausted, the stress of the day settling in his bones and weighing him down. His head hung as he crouched in the grass, breathing slowly and trying to ignore the dead body not even a few metres away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>ready</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have to do this. He was filled with adrenaline and fear when he shot that first man – he hadn’t even learnt his </span>
  <em>
    <span>name</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He didn’t even think to ask. The realisation hit him like a punch in the gut. He had killed two men in cold blood and hadn’t even known one of their </span>
  <em>
    <span>names</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Logically, Bucky knew that he did what he had to do. That man was dangerous, and Bucky had no doubt in his mind that he would have killed Liam. If he wasn’t intimidated with the Winter Soldier in his presence, what would have stopped him? As much as he could try to convince himself otherwise, he knows in the moment his main motive was fuelled by panic. Being so close to his identity being exposed in the worst way possible set his nerves alight, and he reacted accordingly. He couldn’t but ask himself if it would have mattered anyway. If he had just let the man live to finish his sentence, tell Louis and Liam who he really was. Now, even if they didn’t look at Bucky and see the Winter Soldier, they were still going to look at him and see a murderer. He did it because Louis asked him to. He didn’t even think twice. He could have let Tony go, told him not to come back because Bucky would have to kill him next time. He brought him so far into the woods, Louis wouldn’t have known. Liam probably would have preferred it that way. Yet, he still did it, and he was going to have to carry that with him for a very, very long time.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He let out a deep breath as he stood. With the rifle thrown over his shoulder, he massaged his right hand as he made his way back to the gas station. Dusk had settled fully across the sky, and the forest felt almost suffocating in its darkness. He dragged his feet as he walked, his thoughts running wild and his exhaustion slowing him down. He couldn’t find it in him to care. Despite his slow pace, the walk back went quickly, and Bucky felt almost relieved as he spotted the gas station. The man’s body was still splayed in the carpark, the pool of blood black in the moonlight. His eyes were still wide open as if he was watching the stars, even with a bullet through his eyes. Bucky tasted bile in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He placed his rifle on the floor, shoving his hands under the man’s armpits. He was cold to the touch and Bucky swallowed the guilt, lifting the man over his shoulder. The man was heavy, but Bucky barely struggled, walking him to the edge of the forest and laying him in the old leaves. “I’m sorry.” He pushed himself away, making a beeline for the gas station doors. Louis and Liam had clearly lit their flashlights, the main room illuminated in the manufactured glow.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Feeling better?” Bucky asked as he walked in, placing the rifle on the front counter. The question was directed at Louis, but he didn’t look at Bucky and Liam answered in his place.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re alright. Thanks, James,” Liam tried for a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. Bucky couldn’t blame him. “Are you gonna have some food with us?” He gestured to the small pile of goodies they had managed to scavenge from the shelves around them.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Bucky sat with his back to the counter, able to keep his eye on his companions but also the front door, just in case. He was on edge now, exhaustion weighing his limbs down and making him irritable. He let out a full-body sigh, letting his head fall back to rest against the counter with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thump</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Drawing his knees up to his chest, he rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his palms and rested his elbows on his knees. He could hear Liam and Louis speaking still, their voices low, but he could feel them both watching him. His mind felt frantic, replaying Bucky shooting those men over and over. He saw flashes of other deaths – other murders – and felt like throwing up.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His Hydra programming had been broken down and he was no longer in danger of turning into a mindless killing machine at a string of words, but there were some things they didn’t have time to fix. Repressed memories, guilt-ridden nightmares, the ever-crushing moment of realisation when a memory of the Winter Soldier resurfaces. He had been relatively safe in his little cabin, nightmares only plaguing him consecutively for the first couple of months before he slowly stopped dreaming altogether. Killing the undead didn’t bother him, they had no chance to live anyway, but killing Tony and his friend…</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t lying when he told Tony his friend was the first person Bucky had killed after being the Winter Soldier. They had bigger things on their plate, with the start of the virus that wouldn’t stop spreading and desperately trying to find a cure. Once their team fell victim to it and started falling apart, Bucky was exiled and left to heal his own mind. He couldn’t remember the last time he had to deal with anything like this, and he wasn’t sure how he was going to push himself through it. He didn’t want Louis and Liam to be able to see through the cracks in his humanity, but they were seeing it right now. They had a fucking front row seat.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He took in deep breaths, keeping his eyes closed and trying to take his mind to other places. He thought of the cabin, of the river and the way the sun would filter through the surface when he would swim along the bottom. He thought about sitting by the fireplace with his worn books, his records playing softly. He tried to replace the bad images with ones that calmed him, the places he felt safe.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Bucky tensed as Liam rested his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, but he slowly felt his body relax and his breathing level.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Bucky sighed, moving his hands from his eyes and giving Liam a genuine smile. “Just haven’t gotten enough sleep.” They let him get away with the lie.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re up for it, we had something we wanted to talk about,” Liam moved back next to Louis and Bucky repressed another sigh. Liam was definitely the most serious out of the two, and he clearly was very easily influenced by Louis when it came to having to initiate these conversations. Bucky nodded and gestured for Liam to continue talking. “We were thinking, maybe we should get a car and take that to Tennessee. It would be a lot quicker and we wouldn’t be as prone to attacks from walkers. We found jerry cans in the back full of gas, we might be able to--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Any car that has been left would have a dead battery,” Bucky interrupted, just wanting to lie down and sleep for twelve hours. “Being in a car leaves us vulnerable to ambushes and having to navigate blocked roads. We would have to be extra vigilant, even more than we would if we did the whole thing on foot.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It would take half the time,” Louis argued, a frown marring his features. He was very pretty for a man, and a frown didn’t sit right on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It would still take us a lot of time to clear roads and highways,” Bucky argued. “If we have the stuff and can find a battery starter, we can look into the idea. I still think it will be best if we are on foot, we’ll draw less attention that way.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look how much good that did us today,” Louis mumbled, clearly not expecting Bucky to be able to hear it. He couldn’t bring himself to feel anything but just </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go sleep,” Bucky stretched and stood up, skirting around the circle of food they had built on the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Another thing,” Louis cleared his throat and Bucky could hear his heartbeat, accelerated to a worrying amount, “Would you mind sleeping in a separate room to me and Liam?” Liam looked shocked at the question, so this was clearly a Louis-only request.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis, what the fuck?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s still bit and I don’t want to risk him turning in the middle of the night,” Louis stood up and stepped towards Bucky. “Look, he’s already acting different and I don’t want to risk us getting infected because we were too blind to see it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s acting different because he’s clearly fucking exhausted,” Liam argued, subtly placing himself between Louis and Bucky. The weird thing was, Bucky didn’t know which one of the men he was defending, despite his words being in Bucky’s favour. “He hasn’t slept to keep watch over us and he is the only reason I’m not dead out there. You know as well as I do that he’s not anywhere </span>
  <em>
    <span>near</span>
  </em>
  <span> turning.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t take that risk, Liam,” Louis argued, turning his pleading eyes to Bucky. “James, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you—” Bucky interrupted himself with a sigh “—that if I felt anything close to turning, I would tell you. I’m here to make sure you and Liam don’t die, how am I supposed to protect you when I’m not allowed near you?” Bucky couldn’t help but raise his voice, unable to hide his frustration. He was holding his hands out, almost like a plea.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d be protecting us if you just slept in a different room,” Louis argued and Bucky couldn’t help the bitterness that rose in him. Being sent off when he wasn’t useful, just like he was dropped in the middle of Fuck Off, Kentucky when they decided he wasn’t needed in DC.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to worry,” Bucky spat. “When it comes to it, I’ll even give you the honour of putting me down since you seem to be so fucking excited for the day to come.” Louis gasped and Bucky knew he would feel guilty about it later, but seeing Louis shrink into himself in the moment was satisfying. He had </span>
  <em>
    <span>killed</span>
  </em>
  <span> someone because Louis asked him to, and Louis couldn’t even give him the courtesy of trusting him to be in the same fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>room</span>
  </em>
  <span> as him. Once again, Bucky was just a tool to be used and thrown aside because he was too dangerous when he wasn’t contained. “I’m going to keep watch.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He heard Louis call after him but Bucky ignored him. He grabbed his rifle off the counter and pushed through the front doors of the store. The doors slammed behind him but he paid them no mind, stalking around the side of the store and out of view of Liam and Louis. He paced back and forth, crossing his arms over his head and trying to alleviate some of the anger he was feeling. His heart was racing with the adrenaline, but he didn’t want to go far and risk something else happening to Liam and Louis. As much as he was angry at Louis, he wouldn’t do anything to put him at risk.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was a small ladder attached to the side of the building and Bucky climbed it quickly, wanting to get out of the open. Despite the cracks in the concrete, the roof was sturdy and held his weight as he crossed it. There were two chairs and a small table towards the edge of the roof and Bucky approached them warily. The chairs looked cheap, but didn’t buckle as he sat down, feet braced to catch himself if he fell. The table was a shitty old metal and plastic thing, the legs rusting and the top sporting a few cracks and sun damage. It only held an old glass ashtray, the butts that were left behind bloated with water and bleached from their time in the sun. It was relaxing, and Bucky could see why people would want to sit up here during the day. It would be a beautiful view of the woods, but he liked how it was of a night – the woods were pitch black and if he didn’t have enhanced vision, he wouldn’t be able to see a thing.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The stars are what really caught his attention. They shone so brightly with nothing around to dull them. It was something Bucky had carried with him since he was younger, his love of stars and space. If things had gone differently for him, he would’ve liked to be an astronomer or something similar. Dreams lost in the passage of time. Who knows, maybe he could have pursued it if the end of the world didn’t happen. It wasn’t like he would have died any time soon, thanks to the serum. Maybe it was a sign from the universe that he wasn’t destined for anything great like that. He was a soldier, and a damn good one at that.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He put his rifle down next to him, stretching his body and closing his eyes as the breeze washed over him. It was still cold during the night, despite the fact that it was Spring, but he had always ran a bit hot. He took his jacket off and laid it across his lap, letting out a frustrated huff at the sleeve still pulled over his metal arm. He had managed to take it off a couple of times since they left the cabin, but with how restless he was feeling tonight he just needed it </span>
  <em>
    <span>gone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He didn’t want to risk Louis or Liam seeing it and freaking out, especially after everything that happened today. It would probably be the last nail in the coffin for Bucky.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He had been alone for about an hour when he heard footsteps approaching the side of the building, stopping at the ladder. It was Liam, the gait unsteady, and Bucky steeled himself for the conversation ahead of him. Surely, Liam was going to tell Bucky off for treating Louis like that. Deep down, he knew it was wrong, but he was still so wrapped up in his own emotions he couldn’t help but see it as justified.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Liam,” Bucky almost sighed the words but Liam still returned the greeting and sat next to him. They didn’t speak, Liam just joining Bucky in tilting his head back and watching the stars. Liam was calm next to him and it was calming Bucky down too, regulating his breathing to match Liam’s and crossing his legs to get more comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You can take that thing off, you know.” Liam’s tone was casual but an icy feeling filled Bucky’s whole body.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever it is that makes your arm look like that,” Liam met Bucky’s eyes. “I can tell it’s bugging you, you keep rubbing at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just take it off,” Liam interrupted, averting his eyes as Bucky tugged off his turtleneck and tugged at the sleeve until it slid down his arm. He laid the turtleneck and sleeve across his lap with his jacket and let out a sigh of relief as the metal plates shifted for the first time in over a day. “Feel better?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Bucky turned to face Liam. “How’d you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I saw it,” Liam laughed. “When you stitched up my leg? Also, when you made us breakfast that first day. Louis hasn’t noticed,” he added, just as Bucky was going to ask the question. “I thought I recognised you, when we first saw you in the woods. It was kind of hard to tell in the dark and with everything going on though. Then I saw it and just knew.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why haven’t you told Louis?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my secret to tell,” Liam shrugged. “I think it would be a lot easier to tell him, especially since he still thinks you’ve been bit, but that’s not up to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t—” Bucky felt his throat get tight “—I haven’t killed anyone since I stopped being </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know?” Bucky shook his head, the familiar sting of tears building at the back of his eyes. “I just panicked today, I didn’t – I don’t want you or Louis to think I’m a monster,” he admitted. “That’s why I didn’t say anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“James--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Call me Bucky, please. I’ve always liked Bucky better.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Liam smiled. “Bucky, I know you’re not a monster. Louis knows it, too. I could see it in you today, you’re not who they made you become. No monster could have looked that shaken up, that regretful. I didn’t know Louis was going to ask you to sleep somewhere else,” he added after the silence had dragged.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Bucky groaned in frustration and rubbed at his eyes. “I’m just not ready to tell him. I was going to,” he shifted so he was facing Liam as he spoke. “I heard you guys talking about bringing me someplace on the first night, and I thought that if you trusted me enough to ask, I would trust you both and tell you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What changed?” There was no judgement to Liam’s voice and it felt good to have someone to talk to, despite everything.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want you to take it back because you thought I was dangerous,” Bucky admitted, flexing his fingers. The light of the moon was reflecting off the metal, and as much as Bucky hated to admit it, it was beautiful. “I… I really needed this and I didn’t want it to be jeopardised if you knew who I was.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Liam stayed silent for a long time after Bucky’s confession. “I can’t be sure it wouldn’t have changed things, I can’t speak for Louis. I would’ve still wanted you to come with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Bucky let out a deep breath. “I would kill for a smoke right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Filthy habit.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Not like it would kill me,” Bucky barked out a laugh, surprised at the sound. Liam looked confused but recovered quickly, covering it with a smile. “Do you think he’ll stop hating me?” Bucky asked after a few more minutes of silence.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis is complicated.” Liam didn’t offer any more than that, and Bucky let the words settle. Complicated was one way to put it. Bucky had never met anyone that confused him as much as Louis did; his hot and cold attitude, the way sometimes he seemed so pleased to get a sliver of a conversation out of Bucky, but then other times seemed like he wanted to hit Bucky every time he dared open his mouth, it was all so </span>
  <em>
    <span>perplexing.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Bucky had a talent when it came to reading people, but Louis seemed just always out of his reach. It was infuriating.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You should get some sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I could say the same about you,” Liam scoffed, but stood anyway. “Don’t take what Louis says to heart too much. You’re a good guy, Bucky.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Liam.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As much as it kind of scared Bucky that Liam knew who he was, the feeling settled deep within him and he couldn’t help but smile at the thought. It was nice, after so long, to finally feel like he belonged somewhere again.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
  
  
  <span>-       </span>
  
  <span>-          </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky couldn’t remember falling asleep, but woke with the sunrise.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was a thick layer of fog surrounding the woods and Bucky could see his breath when he exhaled. He pulled his arm sleeve back on, his turtleneck and jacket following. He sat there for a moment, watching the sun rise over the trees and the fog dissipate and tried to ignore the feeling of dread that simmered in his stomach. He couldn’t dwell on the previous day, on Tony or Louis or even his conversation with Liam. He wanted to cover as much ground as they could before the sun set, and he couldn’t afford to be distractions. The more he spent time with other people, the harder it was to ignore the distractions. He wasn’t the perfect soldier anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The chair creaked as he stood, slinging his rifle over his shoulder. He made quick work of climbing down the ladder and pointedly ignored the blood pool dried on the asphalt of the carpark. The doors were locked when he tried to open them – at least they had the good sense to do that, Bucky thought bitterly – so instead he banged as hard as he could with his right hand, not wanting the break the glass.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, Louis was the one to get up first and unlock the doors, his hair sticking up in random directions and his eyes slightly bloodshot. “Get ready, I want to get on the road as soon as possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis grumbled in response, rubbing at his eyes and going into the back room. Bucky grabbed his pack and picked at the shelves while he waited. They had already scavenged what food, water and first aid supplies they could find but hadn’t gone beyond that. There wasn’t anything else of use to them – just scattered supplies for car maintenance that wouldn’t do them any good unless they found a car that would actually start – so Bucky moved to wait outside.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The morning was already heating quickly, the fog almost completely gone, and he knew it was going to be hot, grateful that they had managed to find a few unopened water bottles in the abandoned gas station. He leant against the exterior wall of the store, arms crossed as he mentally planned their route for the day. He had the map in his pack and the compass still tucked safely in his pocket, but wouldn’t need them yet. If they went into the woods where they went on their detour, they’d be back on track.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He was so lost in thought, if he wasn’t enhanced he probably wouldn’t have heard it. It sounded like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>plane</span>
  </em>
  <span>, a fucking plane in the middle of nowhere during a fucking apocalypse. He removed himself from the wall, standing in the middle of the road to see if he could spot anything in the sky. There was nothing but blue and the odd puff of a cloud, not even a bird in sight. Bucky shook his head to clear it, blaming it on the lack of sleep. If he was having fucking hallucinations now, that was going to be a bigger problem.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything okay?” Liam asked, his eyes bright but concerned. Bucky just nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We decided you were right about the car.” It was said too quickly, like Louis had been rehearsing it. Bucky quirked his brow in a silent question. “If you really think it will be more of a hassle, we shouldn’t bother.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky recognised the statement for the truce it was supposed to be, but didn’t acknowledge it any more than he had to. “Right. We’re going back into the woods and heading West.” He turned on his heel, still squinting at the sky despite the sound disappearing. It didn’t sit right with him. The sound was so familiar, yet so out of place in the world they were currently living in. Louis and Liam followed him quietly, trying to be subtle in looking at the sky too, but failing miserably. If it were any other day, he would probably be amused.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled out his compass when the surroundings started to look familiar and directed them West, keeping his gun locked to his side almost obsessively. After Liam being ambushed the day before, and the unidentified noise in the morning, Bucky was on edge. It didn’t help that the usual steady stream of chatter from Louis was absent. The silence was almost suffocating, and every cracked twig or rustle of the leaves sounded like gunshots in his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The silence finally broke around midday, the sun beating down on them as if God was punishing them for what they did the day before. Liam needed to rest his leg, and Bucky noted that more hours were passing between resting breaks. It meant good progress was being made with his leg healing, and that meant it could only get easier for them from there. “I hope you’re not overworking it,” Bucky dropped his pack and leant against a tree, watching as Liam massaged the muscle surrounding his wound.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not too bad, it’s a little stiff but I just need a little rest.” Bucky nodded, pulling a bottle of water for himself and another for Louis, who hadn’t taken his pack off yet. He was standing off to the side, a few metres away from them, staring out into the forest. Bucky would like to know where his mind wandered to when he just stared into the abyss.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky called him and threw him the bottle when he turned. “Thanks.” He wandered closer to the other men, but seemed unsure of himself. He hovered near Bucky as he drank, his eyes flitting over to watch him every few seconds.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If you have something to say, say it,” Bucky demanded. He could feel his anger flaring again, even though he knew it wasn’t completely fair. He knew that Louis thought he was infected and was going to turn, and there was an easy fix to that, but the lack of trust Louis had in him was rubbing him the wrong way. He trusted Bucky to kill for him, but wouldn’t trust him to warn him if his situation changed.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to talk about yesterday--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about yesterday,” Bucky interrupted.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Too bad.” Louis tightened the cap of his bottle and threw it at Bucky. It didn’t hurt where it hit him in the chest, but Bucky straightened up anyway and fought the urge to crush the stupid plastic thing. Louis didn’t seem phased by Bucky looming over him and it fuelled his rage even more.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span> “‘Too fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad</span>
  </em>
  <span>?’” Bucky flung the bottle to the ground, not finding it in himself to be embarrassed at the theatrics of it. “You don’t get to demand things from me, princess. If I say I don’t want to talk about it, that’s end of.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call me </span>
  <em>
    <span>princess</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Louis sneered. It was a feral gesture, and Bucky thought he was finally going to see the side of Louis he had been hiding since that first night. “Get off your fucking high horse, you’re not the most important guy here--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That is </span>
  <em>
    <span>rich</span>
  </em>
  <span> coming from you,” Bucky snorted without humour. Both their voices were raised, and he noticed Liam watching the exchange calmly. At least one of them had a level head.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” Louis stepped into Bucky’s personal space. He had to look up to meet Bucky’s eye, but didn’t let that deter him as he stood his ground.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You heard me. You have a lot of fuckin’ nerve pulling that shit when all I’ve done is what you’ve asked.” Bucky’s breaths were rapid, the frustration a physical ache in his bones. He wanted so badly to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>break</span>
  </em>
  <span> something, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He could feel the tension in his muscles and the metal plates of his arm shifting as much as they could under the sleeve.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you kidding me?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hardly. I told you before we left, Louis. Lie to yourself as much as you want, but don’t fucking lie to me,” Louis’ face twisted. “I came with you to protect you and Liam, not have your bullshit thrown at me. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>killed </span>
  </em>
  <span>someone because you asked me to, the least you could do is trust me!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I do trust you!” Louis screamed, his composure breaking. He stepped back from Bucky and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. His hands were shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just stop, Louis,” Bucky let out a defeated sigh. He shook his head, reaching for his pack.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not trying to </span>
  <em>
    <span>start</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything, I--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to attract every undead in a kilometre radius if you keep fucking yelling,” Bucky hissed, and Louis closed his mouth. The set of his jaw was tense and Bucky could see the anger burning in his eyes. “Just get your pack and let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“James.” Liam stood and reached a hand out for Bucky. Bucky flinched and stepped back. Liam held his hands up in surrender, but Bucky saw the hurt flash across his face. He couldn’t bring himself to care, anger digging its claws into him and refusing to let go. As much as he respected Louis and his determination, he despised his lack of boundaries and his need to do everything then and there. Bucky knew he was in a weird headspace and that wasn’t helping the situation, but Louis just kept </span>
  <em>
    <span>pushing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s like he didn’t know when to quit. Bucky couldn’t handle that, not after the onslaught of emotion that had hit him in the last day.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They continued on, the tension in the air was so heavy it felt like a physical weight on their shoulders. The heat was suffocating, sweat dripping down the other two men’s temples and slowing their pace. The humid air did nothing to help clear Bucky’s head, his brain too muddled with anger and confusion to even award itself a short reprieve. Louis walked behind both Bucky and Liam, the trio falling into the defensive formation Bucky only put them in when a situation felt dangerous. He tried not to overthink what that meant.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They came across a pack of the undead wandering off a small trail path, heading straight towards them. Bucky bit back the smug remark at the tip of his tongue. The defeated set of Louis’ shoulders meant he already knew they were heading in the direction of their yelling match. When they were about half a kilometre out, Bucky stopped the other two men.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait here.” He dropped his pack and rolled his shoulders, loosening some of the tension there. He pulled a knife from his belt and the holster in his thigh, the familiar weight of them grounding. His body was thrumming with adrenaline and excitement at finally being able to get rid of his pent up energy. There were nine of them, a perfect challenge for him.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He set out in a run towards the undead, meeting their hungry groans with a frustrated yell of his own. He hit the one at the front of the pack with his shoulder, sending the thing sprawling and bringing his boot down to crush its skull. His body took over in the adrenaline of battle, knives sinking into eye sockets and slashing across throats. One knife stuck in the skull of the undead and another thrown onto the ground out of reach, Bucky ignored the panicked calls behind him as the last of the pack stumbled towards him. The rest of his knives too risky to grab while the undead approached, he bounded towards it with an ungodly yell. With one hand on its forehead, he pulled at its bottom jaw until he broke it. The bone hung loose off the undead’s face, but it didn’t deter it. Bucky tightened his grip on its head, ramming it into a nearby tree. It grabbed at him, tugging at his jacket and growling at him. It took three strong hits against the tree for it to finally fall limp, arms falling to its sides. Bucky dropped the undead, his ears ringing and his breathing steady despite what he had just done. He could feel blood on his face, his hands covered in it. Nine bodies lay around him, skin rotting and clothes falling off them. He wiped his hands on his pants and ran his sleeves over his face, wiping off what he could. He collected his knives, wiping the blood off on what remained intact of the undead’s clothing.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit.” Bucky ignored Liam and reached for his pack, knives stashed back in their rightful places.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you were just in the Army?” Louis had his arms crossed over his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut the fuck up.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They headed West and didn’t bring it up again.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
  
  
  <span>-       </span>
  
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, which Bucky couldn’t help but deem a blessing considering how the last 24 hours had gone.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They had wandered onto a property shortly before sunset, the cabin locked up tight with the unmistakable sounds of the undead filtering through the gaps in the door. Bucky decided it was best to leave it alone. There was an old wooden gazebo towards the back of the property and Bucky declared it their roost for the night. Any protection against the elements was good enough for him. He sourced some firewood from a dilapidated shed, carrying an armful and dumping it in front of the gazebo, much to the surprise of Louis. Liam just rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky was shooed away from starting the fire, Liam telling him it was time for him to just relax. Bucky simply shrugged and settled himself next to the little firepit they had dug themselves, using his arm as a pillow and staring up at the sky as it turned from the orange hue of sunset to the deep blue of dusk. They ate their dinner in relative silence, huddling by the fire as the chill of Spring nights settled around them. After dinner, and many failed attempts to start a decent conversation, Liam excused himself to sleep so he could keep watch for the latter end of the night. Louis decided to stay by the fire with Bucky.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I was trying to apologise earlier.” Louis broke their awkward silence and Bucky jumped in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a funny way of showing it,” Bucky grumbled. He picked up a stray leaf off the ground and started to rip it into little pieces.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I really am sorry, James,” Louis sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arm around them. He was watching Bucky across the fire, the flames reflecting in his eyes. He looked sincere. “I’m not trying to be a dick, I swear. I’m just—I’m so fucking stressed about my family,” he admitted. “I don’t know if they’re actually alive. All I have to go off of is a note my Mum wrote God knows when. There’s just… there’s nothing I wouldn’t have done for them before, you know? And I know you said you’ll tell me when you feel like you might turn and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> trust you, but then I start overthinking it and I see you as someone who could possibly stop me from getting to them safely, and I can’t help it. I can’t think rationally, even though I know you’ve done nothing but help us. It makes me crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky was silent for so long that Louis started to get up from the fire. “I get it,” he sighed, and Louis stopped in his tracks. “When I was deployed, my quadrant got captured by the enemy side,” Louis sat back down, arms hugged around his knees again. It felt dangerous telling him this, but the moment felt heavy and it felt right. “We were there for God knows how long; it’s all a bit of a blur now. My-my Captain,” his voice caught on the word, “defied orders to come and rescue us. I didn’t even know he was there, I was so fucking angry when I realised.” He smiled and saw Louis’ lips turn up, too. “But he went through so much to get me—us—back. After we got back to base, we were sent out on another mission to find the people who captured us originally.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It went to shit. We were in a building that was about to explode and I was so close to the exit, and he was just going to stay behind. Such a fucking hero,” Bucky snorted and was surprised to realise his eyes were tearing as he told the story. “He told me to go, get to safety while he figured out a way to get out. I refused to. Almost walked right back into the fucking fire, because I refused to leave him behind… We’re all stupid and a little bit crazy when it comes to the people we care about. I can’t blame you for that.” Louis’ cheek was resting on his knee, his eyes boring into Bucky’s. His hair was hanging limply around his face and his stubble had reached the point of an almost-beard again since they left the cabin. He seemed to be thinking about something, and Bucky’s heartrate spiked with nerves. Bucky was finally extending an olive branch of his own, and it all hung in the balance while he waited for Louis’ response.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How did that man know you?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky repressed a sigh. He knew it would come up eventually but was hoping for more time to prepare for whatever story he had to spin to get Louis off his back. In the end, he decided on another lie by omission. “I was kind of well-known before all this happened.” He kept his tone casual, hoping it would alleviate the need of any more questions down that path.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“When you told me—when you said you killed someone for me,” Louis took a deep breath, as if he was steeling himself to ask the question, “did you mean it? If I didn’t say to kill him, what would you have done?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky thought about his answer carefully. “I don’t know. I was angry and I was scared, and I hadn’t had to do anything like that for years. It fucks with your brain. I think I was wrong to blame you, but I haven’t decided yet. I might have done it anyway, I might have just let him go, but he’s too dead for it to matter now.” Louis nodded at Bucky’s response, seemingly satisfied by whatever he got out of it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you love him? Your Captain?” Louis’ voice was curious but not demanding and Bucky let out a wet laugh. At Louis accepting his unspoken apology, at the question that seemed so innocent but felt like it was ripping Bucky’s heart into as many pieces as the leaves he had been scattering around him, at the way almost a century’s worth of memories seemed to wash over him in a second, cutting him deeper than they ever had before.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I did. Too much sometimes, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about him.” His eyes shone and he seemed so full of life again, excited at the prospect of just sitting by the fire and talking to Bucky. Bucky’s stomach fluttered.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He was a stubborn motherfucker,” Bucky started and when Louis laughed, it felt like a victory.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky told Louis about Steve, about what he was like before the war, and what he had become when Bucky was finally himself again; Louis told him about his ex-boyfriend, about the shitty poetry he used to write and their very public break-up. They traded stories about their families, what they missed most about the world before, what they would do first if everything ever went back to normal. They talked until the fire started to die down and Louis could barely hold his head up anymore. Bucky couldn’t help but feel fond as Louis started to drift off, trying so hard to stay awake and listen to Bucky’s stories, but ultimately failing. He walked to the other side of the fire, hands slipping under Louis’ knees and circling around his back. He carried him to the gazebo, setting him down so he could use his pack as a pillow. Away from the fire, he started to shiver. Bucky unzipped his jacket and draped it over Louis, who settled in deeper and let out a satisfied huff in his sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Jamie.” Bucky smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in a very long time, he felt genuinely happy. He hoped it would last just a little while longer.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. It Will Become Undone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> “This is going to be dangerous,” Bucky sighed.</p><p> </p><p>They were standing at the entry of a highway, guns drawn while they scoped out the cars closest to them. Bucky didn’t want to take the highways – thought it was a risk not worth taking – but eventually relented when Louis kept asking, wanting to trim some time off their journey to Tennessee. They were already making good time, Liam’s leg not holding them back much. They had made two more stops to restock their supplies, and both had gone by without a hitch. Considering how poorly their first stop had gone, that wasn’t saying much. They had fallen into an easy harmony, though. They fell into formation whenever Bucky was too on edge and neither Liam or Louis questioned him. Louis had continued to call him “Jamie” and, embarrassingly, it made his stomach flutter each time – not that he would never admit that out loud. Bucky hadn’t had much experience on the Outside, had dealt with the small amount of the undead that bothered him easily, but he thought it would be harder.</p><p> </p><p>He had seen the experiments that had been done on the undead, saw how strong they could be, saw the projected numbers of the diseased and how many had already turned; those numbers were not promising, and that was over a year ago. He didn’t consider himself a pessimist but couldn’t see the situation getting better rather than worse. He tried to convince himself that if there had been a vaccine, a cure, any way to reverse the effects of the disease, he would’ve been contacted. The more he thought about it, the harder it became to convince himself that he was ever going to go home. He wasn’t sure he knew where home was anymore. Until he figured that out, he was happy where he was.</p><p> </p><p>Their little group had fallen into a routine, Bucky and Louis staying up together to take first watch while Liam slept. Sometimes Bucky would stay up for the whole night, drape his jacket over Louis to keep him warm while he slept, and talk to Liam until the sun rose. It took a few days for Louis to get over his embarrassment and sleep next to Bucky again, staying close for warmth. Just over a week in and he decided it was in his best interests to use Bucky’s chest as a pillow and tell Liam to fuck off if he teased him for it. It was entertaining for Bucky, but he couldn’t deny how much comfort he took in having Louis that close to him. Often, Bucky stayed up a bit later and just listened to the steady beat of Louis’ heart until it eventually lulled him to sleep. Yet another thing he would never admit to anybody.</p><p> </p><p>Nine days in, and their team felt stronger than ever. Liam and Louis had built up their endurance – not as good as Bucky’s, but he didn’t think any normal human would be able to match it – and they were able to travel further and further each time. They burnt through less energy and needed less sleep. There were still days where Louis would grumble and complain for twenty minutes before he actually got up and ready for the day, but it was definitely better than when they had first started. With their newfound energy, they had started a new tradition. Every night, they would start a fire, swap their rations for the day and tell stories from Before. He had to navigate his stories carefully and had already had a few almost slip-ups, but it had turned into his favourite game.</p><p> </p><p>It was refreshing, being able to talk about himself and his family so candidly. Louis and Liam always listened to his stories with rapt attention, always asking for more and never fighting him if he didn’t want to elaborate. He had learnt a lot about them, too. He learnt that Louis was one of seven siblings, all younger than him, and that he was the first of two boys. He learnt that Louis used to teach primary school kids, and that Liam was a chef. He learnt that they had met in college through a mutual friend and were best friends since. It hit Bucky sometimes, that they lived the life he could have if things had been different for him. Their friendship was easy, natural in a way that Bucky didn’t feel like he would ever be able to have. He knew they had noticed his lapse silences when he reflected on his own relationships, but they never pushed him on the topic. The most important thing they had learnt about Bucky were his boundaries, and he had never had to tell them. They just knew. It felt very significant to Bucky.</p><p> </p><p>“Get your knives, try to avoid shooting if you can,” Bucky instructed, pulling himself out of his own thoughts. He slung his rifle over his shoulders and unsheathed two of his knives. “Stay vigilant, whistle if you need help.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis and Liam nodded in acknowledgment. The trio made their way further into the crowd of cars, checking underneath them and tapping on the windows to see if any undead had been lying dormant. Bucky didn’t think that any of the undead that had been trapped in cars for this long would have survived, but he couldn’t be sure, and they could never be too safe. It was slow going covering ground and clearing the cars as they continued down the highway, just like Bucky warned the other men it would. They hadn’t crossed paths with many of the undead, easily dispatching the ones that had managed to stay alive with no sustenance. They checked the inside and trunk of a few cars for supplies as they went, but they were just slowing themselves down to come up empty handed.</p><p> </p><p>The slow pace and the silence between the men were putting Bucky on edge. The hot midday sun beating down on them wasn’t helping either. Bucky could see Liam and Louis starting to sweat already and could feel his body heating under all his layers, too. All he could hear was the crunching of gravel under their own boots and the trees lining the highway rustling in the wind. It wasn’t a good sign that he hadn’t heard any birds or any other wildlife; he wasn’t lying when he told Liam that that was a good indicator of undead in the area. His palm started to itch the more he thought about it. He couldn’t hear any undead, so why would no wildlife be taking advantage of the relatively clear roads and lack of moving cars?</p><p> </p><p>“Does it seem too quiet to you?” Liam approached Bucky, eyebrows drawn into a frown. Bucky slowly felt the dread sink into his stomach. If he wasn’t the only one noticing the piercing quiet, there had to be a problem afoot. “You can’t hear anything either? Even with your…” Liam trailed off, but Bucky knew what he was getting at.</p><p> </p><p>“All I can hear is us and the trees,” Bucky replied. Louis joined the two men, Bucky’s own worry reflected on his face. “Get your guns out, just in case.” Louis’ face was grim, but he nodded, grabbing two handguns and passing one to Liam.</p><p> </p><p>They increased their pace, the focus shifting to getting off the highway rather than clearing the area. Bucky checked on Louis, whose eyes were flickering along the tree line, rather than at the cars around them. He was holding his gun so tightly he was cutting off his circulation, the tips of his fingers white against the stark black of the gun. He wanted to stop, to calm Louis down and reassure him, but with his own distrust of their current situation, he would probably only end up making things worse.</p><p> </p><p>None of them spoke as they continued on, dispatching a few undead that had been wandering aimlessly. They could have explained the lack of wildlife, but the dread was still sitting at the bottom of Bucky’s stomach and he couldn’t shake it. It felt like they were walking into a trap. He kept his eyes on the tree line as Louis’ focus shifted back to the cars, but he couldn’t make out anything in the shadows. He felt like he was being watched, the tickling feeling on the back of his neck refusing to leave.</p><p> </p><p>They made good time to the next exit of the highway, which would send them down to level ground and allow them to keep heading West through the woods. They had only come across a few undead, but Bucky couldn’t shake the dread and the feeling of being watched. He stopped dead in his tracks and whistled to get the attention of his travelling companions. They turned to look at him and he gestured for them to wait. He could hear heartbeats, but it was hard to say how many or what direction they were coming from. He pulled out his rifle and looked through the scope, sweeping the area as Louis and Liam watched on. There were only a few cars scattered about and a couple of trucks set up in what could have been a blockade.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have a good feeling about those trucks up there,” Bucky pointed further up the highway, no more than a mile ahead of them. As Louis turned to look, Bucky mouthed heartbeats at Liam. His eyes widened in understanding. “You guys keep walking ahead, I’m going to stay behind the cars and get ready to shoot if needed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why not come with us?” Louis asked, his fingertips still ghostly white on his gun.</p><p> </p><p>“If it’s only a small lot of trouble, I’ll be better off shooting from back here. I was a sniper, I’ll be fine,” Bucky reassured him. He put his hand over Louis’, tapping at his fingers. “Loosen your grip, you’re going to give yourself a cramp.” Louis let out a deep breath but obliged, holding his gun looser but still steady. “I don’t know for sure something is astray,” Bucky added, eyes flicking to Liam, “but I don’t have a good feeling.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis almost deflated at the admission. “Okay,” he exhaled sharply, meeting Bucky’s gaze properly for the first time since they woke up in the gazebo. “Just make sure you’re there if we need?”</p><p> </p><p>“Always.” Bucky offered a small smile and Louis smiled in return, readjusting his grip on his gun and squaring his shoulders. Bucky ducked behind the nearest car, watching as Liam and Louis approached the trucks, guns raised. It frustrated Bucky that he couldn’t figure out how many people were near the trucks based on their heartbeats, but as far as he was concerned, even one person was too many.</p><p> </p><p>He followed after Louis and Liam, using the cover of the cars as much as he could. The strangers in the trucks could have already seen him, but he was praying that luck had his back just once. Lady Luck hadn’t been on his side much in the last century, but they still had time to turn their relationship around.</p><p> </p><p>Once Bucky was close enough to the truck that he felt he could get an accurate shot using a standard rifle, he stopped and set the barrel of his rifle on the hood, peering through the scope and watching Liam and Louis approach the truck. The familiar feeling of lying in wait for an enemy behind a scope settled into his body, the entirety of his focus on Louis and Liam as they walked. They both had their guns raised and were approaching slowly, Liam barely limping on his injured leg.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky saw shadows shift around the side of the truck closest to him and redirected the rifle closer to Louis’ side. Three people – two men and a woman – came into view, all holding hand guns and aiming them at Louis. Bucky tried to keep his heartrate and breathing steady, unwilling to let his anger overcome the mission operative. Three more flanked them on Liam’s side, all holding guns, their faces stony. They were not getting out of this situation without killing someone, Bucky knew it straight away. He had seen that look before, had worn it himself more times than he would like to admit.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s the other?” One of the women – a stocky woman with her dirty blonde hair cut to her chin – demanded.</p><p> </p><p>“Other what?” Louis lifted his chin defiantly, hands not wavering where they held his gun. Bucky would have to commend him later for keeping a level head, especially after what happened last time.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t play dumb,” another man spoke up, readjusting his aim to Louis’ chest. Bucky exhaled sharply. “We saw another man with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just us,” Liam spoke, eyes flickering between the members of the group. They were all shorter than Bucky’s small group, but a couple of them looked built, like they could throw a punch as well as they could take one.</p><p> </p><p>The first woman hummed at his response, gesturing at them both with her gun. “Guns on the ground, followed by your bags. If you cooperate, we don’t have to escalate.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not taking our shit,” Louis hissed. He strengthened his stance, feet parallel to his shoulders, just like Bucky had taught him. “If you let us pass, no one has to get hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>The woman laughed and her group echoed her chuckles. It sent a subtle shiver up Bucky’s spine. She was clearly the leader, her group looking to her for direction before they so much as moved a muscle. “We are not getting hurt today, young one. I can’t assure your safety in the same way, unless you hand over your belongings.” Louis looked put off by the nickname, his mouth set into a thin line.</p><p> </p><p>“We need these things,” Liam pleaded, lowering his gun slightly. He would still be able to take a shot at one of the others in the group at that angle, but it wouldn’t be fatal. Bucky cursed under his breath. “We have a long way to travel and this is all we have.”</p><p> </p><p>“You have two mouths to feed,” the woman countered, regarding Liam curiously. “We have many. Do you think we would sacrifice something like that due to the distance you have to travel?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not our fault you have so many people,” Louis snorted. “It’s our stuff, lady. You’re not getting it.”</p><p> </p><p>The woman’s mouth twisted into a sadistic smile, the indifferent expression she held gone in an instant. Danger radiated off her and Bucky repositioned his rifle to aim solely at her. She stepped forward and Bucky squeezed the trigger. The crack of the gunshot drew the attention of the others and Bucky lurched forward to find better cover. He was pulled back by a hand grabbing his hair and he gasped, reaching out blindly until he connected with something. He managed to punch something, but there wasn’t much power in it and his assailant’s grip only tightened in his hair.</p><p> </p><p>He was pulled into a standing position as a man walked forward and snatched his gun. The man spat on his shoes and jabbed him in the gut with his own rifle for good measure. Bucky gritted his teeth and refused to outwardly react to the pain. He relented, waiting for the right moment to fight back. All eyes and guns were on him as he was marched out from his cover and towards the rest of the group. The woman he shot lay bleeding out on the ground, her eyes clouded as she stared at the sky.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll pay for this,” the man behind him hissed in his ear and Bucky laughed. The other man turned and shoved the barrel of Bucky’s own rifle under his chin. Bucky grinned as they locked eyes and fought the urge to lean down and lick the gun. If there was one thing that threw men off in the middle of a fight, it was the unexpected.</p><p> </p><p>“Have some respect.” The rifle was jabbed into his windpipe and Bucky involuntarily wheezed. He met Louis’ eyes over the man’s shoulder. Louis shook his head and Bucky scoffed, but didn’t antagonise the men further. He had to figure out how he was going to get them out of the shit show they were in. Bucky may have been a super soldier, but Louis and Liam were still fragile and wouldn’t be able to survive a shootout the way Bucky would. He had to be careful now he had two other people to worry about.</p><p> </p><p>His fingers were still wrapped around the first man’s wrists and he tugged experimentally. He tightened his grip in Bucky’s hair slightly. They were still a few hundred yards out from the group. If Bucky could knock the man behind him out, he could easily disarm the other man and take his chances from there. Hopefully in the fray, Liam and Louis could escape while the attention was on him. It was clear that the group identified Bucky as the threat now, Louis and Liam granted a lucky blind spot. Improvising might be a dumb idea when others were at risk, but Bucky didn’t have any other choice. He wasn’t going to let these people take their stuff, not when they were on such an important mission.</p><p> </p><p>He let out a low, three-toned whistle and hoped that would be enough warning to the others about what he was planning to do. The man behind him yanked on his hair and pulled him back. “What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothin’,” Bucky dismissed, throwing a wink Louis’ way. The man had stopped them from walking, predictable as Bucky thought. Three steps from their current position and it was go-time. “Just a long walk.”</p><p> </p><p>“Keep going.” He shoved Bucky forward.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky counted under his breath and at their third step, he shoved back to throw the man behind him off balance. Crouching down, Bucky tightened his grip on the man’s wrists and flipped him over. He let out a grunt as his back hit the ground winded. Bucky pulled his head back, feeling his hair tie snap and the man rip some of his hair out of his scalp. He exhaled sharply at the pain. It wasn’t the first time his hair had been pulled out in a fight, and he could guarantee it wouldn’t be the last.</p><p> </p><p>He straightened up and kicked the first man in the neck, moving forward when he heard a snap. The other man was fumbling with both his and Bucky’s guns and Bucky took his chance, snatching his rifle out of the man’s hands. He cracked the butt of the gun across the man’s temple and stalked forward as he crumpled to the ground. The rest of their group was finally catching up to what happened, running towards Bucky with their guns raised. Louis and Liam, thankfully, had taken cover in time.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky raised his rifle and shot without hesitation, the woman closest to him falling as the bullet went through her chest. He could barely hear the commotion around him, the battle high setting in and his senses honing in to what he needed most. Another shot rang out and another of the group fell, the remaining three clearly torn between taking cover and risking it all to take Bucky down. Bucky reloaded as he stalked forward, listening for the heartbeats and frantic breaths of the other group.</p><p> </p><p>The world around him flooded in as he registered Louis screaming his name. Bucky looked for him in confusion, ducking as another shot rang out that was not his. He rolled behind the cover of a car, Louis still yelling for him. The pain hit him suddenly and hard, but his body immediately shut out the sensation until he was ready to feel it. His leg was bleeding, running down the waterproof fabric of his pants. He sighed and ran his hand over the back of his leg. He let out a sigh of relief as he felt an exit wound – he wasn’t looking forward to having to dig a bullet out of his leg that night.</p><p> </p><p>Ignoring the pain, he stood and fired another shot. They ducked behind cover before it could land, and Bucky cursed.</p><p> </p><p>“Open the trucks and run!” One of the women yelled. Bucky peeked around the car, ducking back as a bullet ricocheted off the front bumper. He heard the roller doors to the trucks open and stood quickly, wanting to finish off the group by whatever means possible.</p><p> </p><p>He cursed as the last one ran, the trucks blocking his line of sight. “Louis?” He called, testing his leg. It hurt like a bitch, but it would take his weight. He would have to worry about the bleeding later.</p><p> </p><p>“Jamie!” Louis sounded relieved, coming out from behind cover and approaching Bucky. His face was pinched, hair matted to his forehead with sweat. His face went white as he took Bucky in, landing on the gunshot wound on his leg.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” Bucky reassured him, pushing the pain to the back of his mind so it wouldn’t show on his face. “Are you—” he swore, lifting his rifle and letting a shot off, being met with Louis’ shocked expression. “Undead! Liam, get your ass out here!” He yelled, shooting as many as he could. He was going to run out of ammo, the rest of it stashed inside his pack and out of reach while this many undead were swarming them.</p><p> </p><p>They kept coming, falling out of the truck and climbing all over each other to get at the three men. The sight of them made Bucky sick, fighting the urge to gag as more of them revealed themselves. They were decaying, skin turning black and rotten in spots. Their teeth were yellowed, some of them ground down into stumps. Others had open wounds that had become a home for maggots as they became infected. Some had skin just falling off them, flaps of skin hanging on by a thread. He had never seen the undead so far gone before. If the look was bad, it was nothing compared to the smell. Bucky had smelt dead bodies before – he had fought in a war, for God’s sake – but it was nothing compared to the stench that followed the undead out of those trucks. It made his eyes water and he heard either Louis or Liam retch, refusing to look lest he follow suit.</p><p> </p><p>He fought through the disgust, wanting to get rid of the undead and get away from them as soon as he could. “I’m out!” He announced, slinging his rifle over his shoulder. He pulled out two knives from their sheaths and dove in head first, holding his breath to avoid the smell. He slashed through the undead, their skin and muscle so decayed it was practically viscous. He had no idea how that group had managed to keep these undead going for so long, or how long they had even been in their condition. He had never seen it go this far before.</p><p> </p><p>His arm got yanked back as his knife got stuck in one of the undead’s skull, the body hanging limply off the knife. He dropped it, weighing up his options. There were a dozen or so left, clambering towards him as they realised Louis and Liam were too dangerous of a snack with their guns. He steeled himself, shaking out his shoulders and hands to hype himself up. He was covered in guts and gunk; his leg was still bleeding, and he could feel his body starting to get dehydrated. This day was slowly working its way into his top ten worst.</p><p> </p><p>He could hear Louis and Liam’s gunshots still going strong, thinning out the outer circle of the pack of undead. Bucky let out a feral cry, throwing himself into the middle of the undead and slashing whatever he could. He grabbed one of them by the throat and squeezed until its neck cracked and its head dropped to the ground. He kicked out at them, stomping on their heads with his boots and stabbing at what he could. He was running off pure, animalistic instinct. It was by the far the most stupid thing he had ever done in his life. But it felt good. It felt good to let go and release the weird, pent up energy he had been carrying in himself for the last few days. Hell, maybe even the last few years.</p><p> </p><p>As the last one fell, Bucky could feel himself panting. His heart was hammering in his chest and he couldn’t hear anything other than his own heartbeat. He could feel the fucking goo that made up the undead dripping from his hands, landing on the pavement with soft splats. It made him want to throw up.</p><p> </p><p>“Jamie?” Louis gripped his shoulder softly and Bucky startled. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s just me.” He moved his hand up to grip Bucky’s neck and Bucky sighed, his body deflating as the adrenaline left him slowly.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m okay,” He promised. “I don’t—” he blew his hair out of his face in frustration “—I don’t know what came over me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were trying to keep us safe,” Louis’ thumb was stroking Bucky’s jaw and he leant into the touch. “Just like you promised. You don’t have to worry.”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky nodded and met Louis’ eyes. They held no fear. Relief flooded Bucky. He didn’t know what he would have done if Louis was afraid of him; it was the last thing he ever wanted Louis to feel around him. Louis offered him a soothing smile and Bucky exhaled sharply, closing his eyes as Louis carded his fingers through Bucky’s hair. He could hear more of the goo hitting the ground and he realised Louis was cleaning the undead’s guts out of his hair. His face heated in embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>“We need to find somewhere I can get clean,” Bucky said softly.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re telling me,” Louis snorted. He dropped both of his hands and stepped away from Bucky, trying to subtly wipe his hands on his pants. Bucky rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Liam, can you get the map out of my pack? We need to find one that’s close. If this shit dries, I’m gonna stink.”</p><p> </p><p>“You already do,” Louis scrunched his nose dramatically and Bucky flipped him off.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for your helpful commentary,” Bucky replied drily, and Louis laughed. Bucky’s stomach fluttered like he was twelve and had looked away before he got second-hand embarrassment from himself. Liam unzipped Bucky’s pack and pulled out the map, spreading it across the hood of a nearby car. “Where are we now? Can you see the sign up there?” Bucky asked and Liam pointed to a seemingly random place on the map, between Boston and Younger Creek.</p><p> </p><p>“We already skirted around Boston earlier, so if we continue on, we’ll go smack-bang in the middle of the Rolling Fork river.” Liam dragged his finger along the map, drawing an invisible line for their route. Bucky pressed his mouth into a thin line.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to have to keep an eye out for those people,” he sighed, scuffing his boot on the gravel in frustration. “A couple of them got away. They’re not going to be happy I killed their leader.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll have our guard up,” Louis reassured him and Bucky nodded, gesturing at Liam to fold the map back up. He and Louis’ hands were still covered in undead gunk and he was not about to ruin their only map because of that.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s get a move on then.” Bucky shifted his pack after Liam zipped it up, gripping the straps and gritting his teeth against the pain flaring in his thigh. He should probably stop and wrap it to avoid excessive bleeding, but he wanted to get to the river as quickly as possible and get the guts off him. He tried to shift most of his weight on his left leg as they walked, joining the soft conversation between Liam and Louis when he saw fit.</p><p> </p><p>They weren’t far off the river and Bucky let out a breath of relief when he spotted it through the trees. He hollered at Liam and Louis who had been walking ahead of him, and gestured for them to follow him as he jumped over the barrier on the highway. He landed with a hiss, a fresh gush of blood running down his leg. Even he could admit that was a dumb fucking move.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my God, I forgot you got shot,” Louis gasped as he followed Bucky over the barrier, careful eyes on Bucky’s leg. He couldn’t reach out, guts and blood still caked on his hands where they hovered over Bucky’s leg, but he still eyed it carefully.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, there’s an exit wound,” Bucky brushed him off, standing up slowly with a long exhale. “I can still put most of my weight on it, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“How are you so calm? You have a fucking gunshot wound, you shouldn’t be calm,” Louis admonished him and Bucky scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not my first and it won’t be my last.” He grinned when Liam snickered, Louis’ mouth dropping open in shock. They continued to the river and Louis – predictably – followed Bucky with more questions.</p><p> </p><p>“How have you gotten shot before?”</p><p> </p><p>“I was a soldier,” Bucky reminded him, trying not to sound condescending.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but weren’t you a sniper? I didn’t think snipers would be at high risk,” He helped Bucky shuck his pack off as they got to the shore of the river. Bucky bent to undo his boots and groaned as his thigh stretched and irritated his wound further.</p><p> </p><p>“I did some more up close and personal stuff, too,” Bucky informed him, slipping off his boots and lining them up neatly next to his pack. His socks came off next and Louis grabbed onto his arm to help him balance. “Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re welcome. So you were kind of an all-rounder?” Louis asked, averting his eyes as Bucky unzipped his pants.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess you could say that,” Bucky snorted. “Come wash your hands.” Louis let go of Bucky and dropped his pack, unzipping his jacket and slinging it over his forearm. Liam had resigned himself to laying on the shore of the river, taking in the sun or having a nap, Bucky couldn’t tell. “Go downstream to me, please. I’m gonna wash my leg and don’t want guts in it.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re gross,” Louis screwed his nose in disgust and Bucky laughed. “You didn’t get any in it before?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, all hips up,” Bucky reassured him, lowering himself carefully to the ground. His leg was extended, but his thigh wasn’t in the water yet. He bent forward and scrubbed at his hands in the water, Louis following suit. The water was icy, but more refreshing than bone chilling. It looked like a beautiful place to go for a swim, but he didn’t know how he would explain the excessive scarring on his shoulder to Louis without blowing his cover. Swimming would have to wait a bit longer.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky scrubbed at his hands, arms and jacket until he was satisfied there were no guts remaining, and looked to Louis sheepishly as he realised he would need help for his hair and face if he was to avoid getting bloody water in his wound. “Could you please help with the rest?” Bucky gestured to his face and Louis’ face softened from its previous frown.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.” He offered Bucky an encouraging smile. “Wait here,” he instructed, moving back towards his pack. He dropped his freshly cleaned jacket on the sandy bank and Bucky fought back his snide remark. Why would you bother cleaning a jacket just to put it in the sand? Louis may be pretty but he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Louis returned with the small camping pot they use to cook and Bucky fought his blush at the fact that he just called Louis pretty. Even though he just thought it, he was scared he was going to be caught out.</p><p> </p><p>Louis didn’t notice anything, just directing Bucky to lean his head back as he filled the pot up with water. He covered Bucky’s eyes and poured the water over his hair, swiping at any stubborn bits that wouldn’t move with the water. “I’m just going to do this until the water runs clear,” Louis warned him and Bucky nodded in encouragement. It felt nice to be taken care of like this, couldn’t even remember the last time someone had handled him so gently. He was a supersoldier, he wasn’t considered someone who you had to be gentle with, but it made his chest feel warm and his stomach fluttery at Louis’ gentle touches and soft apologies when the water would go further down Bucky’s face than he had aimed for. He ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair as he let the water run through it, untangling any knots and Bucky couldn’t help the content sigh he let out.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Bucky opened his eyes when Louis was done, his face and neck cold where Louis had cleaned him off.</p><p> </p><p>“Anytime,” Louis shot him a cheeky grin and Bucky returned it, hoping his blush wasn’t visible. He wanted to throw a tantrum. Why was he blushing so often? He couldn’t remember the last time his body had betrayed him so violently. Louis left him to submerge his leg in the water, wiping away any dried blood and washing out the wound as best he could. He gritted his teeth, unwilling to show the pain and concern Louis and Liam. He would heal quickly – a few days at most – and he didn’t want them fawning over him when it was just another bump in the road. The scar would disappear within a couple of weeks and then it would be like nothing ever happened.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky exhaled sharply as he stood, Louis appearing by his side and gripping his arm to help him up. Bucky thanked him and gestured for him to follow as he made his way to a large rock on the shore of the river, dragging his pack with him. “I’m going to need you to stitch the back of my leg,” Bucky warned Louis, whose face paled at the request. “If that’s okay? I can ask Liam.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’ll do it. Just show me how.” He cleared his throat, eyes zeroed in on Bucky’s hands as he isolated the tools he would need to stitch the wound. Bucky went through the process, threading the silk through the eye of the needle and slowly stitching his wound so Louis could get the hang of the motions of the stitch. His hand was resting on Bucky’s shoulder as he leant forward for the best vantage point and Bucky hated how it made his mind fuzzy and his stomach flutter.</p><p> </p><p>“You ready?” Bucky looked up at Louis and held the first aid kit out to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Swap,” He demanded. Bucky stood and Louis took his place on the rock, leaning forward to inspect Bucky’s wound, his eyebrows knit together in concentration. “I apologise in advance if I hurt you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t be worse than actually being shot,” Bucky grinned and Louis snorted.</p><p> </p><p>“Moron,” He muttered and got to work on stitching the wound. Although Bucky couldn’t see what he was doing, everything felt right. Even if it was wrong, it would heal soon enough that it wouldn’t really matter. Not that Louis had to know that. “How are you standing up just… getting your leg stitched back together?”</p><p> </p><p>“I have a very high pain tolerance.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis snorted. “Understatement of the year.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just keep stitching, smartass,” Bucky retorted. He couldn’t fight the smile that had settled on his face. The back and forth they had settled into was refreshing, especially considering Louis’ original hostility towards him. The fear that Louis still felt that way nagged at Bucky from the back of his mind, but he tried to push it back further and ignore it entirely. He understood where Louis was coming from acting the way that he did, and had to admit that he would have been the same in a similar situation. Bucky couldn’t expect Louis to just fully trust him considering he didn’t even know the truth of who Bucky was. Louis was trying hard to trust Bucky unconditionally, and he could see that. It gave him hope that when Bucky finally revealed who he was – if he ever had to, he had no idea what would happen once they got to Union City, but he was trying not to overthink that – that Louis would take it well. He didn’t want Louis to hate him again, couldn’t stand to go back to the harsh words and the coldness between them in the first few days.</p><p> </p><p>“All done.” Louis tapped the side of his thigh lightly and Bucky startled. He didn’t mean to get so wrapped up in his own thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Bucky grabbed his pants and pulled them on, grunting as he leant all of his weight on his injured leg. Louis steadied him and Bucky huffed out another expression of gratitude. The injury was going to set them back on travel time and Bucky was angry at himself for letting it happen. He shouldn’t have allowed it to happen, but he had been caught up in the battle high. He was like a shark in a blood frenzy, he just became focused on the intent; in this case – protect and kill.</p><p> </p><p>“We should stay here for the night,” Liam suggested, moving from his spot on the shore to join Louis and Bucky.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for blessing us with your presence once the hard work was already done,” Louis snarked and Bucky snorted, Liam rolling his eyes at both of them.</p><p> </p><p>“You need time to rest with your leg,” Liam continued as if Louis hadn’t spoken. “I know you’re stronger than me--” Liam widened his eyes as if to communicate to Bucky the hidden meaning as if Bucky was an idiot “—but you should still rest.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s still a fair amount of time until the sun will set,” Bucky argued. “I can last a few more hours.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t just slave away over that leg of yours for you to fuck it up more, Jamie. Liam’s right,” Louis continued after a short silence, as if waiting for a sarcastic remark from Bucky, “you need to rest. It won’t even take that much time off our schedule.”</p><p> </p><p>“You both suck,” Bucky huffed, sitting on the rock and tugging his socks on.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll find a place to set up camp,” Liam offered, throwing Bucky a wink. Bucky wanted to punch him.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky pulled his shoes on, trying to regulate his breathing as he put pressure on his wound each time he bent down. It was a fucked up thought process but Bucky couldn’t help thinking that it probably hurt so much more than usual because he hadn’t been shot in a very long time. It’s weird to think that his body had reached a point where a gunshot wound was a familiar feeling and had barely any effect on him.</p><p> </p><p>His thought process was interrupted by a low grumbling sound. He craned his neck to look into the sky, the sound the same from outside the gas station. Once again, he couldn’t see anything. There had to be something there. His body may have gotten slightly weaker with the limited exercise he had been doing while staying at the cabin, but his senses were better than ever. It wasn’t the same tinny rumbling that belonged to a car, so it had to be a plane. There was no other explanation. So why could he see nothing?</p><p> </p><p>“Can you not get them done up?” Louis asked, trying – and once again failing – to subtly see what Bucky was staring at.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Your shoes,” Louis clarified, pointing at the offending items. “You’re just sitting there with them untied.” He smirked, kneeling down and grabbing the laces of Bucky’s boot. He started tying them – bunny-ear style, Bucky noticed, and couldn’t deny how cute he thought that was. “What’s got you staring into the sky?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just thinking,” Bucky replied, watching Louis’ small but nimble fingers tie his laces. He even tucked them into the boot like Bucky always did. “Zoned out a bit.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been doing that more recently,” Louis pointed out, sitting back on his heels. His eyes held concern as he looked at Bucky and he could feel the guilt swelling up in his chest. Louis probably thought that it was the effect of the disease, slowly taking away Bucky’s inhibitions. He wanted to reassure Louis, tell him the real reason why, but was it worth giving the other men false hope? He couldn’t even be sure that what he was hearing was actually a plane, was an “it couldn’t be anything else” explanation really worth getting their hopes up only to crush them when nothing came out of it? Not to mention the question of how Bucky could hear it when the others couldn’t, and that is the can of worms he had been avoiding with Louis since he first met him. He was not keen to open that can anytime soon.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve had a lot to think about,” Bucky shrugged, trying to come off as nonchalant.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you scared?” Louis shifted so he was sitting on the sand with his legs crossed. Bucky slid down from the rock to sit in front of him, his injured leg stretched out, his other crossed. Their knees were touching and Bucky decided that his body’s reactions to the most mundane of things was getting pathetic. He was almost a century old, he shouldn’t be getting butterflies because his knee is touching another man’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Of what?”</p><p> </p><p>“You know what I mean,” Louis sighed. Bucky did know what he meant. He was slightly disappointed that Louis wouldn’t just say it, even if it wasn’t true. The guilt simmered under the surface again. It got stronger every time and Bucky despised the fact that he was still lying to Louis.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” he finally responded, hands moving to play with the material of Louis’ pants to help calm himself and steady his thoughts. “I was raised religious and don’t know if I believe in God, so I won’t say it was His plan,” Bucky sighed, looking from his fingers to Louis’ face. Louis looked sad, his mouth turned down and his blue eyes shining. “But I do think we’re all set a certain path to death. When it’s our time, we have to accept that. I’ve been close before, but I didn’t accept it then. Maybe things would have been different for me if I did.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis was silent for an uncomfortably long amount of time. “I’m so sorry,” Louis finally spoke, his voice cracking on the apology.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck for?” Bucky couldn’t help the knee-jerk response. It was the last thing he was expecting Louis to say. Louis wouldn’t look at him and Bucky tugged on his pants, trying to get the other man to meet his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I am such an asshole,” Louis groaned, burying his face in his hands. “You got bit because of me and I treated you so, so poorly because I was too caught up in my own selfishness to even realise that I had given you a fucking death sentence. All because I stabbed Liam in the fucking thigh and you saved us. That wasn’t worth your life – I wasn’t worth your life.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Bucky tugged at Louis’ arms, his hands falling away from his face. His eyes were full of tears and Bucky’s heart broke just looking at him. “Louis, listen--”</p><p> </p><p>“I got firewood!” Liam announced and Louis flinched back from Bucky, hastily wiping at his eyes although no tears fell. “I thought we should just stay here tonight, we’re far away enough from the road that it should be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Louis agreed, scrambling to get up and away from Bucky. “Let me help you, we should get the fire started now. Sun’s starting to set.” He grabbed some of the firewood from the top of Liam’s pile and followed Liam to their designated camping spot for the night.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky looked up and realised that Louis was right – the sun had started to set. He hadn’t realised, too caught up with his leg and conversations with Louis. Usually by now, he’d have dug a makeshift firepit and set up camp for the night. He was getting distracted too easily, but he truly could not bring himself to care. If this was any time before – before meeting Louis and Liam, before moving to the cabin, before the apocalypse, you name it – he probably would have beat himself up about it, pushed himself even harder to make up for not reaching the non-spoken target he had set for himself; but now, the only thing he deemed important was ridding Louis of the toxic idea that he had somehow killed Bucky. It was very obviously something that had been sitting with him for a while but hadn’t found the right way to bring it up.</p><p> </p><p>Louis said that he was an asshole, but Bucky knew it was really him that was the asshole. He knew that he could shut down the idea that had been stewing in Louis' mind, and he could do it so easily. All he had to do was tell Louis who he truly was, but he was the spider that had gotten tangled in its own web; he was in too deep now, and the fear of being honest was far stronger than the guilt of lying. The fear of losing what he had built with Louis was so strong Bucky felt like he was suffocating in it sometimes. Louis thought he was being selfish, but Bucky was being selfish on a level that would make Lucifer himself cry. The only thing holding him back was that fear that was born out of his selfishness, and although he was self-aware enough to accept it, he was not that good of a man to do anything about it.</p><p> </p><p>He knew it would have to come to light eventually, depending how long it took them to get to Tennessee, or even depending on what happens after. Bucky couldn’t help but think about Louis’ offer, to vouch for him, so that Bucky can stay. It was obvious Louis was only saying that at the time so Bucky would go with them, but the more their relationship grew, the more Bucky became convinced that Louis would actually do it. He would have to tell him before then. He knew that he couldn’t keep the lie going for that long, could not ask Louis to bring someone he presumed to be infected into a safe zone. Even as he acknowledges those facts, his brain refuses to be rational and think about how he’s going to tell Louis. He was just too fucking scared, and wasn’t that ironic? He had been a lot of things in his life, a lot of them unpleasant, but he never considered the fact that one day he would be a fucking coward. When he met his end, that was truly going to be the sin that took him down.</p><p> </p><p>He sighed as Louis’ loud laughter pulled him out of his thoughts, Liam shushing him, but sporting a grin of his own. They had already started the fire, sharing their rations as they kept themselves warm. It was already past dusk, the sky dark and littered with stars. Bucky compartmentalised his thoughts, pushing them to the back of his mind to be reconsidered later. He pinned on a smile as he joined them by the fire, Liam handing him a muesli bar and Louis offering him an embarrassed smile of his own. He seemed to have calmed down and Bucky was grateful – the guilt probably would’ve eaten him alive if Louis stayed sad and quiet the rest of the night.</p><p> </p><p>“I think,” Louis started once he had finished his rations, clapping his hands together. Even from across the fire, Bucky could see his eyes sparkling with mischief. “I think we should play my favourite game!”</p><p> </p><p>“And what would that be?” Liam asked drily and rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Jamie telling us things about himself,” Louis grinned. He wiggled his eyebrows and gestured towards Bucky. “We know you were in the Army, but you haven’t told us what else you’ve done with your life.”</p><p> </p><p>“Louis-” Liam started with a warning, but Bucky cut him off.</p><p> </p><p>“Being in the Army was most of what I did,” Bucky shifted, taking a bite of his muesli bar and thinking through what he could tell them that wouldn’t expose himself. “I worked in a factory, mostly, before that.”</p><p> </p><p>“How old were you when you joined?” Louis asked, his dinner forgotten about and his attention solely on Bucky.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky counted the years in his head before he answered. “Twenty-six.”</p><p> </p><p>“How about now?” Louis asked and Bucky met Liam’s panicked eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Give me a sec for that one,” Bucky laughed, trying to do the mental math. His actual physical age was something that always confused him, not knowing exactly how long he was out of cyro each time. “I think… like 32?”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. Not too bad.”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky scoffed. “Oh yeah? How old are you, hot-shot?”</p><p> </p><p>“Twenty-nine,” Louis said smugly, like it was something to be proud of.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m twenty-eight if anyone cares,” Liam added and Bucky grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you do after the Army then?” Louis ignored Liam, his focus still on Bucky. “I’m assuming you weren’t still a soldier when this all went down…” He trailed off, but Bucky understood what he was getting at. He chose his next words carefully.</p><p> </p><p>“I worked with a government agency,” He stretched his legs out and leant back onto his hands. “Special co-op stuff, science shit, whatever they needed me for.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s pretty cool,” Louis said on an exhale and Bucky snorted.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess it depends on who you’re asking.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m asking and I think it’s cool,” Louis lifted his chin defiantly. Bucky just shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you work on any of the zombie stuff?” It was Liam who asked, and Bucky pursed his lips. He knew, technically, it was classified information and he shouldn’t be sharing it, but who was there to enforce those rules? They had left Bucky to himself with no strict instructions on what he could and could not disclose, and also – fuck ‘em.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Bucky sat up straight and noticed the other two men do the same. “When the virus first started popping up and it became serious enough, my team’s resources were needed. We kept a few willing people under surveillance to track the progress of the virus and what it did to those infected, but by the time we realised it reached the ‘cannibalism’ phase, it had been a few weeks,” he sighed. “I’m sure you remember the quarantine that was put into place. It didn’t do much to help once it got to the cannibal phase, because by then it just became a primal need for people infected. We tried to get news out to the different states and warn people of the severity, but the government didn’t want to start mass panic.”</p><p> </p><p>“But they eventually ended up telling people?”</p><p> </p><p>“That was not them, actually. We started to do the research independently. The lead scientists decided that people needed to know and they’re the ones who told the press,” Bucky explained. He subconsciously rubbed at his metal arm with his thumb, staring into the fire and avoiding the eyes of Liam and Louis. “They started the safe zones independently, too. Once the situation got bad enough, the government finally backed them up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that why you knew where the safe zones were and had that map?” Louis asked and Bucky nodded, still refusing to meet his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“They were trying to find a vaccine and a cure for the infected, but it wasn’t going their way. They had a few subjects--” Bucky cringed at the term “--who reached the cannibal phase and were doing tests on them, too, but-” he exhaled sharply “- a lot of them died too quickly. They don’t just die by getting their brain,” He explained before either of them could ask. “Every undead is different, some die way sooner than others. It all depends on fitness, amount of food consumed, the environmental factors of where they are. We thought, originally, that if we waited long enough, the ones that had reached that phase would die on their own soon enough.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t that work?” Louis’ voice was soft as he asked.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know if you’ve ever lived through a pandemic before,” Bucky answered wryly, “but it’s not that easy. Like I said, when the undead reach the cannibal phase, nothing can really stop them. The ones that are ‘new’, for lack of a better word, they still have some thoughts that border on regular thought processes. They could get out of their homes and go find themselves a meal. Their brains still slowly die, so that doesn’t last long at all, but enough people held onto themselves enough that they made our job really fucking hard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, shit,” Liam exhaled and Bucky snorted an ironic laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. It was a bastard of a disease, so many nuances to it. They had no idea where it originated from and although we found out a lot about it, the information was too fragmented to make much of a difference.”</p><p> </p><p>“What was the coolest thing about it?” Louis asked after the silence had gone on for too long.</p><p> </p><p>“Louis, what the fuck is cool about it?” Liam snarked, smacking Louis across the head. Louis kicked him in the ankle.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking! We’re living it, Liam, may as well try to find something cool about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not contagious up until a certain point,” Bucky finally met Louis’ eyes. “They tested saliva and blood from a lot of infected people, and although they were infected the contagion factor stayed dormant until the cannibal phase kicked in.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sick,” Louis grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“Literally,” Bucky nodded seriously and Louis laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“But how does that even work?” Liam asked, brows drawn into a frown.</p><p> </p><p>“Couldn’t tell you. I wasn’t the science kid, I was just the muscle.” Bucky shrugged. “The only reason I was with the team was because my—I knew someone on it. He wanted me to join.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your Captain?” Louis asked softly and Bucky offered him a sad smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, if someone was infected but hadn’t reached the cannibal stage, and they like spat on you or whatever, you wouldn’t get it?” Liam asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, only once they’ve reached that stage. They tried a few formulas for a cure, but it just prolonged the stages before the cannibal phase.” Bucky explained.</p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t you stay with them?” Louis was asking a seemingly innocent question, but he may as well have ripped right through Bucky’s chest and pulled out his heart.</p><p> </p><p>“They decided it would be best if I was sent somewhere safe.” He tried to keep the venom out of his voice, but failed miserably. Louis’ mouth was set into a hard line and he looked ready to fight someone he would never be able to find.</p><p> </p><p>“Even your Captain?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Bucky deflated, looking back at the fire.</p><p> </p><p>“What a fucking dick.” Louis spat. Bucky hugged his knees and snorted. “How was it safer to send you out alone? What could he have done there that you couldn’t?”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t have a good image,” Bucky admitted and dug his fingers into his shins to try to keep himself grounded. “People wouldn’t have felt as safe if they knew I was on the team of people designated to saving them and ending this.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a load of shit.” Bucky could hear the shock in Liam’s voice, and was surprised to see his hands clenched into fists. “They shouldn’t have done that to you, James. It’s not fucking fair.” The words felt heavy coming from Liam, considering he knew who Bucky really was – he had probably connected the dots that his Captain was Steve, maybe even that the team of scientists consisted of Bruce and Tony.</p><p> </p><p>“They thought that was best for--”</p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t something they needed to know,” Louis interrupted. “They’re all assholes for abandoning you, I don’t care why they did it or where they sent you. Did they--” he let out a deep breath, as if he was steeling himself for his own question, “did they even have a way to know you were okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I had a radio. It stopped working more than a year ago,” Bucky admitted quietly. His throat had gotten tight, and the back of his eyes stung. He didn’t want to cry in front of Louis and Liam, didn’t want to show them any more weakness than they had already seen.</p><p> </p><p>“And they didn’t check on you?” Liam asked. Bucky shook his head. “Had you talked to anyone since it cut out? Before… before us?” Bucky shook his head and felt a sob rise in his chest. It felt different, having someone else say that what Bucky’s team had done to him was fucked up. It made it feel real. It made him feel like he wasn’t just making it up, or just feeling sorry for himself. The way he felt was being validated for the first time, not just left for him to deliberate; to think about the half-assed explanations he was given, the way they had spun shit into gold, telling him that it was also for his own good, to keep him safe. For the first time, Bucky was being assured that he deserved better, and it made him want to scream, cry and possibly kill something. He could feel his hands shake against his legs and couldn’t help the hot tears that finally fell from his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Jamie,” Louis sighed and Bucky cried harder. Louis rounded the fire and dropped to his knees besides Bucky. He seemed unsure at first, hands hovering over Bucky’s shoulders, but eventually dropped any concerns and pulled Bucky to his chest. Bucky took the invitation, releasing his knees and winding his arms around Louis’ waist. Louis shushed him and stroked his hair, but didn’t stop him from crying. He sat next to Bucky and combed his fingers through Bucky’s knotty hair, untangling it with one hand and stroking small circles on Bucky’s shoulders with the other. He stayed there until Bucky’s sobs turned into small hiccups, his breathing stuttering slightly but mostly normal, his nose stuffy and his head throbbing with the force of a long overdue cry. Bucky felt a soft pressure on his forehead and both of Louis’ arms come around him properly, squeezing him tightly. “Feel better?” His voice was soft, barely above a whisper and Bucky felt goosebumps rise on his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” Bucky sniffled and went to pull out of the embrace, but Louis squeezed him tighter.</p><p> </p><p>“You have no reason to apologise,” he told him forcefully. “You haven’t had anyone to talk about it with, but we’re here now. I’m here now.” Louis moved his hands to cup Bucky’s face, his thumbs stroking Bucky’s cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m really grateful for that.” Bucky laid his hands over Louis’, pulling them down and entwining their fingers. Louis met his eyes, unbearably soft in the light from the fire, but so full of emotion that it made Bucky’s heart want to burst. “I’m glad I found you when I did,” Bucky admitted and Louis’ eyes crinkled as he smiled. </p><p> </p><p>“So am I, Jamie,” Louis let go of Bucky’s hands and ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair, pushing the strands out of his face. “You should sleep. I’ll take first watch.” Louis stood and held out an expectant hand towards Bucky. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure? I can stay—”</p><p> </p><p>“You need the sleep, Jamie. I’ll wake Liam up in a few hours,” he shook his outstretched hand impatiently. “Come on.”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky took his hand and stood up, shuffling to keep his balance so he wouldn’t bowl Louis over. Louis was still holding onto his hand and looking up at him like he was someone important, someone worthy. It had been a long, long time since someone had looked at him like that. He dropped Louis’ hand and pulled him into another hug, resting his chin on top of Louis’ head. “Thank you, Louis.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anytime,” Louis’ thumb ran along Bucky’s spine and he shivered at the touch. “Go to sleep, Liam’s set up camp closer to the trees.”</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight, Louis.”</p><p> </p><p>“‘Night, Jamie,” Louis offered him a smile and a salute and Bucky couldn’t help but do the same back. </p><p> </p><p>He settled into the area Liam had set aside for them to sleep and used his pack as a pillow, closing his eyes and willing himself to sleep. After about fifteen minutes, he heard footsteps approach and stop right in front of him. He tensed slightly, but relaxed when he felt a soft hand push his hair back and the same light pressure on his forehead as earlier. His heart raced as he realised that Louis had kissed him, such a tender, loving gesture that it made him want to cry all over again. He clearly thought Bucky was asleep, but still went out of his way to do it. Bucky tried to fight a smile, not wanting Louis to realise he was still awake and freak out on him like he had done earlier in the week. </p><p> </p><p>For the first night since they had left the cabin, Bucky slept the whole night through. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-       -    -           -           -</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Groaning in frustration, Bucky blew his hair out of his face for what felt like the millionth time that day. It wasn’t an overly windy day but without a tie to keep his hair out of his eyes, he felt like he was stuck in the middle of a hurricane. Unless he wanted to resort to ripping pieces of his clothing to use as a makeshift hair tie, he was going to have to grit his teeth and deal with it. It was not the first time his hair has been a problem for him and – as he liked to say – it probably wouldn’t be the last.</p><p> </p><p>He pushed his hair behind his ears and hoped for the best as they kept walking. They had gotten a late start – much to Bucky’s dismay – since Louis and Liam both agreed to let Bucky sleep in. He didn’t deny that he needed the extra sleep, that it would help his body heal faster too, but he was still annoyed that they had lost valuable hours of daylight just for him. By his estimate, they were still a couple of hours off sunset. Their pace had been slower than the days before, but Bucky was pushing his body to ensure he didn’t slow them down too much. Louis had been so accommodating to Bucky and his injury and he knew that he was projecting his own fears about setting the schedule back, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty every time they had to slow their pace because Bucky stumbled or had to take a rest when his leg felt like it was on fire.</p><p> </p><p>Liam and Louis were walking in front of Bucky, leaving him to sulk as he pleased. His emotions had been running high, especially after the conversation by the fire and Louis kissing his forehead when he thought Bucky was asleep. A plethora of emotions were demanding his attention, but if he didn’t push them down, all they did was confuse him. He didn’t expect to feel anything for Louis, especially not after their rocky start, but he couldn’t deny that things had changed. His heart raced and his stomach flipped every time they interacted. He couldn’t help but gravitate towards Louis, couldn’t help the feeling of satisfaction that washed over him every time Louis smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“You doing alright back here?” Louis dropped back to walk next to Bucky, Liam scouting ahead for the safest path to take. That was usually Bucky’s job, but they all agreed to pass it along to Liam after Bucky almost fell down a steep incline.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, just--” Bucky grunted, picking up a strand of his hair “—suffering.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where’d the tie go?”</p><p> </p><p>“Guy yanked it out on the highway,” Bucky frowned. “I never used to have a problem doing shit with my hair out like this. But I guess it’s been a while,” he added softly, pushing his hair back yet again.</p><p> </p><p>“I could cut it for you,” Louis offered, bumping Bucky’s shoulder with his own. Bucky stopped in his tracks and Louis looked at him in surprise. “I mean—I’m not bad with it. I did Liam’s. Sorry if that’s a boundary I shouldn’t have pushed, I just know how annoying it can be when it’s long.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not--” Bucky heaved a deep sigh. “That’s not it, you don’t have to apologise. It’s just been a… a very long time since I’ve cut my hair.” He hadn’t cut his hair since he joined the Army. Seventy-odd years had gone by with his hair just being there. Hydra never cut it, wanted it to be long so the Winter Soldier was more flexible with possible disguises; the first time someone from SHIELD tried to touch Bucky’s hair, he lashed out and had to be restrained. No one had bothered to try since then, too scared of how Bucky would react. He had just carried around the reminder of everything that happened to him, who he was made to become, for years. Every time he looked at his reflection, he was reminded. He probably held on to that at first, not allowing himself to forget what he did as the Winter Soldier, because he didn’t deserve to forget. Then, it just became a part of him. He never bothered to change it, because why would he?</p><p> </p><p>“I really don’t have to--”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I think… I think I’d like that,” Bucky interrupted. It was worth it for the way Louis beamed, reaching up to re-tuck Bucky’s hair behind his ear. His hand lingered, thumb caressing Bucky’s jaw. Bucky felt a smile of his own spread across his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I can do it once we’ve settled in for the night? Before the sun sets,” Louis proposed and Bucky nodded, almost in a trance. Louis could ask him for anything in the world and Bucky would probably agree without a second thought.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Thank you, Louis.” Bucky pressed his hand to where Louis’ was resting on his jaw. Louis’ mouth twitched as he fought off another smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, Jamie.” Louis withdrew his hand. “I’m going to make sure Liam hasn’t fallen into a hole somewhere. Wait here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Bucky all but whispered but Louis was already skipping off after Liam.</p><p> </p><p>His thoughts raced as he waited for Louis to find Liam, absentmindedly tugging at the strands of hair Louis had tucked behind his ear. Having Louis comfort him, hold him while he cried and assured him everything would be okay; opening up to Bucky and letting Bucky do the same; letting Louis cut his hair – he had been vulnerable with Louis in a way he had never allowed himself to be vulnerable with anyone else before. Not even Steve. It shocked him how easily he was ready to let Louis do something that he refused to let anyone else do. If someone from SHIELD even tried to broach the topic, Bucky shut down immediately. He couldn’t figure out what it was about Louis that made him just want to do more, to be more.</p><p> </p><p>“I found a place for us to set up camp,” Liam said as he approached, slightly out of breath. “It’s not too far from here, and I don’t want to risk trying to go further and getting stuck during the night,” he added before Bucky could argue.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. Where’s Louis?” He asked as he started to follow Liam, watching his steps carefully. If he injured himself any further, he might just have to give up on life altogether.</p><p> </p><p>Liam snorted at the question. “Lasted all of five seconds.” He shook his head and tutted mockingly. “He’s at the camp, getting stuff set up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Liam smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re looking at me weirdly,” Bucky grumbled, shifting uncomfortably. Liam’s eyes had a sheen to them he didn’t trust.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve gotten attached fairly quickly.” Liam shrugged. “I’ve seen Louis interested in people before, but there’s just something about the way you two are around each other that’s strange to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“How so?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve just never seen him react to someone like how he reacts to you,” Liam explained. He stopped Bucky suddenly, resting a hand on his arm but not restraining him. “You know what I want to say, don’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky sighed forlornly. “Yeah, I know. I’ve been thinking about it lately.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good. If you want to stick around with him, he has to know.” Liam’s face was grim and Bucky was sure he was wearing the same expression. “I just don’t want him to get hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to be the one to hurt him,” Bucky admitted, scuffing at the ground with the toe of his boot, avoiding Liam’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Then don’t. It’s that simple.” Liam clapped him on the shoulder. “Camp’s over that way, Louis’ there. I’m gonna get firewood.”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky nodded in acknowledgement and started towards the direction Liam pointed out. He knew Liam was right, had thought about it endlessly himself, but hearing the words so clearly put out in front of him made him feel unbelievably shameful. He knew it was wrong to keep hiding it, but things with Louis felt precarious enough with their budding friendship and Bucky wasn’t ready to lose it just yet.</p><p> </p><p>“Jamie!” Louis called out and Bucky tried to steady his expression before Louis could see it. A real smile spread across his face as he saw Louis sitting with his legs crossed on top of an overgrown tree root. He waved for Bucky to come closer, flinging around a pair of scissors as he did so.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re gonna poke your eye out,” Bucky scolded, rolling his eyes at Louis’ nonchalant shrug.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Liam?”</p><p> </p><p>“Gathering firewood,” Bucky answered, dropping his pack next to the tree.</p><p> </p><p>“Good lad. Sit down,” Louis tugged at Bucky’s hand and his stomach leapt up into his chest. He was wriggling in place, clearly giddy to be able to cut Bucky’s hair.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel bad Liam keeps having to do it,” Bucky muttered as he followed Louis’ instruction and sat in front of the tree. The ground was cold and slightly wet, but Louis was smiling at him with shining eyes, and he couldn’t find it in him to care about the discomfort.</p><p> </p><p>“He’ll be fine, he used to want to be a woodsy guy. He’s getting his fill now,” Louis snorted and Bucky shook his head with a smile. “Okay sit back and relax, I swear this is going to be great.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you say so,” Bucky let out a deep breath. His palm was sweating slightly and his pulse was racing. He didn’t expect to be so nervous and, admittedly, sad to cut his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Trust me. I cut Liam’s hair and he looks great. Count yourself lucky Liam isn’t the one doing this, he sucks. Just look at my hair.” He could hear the laugh in Louis’ voice and tried to relax, resting his hands in his lap. He could feel Louis pick up a big chunk of his hair and hum as he considered it.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you sound nervous?” Bucky asked, shifting uncomfortably.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t!” Louis scoffed. “I’m trying to make this the best haircut you’ve ever had, that takes a lot of thinking.”</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly I haven’t had that many great haircuts in my life, the comparison will probably work in your favour,” Bucky exhaled slowly, allowing himself to truly relax, resting his back on the tree root.</p><p> </p><p>“Find that hard to believe, pretty face like that? Surely you had the hair to match.” Bucky could hear the snip of the scissors and felt the first lot of hair fall into his lap.</p><p> </p><p>“You sayin’ my hair now doesn’t match my pretty face?” Bucky’s lip quirked in amusement, Louis whacking his shoulder in reprimand. Another chunk of hair fell and Bucky kept his breathing steady.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not saying anything,” Louis retorted, tugging at Bucky’s hair as he cut it. “Other than you could probably do with a shave.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” Bucky laughed. “I’ve been told the stubble is a great look on me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop moving!” Louis nudged him with his boot and Bucky stopped shifting.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m taking your silence on the matter as confirmation that stubble is a great look on me,” Bucky informed him. Louis huffed, but didn’t deny it. Bucky’s stomach fluttered.</p><p> </p><p>They kept up the back and forth, Louis clearly trying to distract Bucky as he cut his hair. If they were silent for too long, Bucky started to fidget and Louis started another conversation, whether Bucky knew what he was talking about or not. “All done!” Louis announced and Bucky started fidgeting again. He was nervous, wanted to know what it looked like, but he hadn’t considered impromptu haircuts while packing the essentials. “Wait there, I’ll even out the front.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis crouched down in front of Bucky, stretching out different strands of hair with intent focus. “Do you know what you’re doing?” He grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“Not really, but my hairdresser used to do this, so I thought it was worth a shot,” Louis laughs, hands falling from Bucky’s hair to his shoulders. Bucky brought his right hand up to Louis’ face and cupped his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Bucky whispered. He smoothed his thumb along Louis’ cheekbone. Louis’ eyes fluttered and he exhaled softly. “I really can’t explain how much that meant to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to,” Louis whispered back, his fingers digging into Bucky’s collarbones as he tightened his grip on his shoulders. Bucky dropped his hand to Louis’ neck, rubbing his thumb along his jaw instead. Louis’ eyes were boring into his and Bucky felt like time was slowing down around them. It felt like there was electricity crackling in the air around them. Bucky bit his lip, Louis’ eyes following the movement. His breath caught in his throat and Bucky felt like he was going to explode. He shifted closer to Louis, tightening his grip on his jaw.</p><p> </p><p>“God, please stop fraternising. I already feel like enough of a third wheel.” Liam’s voice cut through the haze Louis and Bucky had found themselves in. Bucky flinched and dropped his hand from Louis’ neck. They weren’t doing anything wrong, but Bucky felt like he had been caught breaking an unspoken rule.</p><p> </p><p>“Getting a haircut is fraternising is it now, Liam?” Louis winked at Bucky, smoothing down his hair and standing up. He held out a hand to help Bucky stand and Bucky grabbed it gratefully. His legs felt weak, and it had nothing to do with his wound.</p><p> </p><p>“Funny looking haircut,” Liam grumbled, raising an unimpressed brow at the pair.</p><p> </p><p>“I take personal offence to that,” Bucky retorted. Liam snorted.</p><p> </p><p>“Grab your shit. While you two were definitely not fraternising, I built us a fire and started on dinner. Feels like a good day for some hot soup, don’t you think!” His voice was overly cheery, and it was getting a rise out of Louis, who whacked him in the stomach as he walked past. “It looks good, Bucky.” Liam complimented when Louis was out of ear shot.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks. ‘S kinda a big deal for me,” he admitted, running his fingers through what was left of his hair. It didn’t feel too uneven – although it was hard to tell without a mirror – and he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Louis had made it easy to ignore all the bad feelings that were swimming around in his brain, trying to convince him to stop the process, and now he felt better for it.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m proud of you,” Liam knocked Bucky’s shoulder with a closed fist.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks,” Bucky grinned and followed Liam into the camp, where Louis had already settled by the fire. Bucky took a seat next to him, relishing in the heat coming off the flames. It was getting cold as the sun set, a slight breeze sending the chill straight into their bones. Louis huddled in close, taking advantage of Bucky’s body heat.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky was distracted throughout dinner, barely adding to the conversation as his thoughts raced. Louis and Liam seemed happy to talk, leaving the conversation open so Bucky could join if he wanted to. When Liam started yawning as Louis was shooting off hypothetical situations like his life depended on it, Bucky decided to save him.</p><p> </p><p>“You guys can sleep, I’ll keep first watch tonight,” He offered. Louis raised a suspicious brow, but Liam seemed grateful. “It’s the least I can do for making Liam gather all the firewood.” He winked and Liam laughed, wishing them a good night and settling into his sleeping bag. He and Louis sat in silence until Bucky could hear Liam’s breathing deepen.</p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to talk to you.” Louis startled as Bucky broke the silence. “It’s been eating me up not being able to.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re always open to tell me anything, Jamie,” Louis offered an encouraging smile and Bucky’s stomach swooped.</p><p> </p><p>“The other day, when you said you gave me a death sentence,” Bucky trailed off, trying to gather his thoughts. “Liam interrupted before I could tell you, but--” Bucky exhaled quickly, willing himself to not lose his nerve “—you didn’t give me a death sentence, Louis. I would do everything all over again, kill as many people as I had to, get shot a million more times—everything. If it meant you were safe and could get to your family, I would do anything. You think you’ve given me a death sentence, but in every moment I spend with you, I’ve never felt more alive.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis regarded Bucky closely, his eyes flicking over Bucky’s face. Bucky shifted uncomfortably where he sat, Louis’ silence putting him on edge. He didn’t want to be too intense, didn’t want to take it too far and fuck it up. With the slack-jawed expression on Louis’ face, he knew he definitely crossed that line.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Louis, I’ll go--”</p><p> </p><p>“God, shut up.” Louis grabbed Bucky’s face, eyes determined. Bucky realised what was happening a split second too late, their teeth clashing slightly. Bucky ran a hand over Louis’ chest, fitting his thumb in the hollow of his throat. He moved the other to cradle Louis’ face, deepening and taking control of the kiss. Louis made a soft nose in the back of his throat and Bucky tightened his fingers in his hair. “Fuck,” Louis muttered, chest heaving as he panted.</p><p> </p><p>Louis moved into a kneeling position, winding his arms around Bucky’s neck. Bucky lifted his head, meeting Louis’ lips with a hunger so desperate he almost scared himself. He settled his left hand on the small of Louis’ back, almost growling at the dip there, his right hand tangling itself back in Louis’ hair. Louis’ knees buckled and he settled into Bucky’s lap, Bucky too weak to hold back a groan.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh God, sorry,” Louis gasped, shifting his weight from Bucky’s lap. “Did I hurt you?”</p><p> </p><p>“What—no, that wasn’t--” Bucky objected, but Louis crawled off him and settled into the grass away from Bucky.</p><p> </p><p>“We should probably stop anyway, Liam is right there.” Louis pointed out and Bucky almost expected a snarky remark to come from Liam’s direction, but he was well and truly asleep. He didn’t push any further, just watched Louis with a small smile. He wouldn’t have expected Louis to ever want to kiss him, not with how they had treated each other originally. He had grown so fond of Louis, anyone with eyes could see it, but he didn’t realise how much Louis had grown fond of him, too.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Bucky agreed, watching Louis as he leant back on his hands and titled his head towards the sky.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop watching me, weirdo,” Louis grinned and Bucky let out a soft laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re just so beautiful,” Bucky sighed. Louis titled his head to look at Bucky, lips twitching as he fought a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re just a sweet-talker.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I am, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.” Bucky shrugged and Louis shook his head, his hair falling and hiding his face. “You should get some sleep, I can take first watch. You’ve been looking after me all day,” Bucky added softly when Louis looked like he was about to object. “Sleep, please.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, but only because you’re asking nicely.” Louis stood and wiped the dirt off his hands. Bucky snorted, turning to look at the fire. “Goodnight, Jamie.” Louis pressed a tender kiss to Bucky’s cheek and he could feel his face heat up.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight, Louis.”</p><p> </p><p>He was so screwed.</p><p> </p><p>[          ]</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next night, Bucky was on edge.</p><p> </p><p>He had felt fine when he woke up, his heart fluttering when he remembered the night before, revelling in Louis’ soft smile and touches as they packed up their camp. Even Liam throwing an exaggerated wink Bucky’s way didn’t deter him – he was on cloud nine. When they got on the road, that was a whole different story.</p><p> </p><p>Louis had been in one of his chatty moods, ranting about one thing or another as they walked. Bucky and Liam both humoured him, joining in and answering the seemingly endless supply of questions he had for them. It wasn’t until a few hours into the day that his stomach had started to feel heavy and the back of his neck started to itch. Something felt inherently off. He didn’t feel like they were in any immediate danger, but couldn’t place where his body was getting it from.</p><p> </p><p>The day had passed relatively quietly, the group only having to take out a few of the undead and Bucky’s leg barely giving him any grief. There was no reason for Bucky to still feel on edge, but his body was simmering with energy ready to be released at a moment’s notice. Both of the other men had noticed that he was acting strangely, had even questioned him about it. Bucky had been honest and told them, not feeling the need to hide it from his companions. They had been travelling together for long enough now that they trusted Bucky’s intuition, trusted Bucky enough to let them know if there was something wrong.</p><p> </p><p>They had set up their camp so everything could be packed up at a moment’s notice. They had set up small alarms on the outskirts of their camps – aluminium cans tied in a bundle, strung up from tree to tree – to alert them to anybody coming towards them during the night. It was a safety measure they should have been taking from the start, Bucky realised, Louis and Liam agreeing when he recommended they start using the tactic every night. They were all slightly wary as they ate, but relaxed a lot more when Bucky tried to lighten the mood and crack a joke. With Bucky acting calm, Louis and Liam soon followed suit. As much as he pretended, the prickly feeling was still at the base of his neck and he knew he wasn’t getting any sleep tonight.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to head to bed early tonight,” Liam announced after they finished their measly dinner, packing his stuff away in his pack. “I’ll take second watch.” He offered and Bucky nodded, packing up his own things and waving Liam off.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you regret kissing me?” Louis asked once Liam was out of earshot. The question came out in a rush, Louis clearly having held it in for a while.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course not.” Bucky couldn’t keep the surprise from his voice. “What would make you think that?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” Louis sighed. “I just thought it when you were acting strange and I guess I just—it’s weird, you know? You hated me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, come here,” Bucky opened his arms and Louis moved next to Bucky, settling into his side and resting his head on Bucky’s chest. Bucky started to run his fingers through Louis’ hair, massaging his scalp. Louis relaxed into him, letting out a content sigh. “I didn’t hate you, I was angry that you didn’t trust me. I hadn’t really talked to anyone during this whole thing, I didn’t realise where the distrust was coming from. But I do now, and I don’t hate you because of it.” Bucky pressed a long kiss to the crown of Louis’ head.</p><p> </p><p>“Not feeling the urge to eat me are you?” Louis asked, a joking lilt to his voice. He lifted his head and kissed Bucky’s neck, his stubble scratching against Bucky’s own.</p><p> </p><p>“Not in a cannibalistic way, if that’s what you’re asking.” Bucky grinned and Louis whacked him in the chest.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re disgusting!” Louis laughed, tucking his face into Bucky’s neck. Bucky shifted his hand under Louis’ chin, tilting his face up until Louis met his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“That why you kissed me? Knew you wouldn’t get sick?” Bucky pressed a soft kiss to Louis’ cheek. Louis’ breath shuddered as he mapped his way down to the corner of Louis’ lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Louis said on an exhale, fingers digging in where he was gripping Bucky’s waist.</p><p> </p><p>“How long were you dying for it?” Bucky changed the path of his lips, kissing down Louis’ jaw to his neck. His slight stubble scratched at Bucky’s chapped lips, but it was worth it for the reaction he was receiving. Louis was arching into his touch, one of his legs thrown over Bucky’s thighs.</p><p> </p><p>“After I yelled at you and you told me to shut up because I was going to attract undead. Then there was a group of them and you looked so fucking smug--” Louis gasped as Bucky ran his teeth across the mark he had sucked into Louis’ skin. He hummed in encouragement as Louis’ chest heaved with his heavy breaths. “You looked so smug and I have never been more torn between wanting to hit someone and kiss them in my entire life.”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky grinned and pulled back, meeting Louis’ glassy eyes. “I wanted to kiss you from the moment you told me you didn’t care about my stupid greenhouse,” Bucky snorted out a laugh. “It annoyed me in the moment but the more I thought back on it, it makes me laugh every time.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so weird,” Louis shook his head with an exasperated smile, moving his hand from Bucky’s waist to the back of his neck. Bucky’s mouth hovered over Louis’, his breath washing over Bucky’s face as he huffed impatiently. Bucky smirked, but met Louis’ lips slowly, trying to savour the moment. It was filled with less uncertainty, Bucky not afraid that he was taking something from Louis that he wasn’t willing to give. It was honey sweet and slow, Bucky’s fingers running down Louis’ back to settle in that small dip he had become so fond of. Louis sighed deep in the back of his throat, pulling himself further into Bucky’s lap. Bucky hummed in approval, hooking his right hand under Louis’ thigh, drawing him in closer. Louis whimpered at the action and grabbed Bucky’s face roughly, deepening the kiss. Bucky tightened his grip. Kissing Louis was like finally getting rain after a long drought – you didn’t know how much you were missing it until it was finally in your grasp. He didn’t want to let go of Louis, wanted to keep this feeling close for as long as he could. Bucky took Louis’ lower lip between his teeth and almost jumped in shock at the guttural groan that came from deep in Louis’ throat.</p><p> </p><p>“You need to settle down, little one,” Bucky pulled back, pushing Louis' hair behind his ear and cupping his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate your stupid nicknames,” Louis grumbled. He was squirming in Bucky’s lap, nails still digging into Bucky’s skin. Bucky gripped his hips tightly. Louis stilled with a curse. “You’re so strong.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not strong enough to resist you,” Bucky whispered, drawing Louis in again.</p><p> </p><p>“You have such bad game.”</p><p> </p><p>“That why you’re wriggling around in my lap like you can’t get enough?” Bucky raised a mocking brow and Louis bit his lip.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re such an asshole.” Louis chided him. Bucky hummed in agreement, kissing along Louis’ jaw. “You look like a dandelion with your hair short.” Bucky barked out a surprised laugh, pressing his forehead to Louis’ collarbone. “I’m trying to get a rise out of you, you’re not supposed to laugh.”</p><p> </p><p>“That is probably the most out there way anyone has tried to insult me. Might I remind you,” Bucky added as Louis moved his hands to Bucky’s hair and ran his fingers through it, “you did this to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I never said dandelions weren’t cute,” Louis argued. Bucky rolled his eyes. Louis leant forward, resting his forehead on Bucky’s. He closed his eyes and Bucky followed suit, basking in the feeling of Louis just being that close to him, allowing Bucky to see that side of him. “I’m so lucky to have you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so lucky to have found you,” Bucky titled his head and kissed Louis tenderly, vulnerable. It didn’t feel like the same heat of before. It felt like everything they couldn’t say. It was Bucky pouring his soul into someone that could very much break his heart. It was him giving Louis something he hadn’t given anyone in years. It was a silent apology for lying by omission, for keeping such a huge part of who he was away from Louis.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky jolted suddenly, his nose colliding with Louis’. “What the fuck, Jamie?”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh,” Bucky instructed, holding a finger to Louis’ lips. “I thought I heard something.” He strained his ears, listening out for any movement amongst the trees. He thought he had heard a branch crack, but with his senses overloaded with everything Louis, it was hard to tell. He could hear Louis’ heart hammering -- with fear, something else or both, Bucky couldn’t tell – and his own panting breaths. He stood quickly, holding Louis tight so he didn’t fall.</p><p> </p><p>“Jamie, what is it?” Louis’ voice was shaky with fear. He let go of Louis, who stumbled as he tried to straighten his stance.</p><p> </p><p>“It sounds like someone’s skirting around the perimeter of the camp. Wake Liam up, I’m going to check it out.” Bucky unsheathed the knife at his hip and checked that his gun was still in its designated place. Louis looked pale, his eyes wide as he nodded at Bucky’s instruction.</p><p> </p><p>“Be safe.”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. He left the inner perimeter of the camp, the crackling sounds of the fire fading as he honed his senses into the outside perimeter of the camp. He could hear rustling, far away enough that whatever it was hadn’t crossed into their impromptu alarms yet. Bucky hunched as he walked, trying to appear smaller and blend into his surroundings. It had been years since he had to do a stealth mission, but it was so deeply ingrained in him that it was second nature. He drew his gun as he approached the sound, his eyes trying to distinguish the different shadows in the dark. He finally spotted it, the only shadow out of place in the woods. It was a singular person, crouched low and heading parallel to the camp. Bucky could leave it alone, let Liam and Louis know it was a false alarm and let the stranger be on their way, but – Bucky gritted his teeth. After the group they had fought on the highway and the nagging feeling that something was wrong all day, he couldn’t just leave it be. The stranger looked big, definitely big enough to take on Bucky.</p><p> </p><p>He raised the handgun, resting the butt of it on his other hand so he still had his knife available at a moment’s notice. He approached the stranger slowly, making as little noise as possible with the thick undergrowth of the woods. The stranger looked deformed – there was no nicer way to say it – almost like a hunchback. If it was one of the undead, he would be able to dispatch it quickly and get back to camp. He didn’t think that he and Lady Luck hadn’t reconciled their relationship enough for her to let him get off that easy.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky cursed softly as he tripped on a rogue tree root, leaves and sticks crunching under his boots. He raised his gun, ready to shoot as the stranger turned around and spotted him immediately. He couldn’t see any defining features in the dark, could only see enough to determine it was a man wearing dark-coloured clothing. </p><p> </p><p>“Come closer, hands up.” Bucky instructed. He saw the man raise his hands in surrender, slowly shuffling closer to Bucky. His back still looked deformed, a weird hump rising over his shoulders. His heart was racing so fast it was almost deafening.</p><p> </p><p>He stopped a few feet away from Bucky and Bucky felt his heart drop into his stomach. He almost stumbled as a tremor racked his frame. He saw the exact moment the other man registered who he was, his hands slowly falling to his sides. His face held no surprise and Bucky felt like he was going to throw up.</p><p> </p><p>“Steve?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to the beautiful <a href="https://twitter.com/steIIouIas?s=20">Tina</a> for the incredible artwork! Please check out their other stuff, they are amazing &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Some Sort of Freak That Feels No Pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Bucky lowered his gun, his arms going limp by his sides. “How—where– </span>
  <em>
    <span>Steve?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He stammered, having to repeat the name, unable to believe his own eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Bucky,” Steve sighed. His shoulders relaxed as the relief washed over him. “It’s really you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Steve took a step towards Bucky and Bucky couldn’t hold back a flinch. Shame and regret flooded him as Steve’s face dropped. His hands were hovering awkwardly by his side. He wasn’t wearing the regular Captain America suit; the red, white and blue had been replaced with a darker navy two-piece suit. The classic star was still stamped on his chest, blending in with the rest of the dark fabric. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no,” Bucky muttered to himself, bringing his hands to his face, careful not to cut himself on the knife. “You shouldn’t be here.” His voice shook with desperation.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I came looking for you, Buck.” Steve sounded offended, his face scrunching up in defence. “You weren’t at the cabin, you left that note. ‘Heading to Union City’.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But—</span>
  <em>
    <span>why?</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’ve been on my own for so long…” Bucky trailed off, the gravity of the situation hitting him fully. This was the first time he had seen Steve in over a year, real and in the flesh. His voice was deeper than Bucky remembered. His facial hair was long, but neatly trimmed, too long to be stubble but too short to be a beard. He looked a bit older too, the stress of the apocalypse written in the lines by his eyes and mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, and I’m sorry, Buck,” Steve held out a careful hand, as if he was approaching a frightened kitten, and stepped closer to Bucky again. “I didn’t mean to be gone for so long, it was never meant to be like that. Hey, put these away,” he added as Bucky stood in silence, grabbing his gun and knife and putting them back in their rightful places.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I… God,” Bucky sighed, drawing Steve into a hug. Steve let out a surprised grunt, but wound his arms around Bucky anyway. It was an awkward hug, the shield sticking out in all the worst places, Bucky’s arms not being able to go all the way around Steve’s back. But it was familiar, comfortable, the one thing that Bucky knew from Before that would always bring him back into his own head.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Steve had come for him. Bucky didn’t think he would; sure, he had left a note just in case, but he never truly expected for Steve to show up. And now he had. He was there, in person, holding onto Bucky like he was a lifeline. He pulled out of the hug slowly, Steve’s hands gripping his shoulders. “You cut your hair,” Steve observed, ruffling the short strands. The happiness in his eyes was palpable, shining brighter than the stars and crinkled from where he was smiling. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Louis—oh shit.” Bucky cursed, banging his forehead against Steve’s chest in frustration. “This is so bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong? Bucky?” Steve shook Bucky’s shoulders, trying to get him to meet his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Step away from him.” Louis’ voice was cold and dangerous. Steve stiffened and Bucky swore under his breath. Neither of them had heard Louis approach, too caught up in their reunion. Bucky’s heart raced and his palm started to sweat. This was it. The end of everything he had built for himself, everything he had worked towards – it ended with Steve’s arrival. He steeled himself, trying to ready himself for what was to come. Who was he kidding? He hadn’t been ready to tell Louis the truth for the last two weeks, what difference would Steve’s presence make? “Now!” Louis yelled and Steve dropped his hands from Bucky’s shoulders, taking two steps back and raising his hand in surrender, again.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck.” Liam spoke from behind Louis, eyes wide as he took in the scene in front of him. “Louis,” He warned and Bucky wanted to die. He had skipped the first two stages of grief and had barrelled headfirst into the third—if there was a God out there, Bucky pleaded for His mercy. “Louis, maybe we should calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, Liam. Jamie, are you okay?” Louis asked, approaching the pair slowly. His jaw was clenched and his eyes held pure fire. If looks could kill, Steve would have been burnt to a crisp already.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jamie</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Steve repeated, face twisted as his eyes flicked to Bucky. Bucky’s stomach dropped and knew he was wearing a pained expression. Steve hadn’t known Bucky to let anyone but his family call him Jamie, had only seen him lash out at the name. Sam had tried not long after Bucky escaped from Hydra and almost got a broken arm for his trouble. Now hearing Louis call him something that he knew Bucky held so sacred… The two people he cared for most in the world were stuck in a game of tug-of-war with Bucky as the pitiful rope and they didn’t even know it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis, I’m okay. Go back to camp,” Bucky pleaded, turning his back to Steve and putting his full focus on Louis. He hoped Louis didn’t notice as he shuffled further to the left, placing himself as a human shield in front of Steve. Louis’ eyes were flitting back and forth between Steve and Bucky, clearly trying to put the pieces together.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving you alone out here. What if he’s one of the weirdos from the highway?” Louis reasoned and Bucky sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise he’s not. Please, Louis.” He sounded defeated, even to his own ears. Louis shook his head, confusion written all over his face. “Liam. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Liam shifted uncomfortably. With a shake of his head, Liam holstered his gun. “I’m sorry, James. You knew it would happen eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>talking</span>
  </em>
  <span> about?” Louis demanded, his gun still aimed at Steve even as he regarded Liam. Bucky could see the cracks starting to appear, the desperation and fear putting lines in Louis’ forehead and around his mouth. Bucky wanted to smooth them, to rid him of the pain. He knew it was his fault and now he was being punished for his cowardice. “Who are you?” Louis’ attention turned back to Steve.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Steve looked to Bucky for guidance, but Bucky couldn’t bring himself to look at any of them, eyes trained to the floor. “I’m Steve.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve,” Louis repeated, moving closer. He squinted, trying to make out Steve’s features in the darkness of the night. “You’re… you’re Steve Rogers.” Louis finally lowered his gun, holding it at his side. Bucky could physically </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> Louis fully realise Bucky’s betrayal. His face twisted into something cruel, his eyes nothing less than murderous as they locked onto Bucky. “You fucking bastard!” Louis hit him in the chest and Bucky let out a wheeze, the air leaving his lungs.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Steve protested. He stepped forward, a hand on his shield. Bucky held his hand up as a warning to stay where he was. Steve’s mouth hardened into a disapproving line, but he listened.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“All this time? All this time and you didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> to tell me? I thought I killed you!” Louis screeched, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “You let me think you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>dying</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Fuck you.” Louis growled. His face was burning red with anger and his eyes were filling up with tears. “Everything’s a fucking lie. How could I have been so stupid?” He was muttering to himself, refusing to look at Bucky.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I promised you I’d protect you.” Bucky’s voice broke and Louis’ gaze snapped back to him. His eyes were so piercing, the colour of the sky in summer, even through his unshed tears. Bucky  cleared his throat, dangerously aware of the three sets of eyes trained on him. He wished it was a more private moment, that he could explain to Louis properly, but this was all on him. He had plenty of chances and yet, all his choices, his deceit, had led him to this point. Angry and sad and heartbroken, all with an audience. “It wasn’t… Louis, it’s not a lie to me.” He opened his mouth to continue, but the words got caught in his throat. He hoped Louis understood what he was trying to say. Opening up, showing him a vulnerable side that had been buried for years, everything they shared… none of that was a lie. It was the only thing that made sense to Bucky anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe I kissed the Winter Soldier,” Louis muttered, burying his hands in his face. With his words muffled by his hands, Bucky couldn’t decipher how Louis meant those words and he felt his resolve cracking almost to its breaking point. If Louis was disgusted – it was everything Bucky feared, and he didn’t think he would be able to handle that.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” The question was directed at Bucky, Steve’s voice gruff and angry. It was the wrong move to make, Louis turning on him with the fury of a thousand men.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess you’re the old Captain, huh?” Louis’ voice was dripping with malice, and he was one of the most terrifying things Bucky had ever seen. What Louis lacked in physical strength compared to Steve, he more than made up for with his pure rage. “Well, where the fuck have you been, Cap? Letting him slum it out in the woods on his own while you’re fuck knows where doing fuck knows what!” Louis was gesturing wildly, standing his ground even as Steve stood taller, fists clenched at his sides. “You don’t get to be angry at him when you abandoned him.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis--”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bucky</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He practically hissed the name. Bucky flinched, drawing his arms around himself. Louis’ eyes softened slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Who the fuck are you to tell me I abandoned him?” Steve demanded, pointing an accusatory finger at Louis. “I did what I had to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so it was for the good of the people? Praise the almighty, righteous Captain America!” He spat the word, as if it was dirty, something to be ashamed of. Steve’s nostrils flared. “Keep your preachy bullshit to yourself, because I don’t buy a lick of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Bucky, who the hell is this guy?” Steve demanded, eyes locked onto Louis.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m the one who’s been looking after your </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bucky</span>
  </em>
  <span> while you left him to die.” Louis answered for Bucky. Bucky looked to Liam, who was watching the exchange with a steely gaze. His hand was resting on his gun, ready to be unholstered at a moment’s notice. Although a bullet could incapacitate Steve, Bucky didn’t have the heart to tell Liam that by the time he drew a weapon, it would probably be too late. Not that Bucky would ever let Steve get the chance.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Because it looks like he’s been making sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t die. You’ve got no leg to stand on, pal.” Steve raised a condescending brow and Louis seethed.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call me pal.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve, shut up. Louis, let me explain.” Bucky begged.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No. You can both fuck off,” Louis decided, spinning on his heel and heading towards Liam. “Liam, let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis, be smart about this,” Liam reasoned with him, but Louis had shut off entirely.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want him,” Louis sneered as he pointed at Steve, “anywhere near me. He can continue to skulk around the perimeter like the dog he is.” Steve scoffed, but didn’t retaliate. Bucky had one thing to thank God for, at least.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Get some sleep,” Bucky stepped towards Louis. Taking a risk, he extended his hand and ran it from Louis’ shoulder to his elbow. Louis shifted where he stood but didn’t push Bucky off. It felt like a victory. “I’ll keep an eye over you both. We have a lot of stuff to catch up on anyway.” Bucky tilted his head in Steve’s direction.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Louis took his arm out of Bucky’s grasp. His gaze was so piercing, so deep, Bucky felt like his soul was being ripped raw with it.  “I’m sure you do.” He started in the direction of the camp, leaving Liam to regard Bucky with sad eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want it to happen like this,” he sighed. “But he’ll be willing to forgive.” Liam assured him, patting Bucky on the shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so,” Bucky replied sincerely, patting Liam’s hand with his own. “Thanks, Liam. Can you just go talk him down? I’ve gotta deal with this.” Bucky blew out a shaky breath and Liam nodded firmly, wishing Bucky luck before he followed Louis through the woods.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What in the Hell was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky sighed. “Those were my travelling companions. Louis and Liam.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I gathered.” Steve shook his head, long strands of hair falling around his face. It was like the entire exchange had taken a physical toll on him, the dark circles around his eyes more apparent and his shoulders slumped. Whether it was in defeat or fatigue, Bucky couldn’t tell. It was a stark realisation — Bucky didn’t know Steve anymore. There used to be nothing about Steve that Bucky didn’t know; he was fluent in everything Steve. With every passing moment, it became clear to him that Steve now had a whole new code that he couldn’t decipher.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look… different,” Bucky tried, the conversation starter falling flat. Steve heaved a sigh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck, what are you doing out here? Why is that kid calling you Jamie?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…” Bucky took a second to gather his thoughts, Steve’s eyes lifeless as they watched him. “They were in need. Liam’s leg was cut open and I had the opportunity to help.” He sighed, planting himself on the ground, not caring about the rocks and twigs digging into his thighs. Steve regarded him carefully but followed suit, taking the shield off and sitting it next to him. “They saw how I handled the undead and asked if I would help them find Louis’ family — they’re in the quarantine zone in Union City. I,” Bucky cleared his throat, “I had nothing left out there for me. So, I went with them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think that? That there was nothing left for you?” Steve’s mouth was downturned, his brow furrowed in distress. Bucky shrugged and Steve seemed to deflate even more, hands gripping his knees so tightly Bucky wouldn’t be surprised if it left a bruise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can we talk about this tomorrow? You clearly need to sleep,” Bucky added when Steve opened his mouth to argue. He nodded sullenly, standing and brushing the dirt off his pants. “Could you help me up, please? I kind of got shot and forgot.” Bucky admitted sheepishly, ignoring Steve muttering insults under his breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you forget you got shot?” Steve grumbled as he hoisted Bucky into a standing position. Bucky stumbled slightly and grabbed onto Steve’s shoulders to right himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a very busy day for me,” Bucky retorted. He snorted at Steve’s unimpressed glare, dropping his hands and turning to head back to camp. He heard Steve pick up the shield, but he left it on his arm rather than throwing it on his back. It made Bucky uneasy, Steve clearly distrusting his situation with Louis and Liam; he didn’t really understand it, not when Steve could so easily out-fight both of them. Louis may have been angry, but he would never hurt Bucky. Well maybe, he mused to himself, but only with his words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Liam was still awake when they got back to the camp, hunched over as he stared into the fire as if the small flames held the answers to all his questions. He shifted as he noticed Bucky and Steve approaching, his shoulders as tense as the line of his mouth. Bucky cast a glance over the camp and something warm and hopeful settled in his chest as the sight of Louis bundled up in his sleeping bag, still stationed next to Bucky’s. Bucky didn’t expect to get any sleep that night, but the thought that Louis would still be willing to have Bucky there while he was in such a vulnerable state was reassuring.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Liam.” Bucky lowered himself to the ground next to Liam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bucky,” He returned the greeting, eyes not leaving Steve. Steve was taking in their camp, cataloguing their packs tied to the trees and the sleeping bags by the fire. His expression was unreadable, even to Bucky, but his eyes were carefully calculating. “If you value any of your extremities,” Liam drawled, finally tearing his gaze away from Steve, “I would recommend sleeping away from Louis.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Steve nodded, his entire body rigid. Bucky couldn’t remember a time he had seen Steve so tense. “Do you need me to keep watch?” He directed the question to Bucky, his voice a touch softer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you need the rest. I’ll keep watch,” Bucky waved him off and Steve nodded again. He walked out of sight, away from the rest of their sleeping bags, and Bucky could hear shuffling as he got himself comfortable. It took a few minutes of sitting in silence, but his breaths shallowed and Bucky let out a resigned sigh. “He’s asleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know?” Liam twisted, trying to spot Steve.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been around this guy enough to know what he sounds like when he sleeps.” Bucky snorted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds creepy,” Liam informed him, turning back around and relaxing where he sat. He let his chin fall to his chest, cradling his knees as he sat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” He agreed airily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky’s brain was somehow working at a million miles an hour but also felt like it had completely stopped. He felt overwhelmed, but his body was calm, relaxed. He was convinced that his brain had registered </span>
  <em>
    <span>too much</span>
  </em>
  <span> and tried to shut itself down, but had only managed to get to the halfway mark. It didn’t feel real, the possibility of Steve finding them like that almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> good to be true. Good was perhaps too optimistic. Bucky didn’t think his current predicament was </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, being caught out in a lie in the worst way possible. It was embarrassing, mainly, for his identity being exposed in the most out-there way possible. When he was turning over the scenario in his head, it never started with Steve crashing his way into Bucky’s life again. He hadn’t even let himself </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> about what it meant that Steve came looking for him. Steve was needed in DC, he was too strong of an asset to let him rough it out in the woods. Steve Rogers was not a man to be exiled. So, he had either set out to get Bucky for himself, or something had to have gone terribly wrong. He decided to file those thoughts away for later, not quite ready for the crushing realisation that the world could be doomed and he had been too caught up in whatever it was he and Louis were doing (fraternising?) to notice, or even care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How mad is he?” He broke the silence, Liam letting out an unamused huff.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was cursing you out the whole way back. He’s not mad you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Liam prefaced, “he’s mad that you didn’t trust him. A common theme between you two.” He observed, following it with a sigh. “A </span>
  <em>
    <span>tiring</span>
  </em>
  <span> theme.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I had my reasons,” Bucky argued, rubbing at the sleeve over his right arm. He could take it off now, let the plates of the arm shift as they wanted, and intimidate potential threats as much as he wanted. It was strange, after almost two weeks, that he didn’t really want to. He had tricked himself into a sense of normalcy, with the arm hidden and the lie about who he was, and it was a feeling he had missed. Just being Jamie, not having to worry about the title of the Winter Soldier being connected to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you did,” Liam clapped him on the shoulder in a comforting gesture. “He’ll be willing to hear them, you know he will. You just need to let him get the fight out of his system.” Bucky sighed. “He had a huge crush on you, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, yeah. The evil assassin thing really did it for him. If you flash the metal arm a bit, he will probably get the fight out of his system a lot quicker,” Liam snickered, a sly grin plastered on his face. Bucky let out a shocked laugh, looking over at Louis where he was still sleeping soundly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He is so strange.” Bucky shook his head, but couldn’t stop the fond smile that overtook his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He really cares about you, Bucky,” Liam’s voice dropped, the teasing tone gone. He was back to being serious. “I’ve known Louis for -- God, I don’t even know how long now. But, I’ve seen him in relationships, and I’ve seen him with people he’s liked. You’re, like, on another level. I know you were kissing before Louis woke me up. You’re not sly, Barnes.” Liam smirked as Bucky spluttered, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He choked out and Liam laughed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stay in denial, pal.” Liam knocked him on the shoulder. “Are you good to keep watch? I need to sleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Bucky shooed him away, wishing him a goodnight. He clocked out almost instantly, and Bucky was left with nothing but the sounds of the cracking wood in the fire, the soft snores coming from his sleeping companions and his own thoughts racing through his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>{}</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There had been a few times in his long life where Bucky wished he had died when he fell off that train, but it had never been this strong before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The silence was deadly between the four men, the tension so thick Bucky felt like he was choking on it. Louis had blatantly ignored Steve’s existence and only spoke to Bucky when he needed to. It was such a drastic shift from how they were before, the jokes and shared stories and easy silences. Every time Steve so much as opened his mouth to speak, Louis directed a glare so full of hatred at him that Bucky was scared Steve might actually die. Liam had been trying to mediate, speaking to Bucky whenever he noticed him looking pitiful, and even striking up a conversation or two with Steve. As much as he hated to admit, the anger on Louis’ face during those moments made Bucky laugh to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could see Steve’s frustration growing, the pace they were going at slower than he was accustomed to. Bucky had had time to grow used to it, but Steve was still going at a speed that enhanced beings could keep up with, not regular people. He used it as an excuse to scout ahead, planning out a route for the other men and waiting for them to catch up before he pushed forward. It was taking its toll on Louis and Liam, Bucky could see it, but Steve was restless, not paying attention. It seemed like he was in a hurry, but what he was rushing for, Bucky couldn’t place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Liam sidled up next to Bucky, Bucky immediately looking back to check on Louis. “He’s struggling to keep up but is too stubborn to say anything,” he grumbled, pulling Bucky’s attention back to him. He was unimpressed, clearly, glaring in the general direction Steve had wandered off in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell Steve to stop so we can have a break,” Bucky offered and Liam sighed in relief. “I don’t think he’s used to travelling with people who aren’t soldiers or enhanced.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Liam offered him a tired smile, dropping back in step with Louis. Louis looked up and met Bucky’s gaze, barely holding it before he looked to the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky sighed and broke into a jog, catching up with Steve. He called his name, following the sound of his voice until he broke into a small clearing, Steve leaning against a tree with his shield in his lap, his eyes closed. “What are you doing?” Bucky slowed, standing awkwardly as Steve slowly opened his eyes and watched him closely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thought they could use a break.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Bucky cleared his throat. “I was gonna ask if we could stop.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A wry smile spread across Steve’s face. “I still know how to look after a team, Buck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t really know.” Bucky shrugged, shucking off his pack and lowering himself against another tree, Steve’s sad eyes boring into him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bucky…” Steve sighed, running his hands over his face. He looked genuinely torn between actually talking to Bucky and running away from the situation entirely. Steve wasn’t a runner by nature, but Bucky knew when he felt emotionally trapped by anyone or anything, his first instinct was to bolt. “I don’t want to do it with an audience, but I think we need to talk.” His lips were spread into a thin line, a strong crease between his brows. His gaze was earnest, his fingers gripping at the edges of his shield tightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky nodded grimly. Steve’s face twisted in distaste as they heard footsteps approach the clearing. It dropped quickly as Louis and Liam came into view, replaced with his usual deadpan I’m-Captain-America-and-I-Take-Everthing-Seriously expression. “Steve thought we could stop here for a break,” Bucky tried, his voice coming out awkward and stilted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Louis could barely contain his eye roll. “How thoughtful of him.”  Despite his words, it was clear he was grateful. His shoulders sagged and he dumped his pack in the middle of the clearing, dropping down right next to it. His hair was sticking to his forehead and the nape of his neck with sweat, his face flushed from the warmth of the day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you’re too hot, I can put your jacket in my pack,” Bucky offered, shifting awkwardly as Louis titled his head and stared at him. He hummed in consideration but didn’t deny the offer, so Bucky tugged open his pack. Ignoring the arch of Steve’s curious brow as he watched Bucky shift the things around in his pack, Bucky held out a hand for the jacket. Louis sighed, as if it was asking the world of him not to die of heat exhaustion, and shrugged off his jacket. He balled it up and his hands and threw it at Bucky as hard as he could. Bucky caught it before it hit his face, not wanting to give Louis the satisfaction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Louis said softly, shifting where he sat and avoiding Bucky’s eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re more than welcome, Louis,” Bucky smiled at him and winked as Louis met his gaze. His lips quirked with a smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How am I still a third wheel when there’s four of us here?” Liam groaned, tugging off his own jacket and wrapping it around his waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” Louis and Bucky said in sync and Bucky held back a snort of laughter. Liam threw his hands up in defeat and took a seat next to Louis.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How did you get that gear anyway?” Steve asked, extending his legs so the shield sat flush against his thighs. Louis regarded him like he was a particularly bothersome gnat. Steve seemed unaffected.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that a serious question?” Louis asked, but Liam interrupted, speaking over him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bucky gave it to us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Steve sounded genuinely surprised, turning to face Bucky instead. “I didn’t realise Tony had gear for Nat and Clint at that cabin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky shrugged. “It was an Avengers hideout and he’s a paranoid fucker.” Steve huffed a laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, we’re wearing the Avengers’ gear?” Liam’s eyes lit up, barely contained glee written all over his face. Louis looked horrified. Bucky smirked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Black Widow and Hawkeye’s,” Bucky confirmed, digging in his pack to hide his smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you just let me wear Black Widow’s gear,” Louis muttered with a shake of his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what’s wrong with that?” Steve queried with the classic Unimpressed-Steve-Eyebrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, old man. I would have treated it with more care if I knew it was hers,” Louis didn’t bother to hide his eye roll this time, not even bothering to look at Steve as he dug into a bag of pretzels. He offered the bag to Liam and Bucky, shrugging when both of them turned him down. “If you’re trying to be righteous towards men who are plagued by toxic masculinity, you’re barking up the wrong tree.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying--</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Steve cut himself off with a sigh. He wasn’t used to having people dislike him, Bucky knew; not since after the serum, anyway. He was always the golden boy, admired by millions who were willing to drop whatever they were doing for him at any point in time. He never </span>
  <em>
    <span>demanded</span>
  </em>
  <span> those things, but as he got older and the title of Captain America weighed on him more heavily, he had stopped turning down any offers. If he was going to be beset by the idea people had of him, he was going to use it to his advantage as much as he could. “Could I have a snack or water or something?” He muttered to Bucky, not even bothering to hide his defeated sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hadn’t occurred to Bucky that Steve had come to find him empty handed, too caught up in their reunion and his own exposure as the Winter Soldier to think about it. Considering the small details were usually his specialty, he felt embarrassed. It had not crossed his mind even once that Steve wasn’t carrying a pack, or that he hadn’t slept on anything the night before. He could feel Louis watching them and steeled himself for whatever onslaught he was planning. “Of course.” Bucky dug out two bottles of water and held one out to Steve, following with a bag of dried fruit they could share.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you not bring any of your own things?” Louis asked, tone unimpressed and face even less so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought I was going to the cabin, so no,” Steve retorted, his hands flexing in his gloves, trying so obviously to keep a steady head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great. So we have to starve so you can eat. Thank you, Captain America. You’re a real stellar guy.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm and Bucky could practically hear Steve counting to ten in his head. Louis had a way of making “Captain America” sound like an insult, and Bucky knew he would have to put a stop to it. He didn’t want Louis to think he was taking Steve’s side, but he didn’t want Steve to explode and cause even more troubles between the three of them. Steve was rarely violent, and Bucky would be able to stop him from hurting Louis if it did come to that point, but the tense atmosphere was suffocating, draining them all of energy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to like me, but your attitude is not needed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aww, did I hurt your feelings? Are you going to tell on me?” Louis pouted, his eyes sparkling with mischief. Bucky groaned in frustration, burying his head in his hands. It was like dealing with children.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, pal--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I already told you, don’t call me </span>
  <em>
    <span>pal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And if anyone needs to listen, it’s you.” Louis put his pretzels down and leant forward, elbows resting on his knees and eyes blazing. He reminded Bucky so much of a lion with its prey in its sights. It was a sight to behold, someone half Steve’s size standing up to him and making Steve -- </span>
  <em>
    <span>somehow </span>
  </em>
  <span>-- seem small in comparison. “I have one mission, and that is to find my family. I intend to complete that mission with Bucky and Liam by my side. I don’t care who you are or how important you </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> you are, I’m not going to let you jeopardise that. Do you understand?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steve’s jaw was clenched so hard Bucky was scared he was going to hurt himself. His right eye twitched slightly as Louis cocked his head, expectant and almost teasing. “I understand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Louis nodded with a self-satisfied smirk. “Good. In that case, you can coordinate our next supply run since it was your bright idea to go trekking through the woods with no supplies.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky heard Steve release a deep, controlled breath in frustration. It was strange how much Steve and Louis reminded him of each other, but how different they came across, especially now. The war and the pressure of being Captain America </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> changed Steve -- Bucky had seen it back in the ‘40s and he had seen it when he came back to his own after escaping Hydra -- but with the pressure of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>apocalypse</span>
  </em>
  <span> now on his back, the change had become impossible to ignore. He didn’t know how Louis was before the apocalypse, apart from the stories they had shared across the campfire, but it seemed pretty par for the course of how Louis was now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re approaching more populated areas now,” Bucky cleared his throat, “so there’ll be more places to pick up supplies.” Louis hummed thoughtfully, Liam was watching Bucky like he felt sorry for him, and Steve didn’t react, just kept digging into the small package of dried fruit. The tension was so thick he didn’t think there was anything in the world strong enough to cut through it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky sighed at his failed attempt to ease the tension, downing his water and tugging at the sleeve covering his arm. There was no reason for him to still be wearing it, his identity known throughout the group. It served no purpose other than being a nuisance. He tugged his own jacket off, shoving it into his pack beside Louis’. He pulled the turtleneck off next, leaving himself in nothing but a -- frankly, kind of gross; they were going to have to wash their clothes sometimes soon -- white wifebeater.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Steve asked, a frown ever-present on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The sleeve is annoying me,” Bucky explained, toggling the little switch and rolling it down his arm. He could feel Louis’ eyes on him, but kept his own gaze down in an attempt to not rip the sleeve.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I honestly didn’t think that would still work.” Steve sounded impressed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tony’s good at what he does.” Bucky shrugged, folding the sleeve and tucking it into one of the side pockets of his pack. He let out a deep, blissful breath as the warmth of the sun hit his skin for the first time in what felt like months. He leant back on his hands, tilting his face towards the sky. It felt strange, not having the ends of his hair brush against his skin, but he felt free. There were no barriers between him and the sun, between him and his peers, or in his own mind. He felt at peace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should probably get going,” Liam cleared his throat and stood, wiping dirt off his hands and tying up his back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky hummed in acknowledgement but didn’t move, wanting to let the sun wash over him for a bit longer.  “I’ll catch up with you guys.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Steve asked, his eyebrows knitted in concern.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, go ahead,” Bucky sent him a reassuring smile and Steve nodded resolutely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll join you guys in a bit, too.” Louis cleared his throat, shuffling where he stood. Steve’s mouth settled in an unimpressed line and Liam just rolled his eyes. “Stay safe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You too,” Liam responded, gesturing for Steve to continue on. With one last look at Bucky, Steve turned and headed off into the woods, Liam in tow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky and Louis sat in silence, accompanied by nothing but the soft breeze and birds chirping around them. Bucky let himself fall onto his back with a huff, the back of his eyelids painted red where the sun was beaming down on him. He could hear Louis shifting, the rough material of his pants scraping against the boots.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Am I really wearing Black Widow’s gear?” He broke the silence and Bucky barked out a surprised laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she was the closest to your size,” Bucky grinned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No need to look so smug about it,” Louis grumbled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s cute,” Bucky retorted, opening his eyes and sitting back up until his gaze rested on Louis. He was ripping out blades of grass and flinging them to the side, face furrowed in focus. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky waited as Louis’ silence dragged on, his frown deeper as he tugged the grass out of the ground more viciously. “I just don’t get why you didn’t tell me. You told </span>
  <em>
    <span>Liam</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Louis threw the handful of grass he had pulled out, wild eyes turning to Bucky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He figured it out,” Bucky said softly. “I was planning on telling you originally, when I heard you arguing about bringing me along,” he confessed, “but I thought about it so much that I talked myself out of it kinda. I was scared that if you knew you wouldn’t want me around… I didn’t want you to think I was dangerous.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have. I just…” Louis sighed. He hit the ground in frustration and moved his hands to grasp his knees. “I thought I killed you.” His voice was soft, finally letting his fatigue and sadness seep in. Bucky’s heart twisted. He knew he was the cause and didn’t know if there was any way to come back from that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t tell you how sorry I am about that.” Bucky shuffled forward until his knees were touching Louis’, Louis staring at his hands determinedly. Bucky took Louis’ hands in his, entwining their fingers. The sun shone brightly against his metal arm, the reflection bathing Louis in amber light. Louis let out a shaky breath. “It was selfish and cowardly and if I could change how I made you feel, I would. But I wouldn’t change anything else.” Louis finally met Bucky’s eyes. “You gave me a purpose, a reason to be, for the first time in a very, very long time. At first, it was just getting you to your family, and then--” Bucky exhaled sharply “-- just spending time with you was enough of a purpose for me. I was cast out by the people I cared about most and you and Liam welcomed me. Even if it was with not-so-open arms.” Bucky grinned and Louis laughed softly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t really blame me for that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Bucky smiled fondly, rubbing his thumbs along Louis’, “I guess I can’t.” He leant down and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Louis’ hands, warm from the sun. The tips of his fingers were tinged green from the grass and it made Bucky’s heart race so violently he was scared it might just give out. Because it felt like home. “What I can do, though, is apologise and ask for your forgiveness. I am sincerely sorry for not telling you the truth and leading you to believe you harmed me, and although I ask for your forgiveness, I don’t expect it. I would understand if you wanted nothing to do with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t care if I left you behind?” Louis asked softly, voice strained.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would care. I’d go back to that stupid, lonely cabin knowing I had fucked up my chance at the best thing that had ever happened to me.” Bucky said earnestly, squeezing Louis’ hands where he held them. “But I would make sure I fulfilled my promise first.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about Steve?” His eyes were probing, watching Bucky closely. It seemed like he was making a decision and as selfish as it was, Bucky hoped he would be able to stay by Louis’ side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s complicated,” Bucky sighed, “but he won’t be a problem between us. If you want there to be an ‘us’,” Bucky added quickly. It felt like a victory when Louis’ mouth quirked in a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m still mad at you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Especially</span>
  </em>
  <span> for Liam knowing when I didn’t.” Louis fought the smile that was begging to be bigger, but Bucky didn’t hide the way his face lit up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was the one thing that wasn’t my fault, but I’ll take it.” Bucky beamed. “Is it pushing my luck to ask if I can kiss you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll allow it.” Louis blushed high on his cheekbones and it was the most beautiful thing Bucky had ever seen. He tugged Louis forwards by his hands, dropping them to quickly grab his jaw. He rested his forehead on Louis’, unable to stop smiling. “Your hand is so warm.” Louis’ voice was full of awe and Bucky chuckled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s metal, it warms in the sun,” he explained. Louis opened his mouth to say something, probably argue or call Bucky a name, but Bucky pressed his lips against Louis’, effectively shutting him up. He melted into the kiss almost immediately, cupping the back of Bucky’s neck as he deepened the kiss. Bucky pulled back with one last peck, tucking Louis’ stray hairs behind his ears. “We should probably get going if we don’t want to fall too far behind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Louis cleared his throat, sliding his hands from Bucky’s neck to his shoulders. “Is Steve angry that you kissed me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We haven’t really talked about it,” Bucky answered honestly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky laughed. “That’s fairly obvious.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.” Louis whacked him on the shoulder but smirked as he sat back. “How do you even </span>
  <em>
    <span>stand</span>
  </em>
  <span> it?” Louis deepened his voice into a parody of Steve’s, “‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m Captain America and everything I do is for the American people!’</span>
  </em>
  <span> Like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>honestly</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He rolled his eyes and Bucky laughed. He groaned as he stood up, a tinge of pain rippling from the wound in his leg.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You get used to it. I learned how to tune him out around the ‘30s.” He grinned and Louis let out a wounded sound. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I forgot how old you were. And I had the nerve to call Steve old.” He sounded genuinely disturbed and Bucky scoffed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was frozen for most of it, it doesn’t count. I didn’t lie when I said I </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m in my early thirties.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe I kissed a senior citizen.” Louis acted like he didn’t hear Bucky, shaking his head in mock disappointment. “You were probably neighbours with my great grandpa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t you say your family was from Ohio? I lived in Brooklyn,” Bucky reminded him. Louis waved him off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Irrelevant. What was it like living with no electricity?” Louis smirked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was electricity in the ‘30s, idiot.” Bucky nudged Louis with his shoulder. He stumbled dramatically, falling into a nearby tree. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your overwhelming strength has disarmed me. I challenge thee to a duel.” He held his fists up and approached Bucky bouncing on his toes, like a boxer from an old-timey movie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As cute as you dying for my attention is, wrong time period.” Bucky grinned when Louis let out an affronted squeak, turning away from him and following Steve and Liam’s tracks in the woods.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Watch out, Bucky, if your head grows any bigger it’s going to fall off.” Louis snorted and Bucky’s face dropped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t— I don’t like you calling me Bucky,” he admitted softly, running his hands through his hair. “I’m Bucky to everyone else, but I… I like being Jamie to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Louis regarded him for a moment, gaze flicking across Bucky’s face as he searched for something. He must have found what he was looking for, offering Bucky a small, warm smile. “Of course, Jamie. I know it pisses Steve off, too, so it’s a win for both of us.” Louis cackled and started off into the woods. Bucky just followed him with a sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky shifted where he sat, his movement jostling Louis as he ate. Louis grumbled in annoyance but continued eating, barely taking a breath. He and Liam would have burned a lot of energy trying to keep up with Steve and Bucky, so Bucky made sure to give them extra servings to make up for it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had, as per Louis’ half-cocked plan, stopped to gather more supplies when they could. They found Steve a backpack and stuffed it full of whatever food and drink they could find. He had carried it without complaint, had barely said a word since they had taken their last break. Bucky was worried, but he could see that Steve was stewing in something, and knew it was best to leave it alone for now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Things were less awkward when they settled in for the night, Steve keeping mainly to himself as the other three set up camp. It improved Louis’ mood astronomically, practically </span>
  <em>
    <span>skipping </span>
  </em>
  <span>around the camp and harassing whoever out of Bucky and Liam looked like the best victim. Bucky humoured him as much as he could, but he couldn’t help but be distracted as he watched Steve mope around the camp. He knew Steve wanted to talk and watching him be this close with other people — especially Louis — probably hurt him. Bucky couldn’t find it in himself to feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not after the way he was so easily dismissed by the people he considered friends, </span>
  <em>
    <span>family </span>
  </em>
  <span>even. It only made sense that he would find that somewhere else, somewhere arguably better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop moping,” Louis grumbled, nudging Bucky with his thigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop talking with your mouth full,” Bucky retorted. Louis rolled his eyes but complied, choosing to rest his head on Bucky’s shoulder instead. “You’re on the wrong side if you want a comfortable pillow.” Bucky grinned as Louis jumped at the cool metal of his arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m plenty comfortable, thank you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stubborn,” Bucky muttered fondly, pressing a kiss to the top of Louis’ head. He heard Steve clear his throat and couldn’t help but flinch, much to Louis’ annoyance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Got a problem, Rogers?” Louis sat up, yet another glare directed at Steve. Steve was sitting on the other side of the fire, faced towards the woods. He had his shield upright, snug to the side of his body as he surveyed the area around them, always alert.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I had a problem, I’d mention it.” Steve brushed him off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t seem that way to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Louis, back off,” Liam sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. I don’t like that he showed up out of nowhere and thinks he has the right to sit there and judge what’s, frankly, none of his business.” Louis’ heart was racing, so loud it was almost drowning out everything else around them. Bucky placed a steadying hand on his back, stroking his fingers along Louis’ spine. His heart was still racing but Louis tapped his hand against Bucky’s thigh in gratitude.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it against the law to have opinions now?” Steve asked sarcastically, eyebrow quirked. He looked so condescending and Louis’ hands clenched into fists. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you voice your opinions instead of just fucking perving at us from across the field?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever opinions I have about what Bucky does in his spare time are between me and him. You’re nothing but a stowaway that I have the misfortune of having to put up with.” Steve spat. His cheekbones were flushed an angry red and his chest was heaving with anger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Bucky protested. “This is going too fucking far. You both need to calm down and leave each other alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” Louis scrambled to stand up and Steve followed suit, easily towering over him. Louis didn’t look intimidated in the slightest. “I want to know why the fuck he’s here. You haven’t bothered to contact him in over a year, you selfish fucking asshole, so why are you here </span>
  <em>
    <span>now?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Louis yelled. His hands were shaking by his side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s none of your concern,” Steve replied through gritted teeth. He was in a defensive stance, shield gripped in his hand and ready to be used at a moments notice. Bucky stood slowly, eyes fixed on Steve. It didn’t feel like it was escalating to a point that he needed to intervene yet, but he wanted to be ready. He noticed Liam do the same. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> my concern, shithead, because it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>fr-boy- Jamie that you’re fucking with here,” Louis stammer over his words and despite the situation Bucky felt his heart stutter at Louis’ slip up. He was 100% sure Louis was going to say boyfriend and even though Bucky felt like he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>probably </span>
  </em>
  <span>too old for that title, he would take it in a heartbeat if Louis wanted him to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Your</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jamie now, is it?” Steve seethed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, you think you have some stupid claim over him because you grew up together? Because you dated, fucked— whatever it was that you did? You lost every right you had to say Jamie’s anything to you when you threw him to the wolves as soon as times got tough.” Louis was fully shaking with anger now, his hands clenched into fists and his face set in a permanent snarl. He looked like he would love nothing more than to jump over the fire and sock Steve one right in the face. Bucky thanked whatever Higher Being was out there that Louis was smart enough to realise that wouldn’t work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you think you’re any better? You’re just the first thing with a nice ass he came across that happened to not be dead.” Steve hissed and Bucky saw red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s fucking enough!” He screamed, rounding the fire to shove Steve back, away from Louis. They had both moved forward until they were practically on top of the flames. Bucky noticed Liam holding Louis by the arm and sent another silent prayer for Liam having his head screwed on straight. “You don’t get to talk to him like that. Your ma raised you better than that and she’d give you a fuckin’ slap across the head if she ever heard you say something like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now is not the time, Bucky,” Steve warned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s exactly the time! I don’t know what’s wrong with you but you have no </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Bucky shoved him, “to say shit like that.” Steve looked shocked, mouth opened slightly as he looked down at his chest, as if he wasn’t exactly sure what hit him. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but get it the fuck out because we’re not dealing with that shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, he’s allowed to say shit like that to me but I can’t—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Because he’s right!” Bucky shoved him again and Steve’s jaw clenched. “You let them throw me out, you left me for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>YEAR—” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Bucky went to shove him again, but his hands met metal instead. Steve shoved back at Bucky with his shield, his teeth gritted in determination. He let out a pained shout as Bucky grabbed it and yanked, not caring how it was attached to Steve’s body. He threw it as hard as he could into the woods, Steve’s desperate eyes following its movements. He heard the impact of the shield embedding itself into a tree and stalked forward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bucky,” Steve held his hands up in warning, but Bucky could hardly hear him. He was so focused, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>angry</span>
  </em>
  <span> that all he could hear was the beating of his own heart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His arm whirred to life, the plates clicking together as Bucky threw the first punch. Steve dodged but just barely, surprise still written over his features. It was soon replaced with anger as Bucky threw another punch, landing right on a rib. “I had </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Steve dodged another punch, but landed one on Bucky’s shoulder, “you didn’t even know if I was alive. Did you even care?” Bucky kicked out and swept Steve’s legs from under him. He dropped to the ground with a loud huff, kicking out at Bucky’s legs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I cared!” Steve yelled, rolling to dodge the sole of Bucky’s boot as he brought his foot down. “I was doing what was best for everyone at the time!” Steve rolled into a crouch, hurt leaking into his voice. But he was angry, Bucky could see it. There was shit he needed to say, too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a fucking coward, Steve,” Bucky pounced and landed a punch on Steve’s jaw. Steve retaliated with a kick to the stomach. “Where was the man who single handedly took down Azzano? Where was the man that survived an old fucking Hydra base—” Bucky landed another punch to the cheek, the skin busting open under his knuckles “— exploding? Where was the man that stood up for what was </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>, would take a swing at a guy for lookin’ at a lady wrong? Left pretty fuckin’ quick when I needed him most!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steve hit him square in the jaw and Bucky stumbled, feeling his mouth fill with blood. He spat it at Steve’s feet and sneered at him. “I’m not a fucking coward,” Steve panted, wiping at the blood on his own face. “If you calm down, I’ll explain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky let out a deep breath and spit more blood out of his mouth. His body was buzzing with adrenaline, thirsting for more, but he didn’t trust the part of himself that was coming from. Steve was still tense, poised to fight more if Bucky chose that path. It was weird, looking at Steve and seeing more of a stranger than the man he once knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jamie, you’re going to get hurt.” Louis’ soft voice cut through the fog in Bucky’s brain and his shoulders slumped, chest heaving as he cleared his head. “Let’s just sit down and we can all talk about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t— I can’t, not in front of you two,” Steve protested, shaking his head. His hair was glistening with sweat, beads of it streaking down his neck and staining the collar of his suit. “I’m going to— I’ll be back.” He exhaled shakily, meeting Bucky’s eyes for a brief moment. Bucky closed his eyes, embarrassed and ashamed, not fully understanding what he had just unleashed inside of himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go make sure he’s okay,” Liam sighed, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration. “I’ll keep my distance, but I’ll keep an eye on him.” Bucky nodded and Louis shooed him away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky lowered himself to the ground, burying his hands in his hair. He sighed shakily, his throat tight with emotion. His hands were shaking and he could still hear the roaring of his own heartbeat. “I don’t know…” He trailed off, unable to find the words. Louis approached him slowly, grabbing his hands and holding onto them tightly. Bucky tugged at his hands until Louis sat down, knees on either side of Bucky’s hips. Louis was drawing in shallow breaths, eyes frantic as they looked over Bucky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could’ve hurt yourself,” he admonished Bucky softly, running his fingertips along Bucky’s jaw. Bucky winced as the pressure ran over a forming bruise. Louis kissed the spot carefully. He exhaled sharply, burying his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck. “That was scary.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Bucky rubbed soothing circles on Louis’ back. Louis melted into his touch, digging his fingers in where they sat on Bucky’s waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t scare me,” Louis pressed a reassuring kiss to Bucky’s neck, “I was scared </span>
  <em>
    <span>for</span>
  </em>
  <span> you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be scared for me,” Bucky moved his hands up to Louis’ neck, directing him until they were sitting eye-to-eye. “I’m not easy to break.” He smiled, a small smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to be like everyone else that just expects you to be strong all the time because of who you are. You don’t have to pretend for me, Jamie.” He met Bucky’s lips with a shaky breath, trembling where he sat in Bucky’s lap. He was gripping Bucky’s wrist tightly, the plates begging to be able to shift.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me,” Bucky broke the kiss off, his chest heaving. His brain was doing the </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> again, so overwhelmed with emotions that he was bombarded with everything and nothing all at once. He needed to focus, to be grounded to reality and give his mind an opportunity to calm down. “Why did you wait until now to want to find your family? Please, I just need a distraction.” He added when Louis shot him a quizzical look. He softened at Bucky’s plea, running his fingers over Bucky’s arms as he settled himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me and Liam were in a quarantine zone of our own, out in Pennsylvania,” Louis started, tracing patterns on Bucky’s chest. “I’d been asking about my family for ages, if I could get in contact with them and make sure they were okay. They told me that I would be able to apply for a transfer when things settle down and I could be with them. It didn’t help me at all,” Louis scoffed, “because I didn’t know where they </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I knew they were just bullshitting me at that point, it had been months since I first started asking and I never got a clear answer; so I decided I was just going to leave and find them on my own. I asked Liam if he wanted to come with me -- his family had already been declared dead, and I was the closest thing he had left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We knew one of the guys who worked security, and he helped us sneak out. He gave us supplies, food, water and a knife. I knew the basic direction of where I was heading, but we didn’t have a map or transportation, just the survival skills of a couple of guys that watched a few episodes of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Man Vs. Wild. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. We weren’t used to having to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> shit like that, you know?” Bucky was watching Louis with sad eyes, reaching out to soothe whatever he could. It was clearly still raw for him, something he hadn’t talked about until now and hadn’t fully hit him. “I’d never killed a person before, and I know they’re not technically </span>
  <em>
    <span>people</span>
  </em>
  <span> anymore, but… it still felt like it. It was the longest couple of months of my life. But, we finally got to my Mum’s house. I wasn’t really surprised when they weren’t there, but we really needed a small win. I found her note that said they had gone to Tennessee - God knows why they decided to go </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span> of all places - so we got ready to go. We stayed at the house for a couple of days to regroup and get our energy back up, and we were back on the road.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even remember how long it was before we got to you. We were both so stressed and angry and just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>exhausted</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I was so close to my breaking point and I know Liam wasn’t far behind. You just happened to find us on one of our worst days. We got attacked by a few of the zombies and I don’t even know what happened, I think I tripped and I just… well, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You stabbed Liam in the thigh,” Bucky chuckled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Louis smiled. “Yeah, I did. I was convinced we were going to die then. We hadn’t even been going in the right direction, like fucking idiots. Probably would have made it to Georgia before I realised.” He rolled his eyes and Bucky smiled softly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get you there,” he promised, pressing a small kiss to Louis’ cheek. Louis flushed under the attention. “Until then, we should get some sleep. You’ve had a lot of fight in you today, and I bet you’re tired.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve </span>
  </em>
  <span>had a lot of fight in me today?” Louis scoffed. “Did you forget what just happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop being a smartass,” Bucky tapped on Louis’ thighs and Louis stood up, holding his hands out for Bucky to grab. Louis helped him stand up, using the leverage to pull him into a tight hug. Bucky melted into it with a relieved sigh. Louis’ arms wound around his waist and squeezed, the movement so grounding Bucky wanted to cry. “Let’s sleep,” Bucky whispered. He pressed a soft kiss to Louis’ forehead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye, aye, Sargent.” He saluted and Bucky smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They settled into their sleeping bags, Louis curling into Bucky’s chest and using him as a pillow. Bucky tightened his arms around Louis, so small and so vulnerable like that, and his insides felt like they were turning to mush. He felt like he was going insane, knew he was falling too hard and too quick, but couldn’t do anything to stop it. He didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to stop it. It was clear to him that Louis cared about him beyond his title and what Bucky could do for him. He cared about him as </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jamie</span>
  </em>
  <span>, for his stupid jokes and the animated way he told stories, the way his jaw clenched when he got serious and how Louis could make him drop that in a second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Liam come back soon after, chuckling softly as he spotted the pair cuddled into each other. He set up his own sleeping bag and fell asleep shortly after, shuffling around restlessly. Bucky wanted to stay awake until he heard Steve come back, but his eyes grew heavier and his breaths deepened to match his companions’. He was scared, deep down, that Steve would flee and never come back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was surprised to realise that the fear was far outweighed by relief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to speak to you, urgently.” Liam grumbled under his breath, eyeing Bucky with a concerned gaze. Liam had been on edge all day, but Bucky assumed it was because of him and Steve fighting the previous day. They were both sporting bruises today, and the cut on Steve’s cheek was already starting to heal. Steve had grunted a greeting when Liam wished him a good morning, and avoided Bucky’s eyes. He had been doing more </span>
  <em>
    <span>stomping</span>
  </em>
  <span> than walking all day, scowling as he scouted out the safest way for the group to take.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Bucky whispered back, keeping an eye on Louis and Steve. Steve was leading the pack, his shield securely strapped to his arm -- barely a scratch on it, Bucky couldn’t help but be disappointed -- and Louis was trailing behind, trying to be subtle as he stared at the shield. He was such an idiot but it made Bucky’s day every time he was caught doing something he was trying to be subtle about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s very important that no one hears us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky hummed in thought, looking at the men in front of them then down at Liam. “Tell me that your leg is hurting and you need me to take a look at it. Say it normally though, so Steve will hear it. I don’t want him to get suspicious,” He instructed softly. Liam nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Bucky,” Liam started conversationally, and Bucky fought the urge to snort. “My leg is playing up, can you have a look at it for me? I don’t know if it’s the stitches or because of how much we’ve travelled.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course.” He winked and Liam rolled his eyes. “Hey, guys!” He called out and both men stopped in their tracks. “Liam’s leg is hurting, I’m going to have a look at it. Do you wanna go ahead and scout for us? Maybe see if there’s anywhere to get supplies?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would rather gouge my own eyeball out with a knitting needle.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Louis!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” he groaned in distaste. “Let’s go, frisbee boy.” Steve huffed but obliged, leading Louis forward with one last look thrown at Bucky. He couldn’t decipher what it meant, if he was displeased or suspicious, but as long as he couldn’t hear them, it didn’t matter to Bucky either way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as they were out of earshot, Bucky turned to Liam with a sigh. “Explain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When I went out to check on Steve last night, I heard him talking to someone,” Liam blurted and Bucky frowned. “I thought maybe he was talking to himself but then I heard another voice and some static, like—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like a radio?” Bucky interrupted. Liam nodded solemnly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying, but I heard Steve say something about an extraction and there being setbacks. He said something like ‘he’s different, something’s changed.’ It ended quickly after that and I waited a bit before I went up to him, but… it didn’t sound good.” Liam’s mouth was set in a thin line, his eyes sad as he watched Bucky. “I don’t know why he’s here, but Louis had good reason to be suspicious. It doesn’t sound good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Louis was suspicious because he doesn’t like him,” Bucky muttered, turning away from Liam. If Steve truly did have access to a radio, why was he out there with them? Why would he go from DC and tough it out in the woods? If it was to just get Bucky and take him back to DC, why? Surely, it would have been easier to say that from the start? “We should keep going, I don’t want him to get suspicious. I’ll mention it tonight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Liam agreed, resting a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That your friend isn’t who you thought he was. It’s hard when they change so much they’re hardly unrecognisable.” Liam squeezed Bucky’s shoulder and dropped his hand, clearing his throat awkwardly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Liam. I know it’s probably been awkward for you with Louis and I, but you’ve been a huge help for me.” Bucky admitted. Liam nodded, his eyes shining with emotion. He pulled Bucky into a hug, ignoring Bucky’s amused huff. “You’ve become a good friend to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You too, buddy.” Liam clapped him on his back before stepping back and dropping his arms. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, pal.” Bucky smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Louis stuck to Bucky and Liam’s side the rest of the day, citing his time left alone with Steve as traumatic. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at his dramatics, pushing the guilty feeling away until he got to the bottom of what Steve was talking about and </span>
  <em>
    <span>who</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was talking to. It was clear more now than ever that Bucky no longer knew who Steve was, or what his motives were. He didn’t think he had to feel guilty about distancing himself from that until he knew the truth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sun set later than usual, giving the men time to cover more ground than usual. According to Bucky’s map, they were around a day or two off their target. They were exhausted, ready to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> there already. It had been a long and harrowing journey for them, and Bucky knew Louis was antsy to finally get to his family. He had pondered if they had maybe been too late, if his family would even still be in that zone, but he kept those thoughts to himself. It would do nothing but stress Louis out and upset him, both scenarios that Bucky was actively trying to avoid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t help that Bucky hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Liam said, overhearing talk of an “extraction.” It was obvious he was in contact with </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span>, whether it be from DC or not, and clearly he was looking for Bucky for a reason. He was torn between relief -- if Steve was still in contact with people, it meant that everything hadn’t gone to shit like Bucky had first thought -- and fear -- what did they want with him? They hadn’t cared enough to find a way to contact him directly about any requests, and sending Steve felt like a calculated move. None of the old team would have expected Bucky to be able to say no to Steve, but they also had no idea about the kind of person Bucky had become. None of them would have expected him to change as much as he had in such a short amount of time. Surely, a couple of random travellers recruiting Bucky on a mission of their own ever crossed their minds when they drew up the plan of how to get rid of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky kept his rifle close to him that night, just in case. The atmosphere was tense, Louis not understanding what was going on and Liam throwing Bucky pointed looks every so often. Bucky really had to teach him about the art of subtlety. Steve had elected to sit by the fire with them, shield leaning against a nearby tree. He seemed relaxed, overly so, and it set Bucky more on edge. The tension felt like it was reaching its apex, holding its breath to see who would make the first move. Unsurprisingly, it was Louis.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on? Why’s everyone acting weird?” He demanded, eyes flicking between the three men around him. Liam, once again, stared at Bucky, who was resolutely staring at Steve. Steve shrugged his shoulders and shovelled more beans into his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one’s acting weird,” Liam argued, voice squeaky. Bucky rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a bad liar.” Louis pouted, moving his attention to Bucky. Bucky shifted uncomfortably, avoiding Louis’ eye. “Jamie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky sighed, digging his fingers into his hair and scratching his scalp. “Steve’s been lying to us.” He announced. Louis’ neck cracked with the speed he looked at Steve, a distrusting frown already etching itself between his brows. Steve stopped eating, slowly lowering the cans of bean to the ground and looking at Bucky with confusion and betrayal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Steve asked, but Bucky could hear his heart starting to race. Steve was never a good liar, not before the war and certainly not after. It wasn’t something Bucky had had to use against him for ever, but it was going to work in his favour now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell us why you came here,” Bucky demanded, voice unwavering, leaving no room for debate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steve fishmouthed, stammering out a response. “I--I don’t know what you mean. I went to look for you and you, the cabin was empty. You left the note--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But why were you </span>
  <em>
    <span>looking</span>
  </em>
  <span> for me?” Bucky interrupted, his palm starting to itch. He felt so stupid, so naive for not questioning Steve at the start. He was just so excited to see his old friend, to know that he wasn’t dead and hadn’t forgotten about him, that he hadn’t even stopped to think </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bucky,” Steve sighed. “You’re my best friend--” His eyes widened as Bucky reached for his rifle, reloading it and pointing it directly at his chest. Steve looked desperately at his shield, still leaning against the tree. “Bucky, what the fuck?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me why you’re here. No bullshit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steve grunted in frustration. “I told you I wanted to speak to you </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but you’ve been too busy--” Steve waved his hand in Louis’ direction and Louis flipped him off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to know now. Audience or not,” Bucky challenged. Steve exhaled a controlled breath, and Bucky could see the cogs turning in his brain. “I know you have a radio and I know you’ve been speaking to a third party. Tell me why, or I swear to God I will shoot you right here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jamie,” Louis gasped, putting a comforting hand on Bucky’s thigh. Bucky shook his head and Louis dropped his hand, shuffling closer to Liam, out of the danger zone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is your extraction mission?” Bucky asked again, raising his voice. Steve couldn’t look at him, eyes trained solely at the ground in front of him. It was fuelling the fire of rage in Bucky. “Answer me!” He yelled, raising himself into a crouch. He had two advantages against Steve now. He could see Liam reaching for one of his knives, Louis following suit with a hand on his gun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“DC…” Steve sighed. “Bruce is still leading a team in DC to try to find a cure for this whole mess. Trials were going okay, but they needed an extra kick. I had the idea of using my blood, or even seeing if we could separate what makes up the serum and use that in the cure. We couldn’t make a new serum, but it’s in my blood, they could extract it easily. It seemed like it was working at first, but they… they all died. It was horrible. The serum was too strong, drove them insane if it wasn’t compatible with them. You know how specific Erskine was with who got the serum,” Steve cleared his throat and rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. “We gave it to them in smaller doses, and it worked with </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> aspects of the virus, but it still led to the same thing eventually. It needed to be a proper dose to be fully operational.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then Bruce had the idea of using yours. Your blood, your serum. We knew from the tests that had been done previously, it was similar to mine, but it had enough differences that we thought it could actually work. We could give people bigger doses without killing them or driving them insane, but it would hopefully have the same effects against the virus. They sent me out to the cabin on the Quinjet, and when I saw your note, we went to Union City,” Steve took a swig of water and Bucky’s brain was working overtime. He should’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>known</span>
  </em>
  <span> that those noises he was hearing was a Quinjet. They were so familiar, but he just couldn’t put his finger on them. Now it all made sense. “When you weren’t there, and the attendant said you hadn’t arrived at all, I went back to the cabin and started on foot. It took me a couple of days to catch up. They gave me a radio to check in every twelve hours, to see how my progress was going. Honestly, I found you mostly by accident. I followed the trail of the undead and would’ve walked straight past your camp if you hadn’t found me in the woods.” His mouth twitched in a small smile and Bucky wanted to slap it off his face. He said it like it was a funny anecdote, as if he hadn’t just sent Bucky hurtling into a whirlpool of his own emotions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you-- why didn’t you get communications to me sooner? If it was that easy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buck,” Steve looked sad, his eyes filled with regret. “We barely realised. We didn’t have the time to make outgoing contact, and we just assumed we weren’t getting any incoming contact. By the time we realised that your system was broken, we already had the idea for using the serum as a cure. We tried to reach out to you and when we didn’t get anything, we knew we fucked up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that supposed to make me feel better? You were too </span>
  <em>
    <span>busy</span>
  </em>
  <span> to care if I was dead or not?” Bucky scoffed, his hands shaking on the rifle. His eyes burned with the threat of tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t like that Bucky!” Steve exploded, his face flushed with anger. “Do you understand the pressure we were under? Everyone is looking to us to solve this thing, it’s our number one priority! It doesn’t matter how important you are to any of us, that priority can’t shift.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So important that none of you cared to fight for me to stay?” Bucky’s voice was dripping with malice. His breaths were coming out short, his throat tight with tears. The excuses he had been feeding himself since Steve had shown up seemed irrelevant in that moment, with Steve trying to explain away how much Bucky had been hurting. He was nothing but a second thought, yet again. They hadn’t even considered him until he could do something for them. Typical SHIELD, typical Avengers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was a mistake,” Steve admitted softly, head hanging in shame. “If I could take it back, I would.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why? Because now you know I could be of use to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bucky, please,” Steve pleaded. “All they’re asking for is some blood so we can test it with a few people. If it doesn’t work, we’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want. If you want, you can come back with us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would I want to do that? I’m seen as nothing but a pest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not--that’s not true, Buck.” Steve shook his head. “Please, just help us with this one thing. I talked to the board, all they’re asking for is one pint. If it goes well, there might be negotiations for more, but we just. We need this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky shook his head and lowered the rifle, sinking back to the floor. Steve truly only came for him to use him as some sort of </span>
  <em>
    <span>experiment</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They had always promised that he would never have to be that again, never be reduced to what he could do for science. And yet they had left him in the dark, only really thought of him when he was of use again. Steve was nothing like the person Bucky once knew. There was nothing left of integrity. He was just another SHIELD drone, doing what he was asked when he was asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If… if you can help us, I can probably convince them to let me take your friends to Union City with the Quinjet,” Steve added when Bucky’s silence had dragged on for too long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going with you. If you take us to Union City, I’ll give you the blood. If it works, you can get into contact with me and I will go to DC.” Bucky decided. Steve nodded, and although his eyes still held sadness, he was sitting up straighter. His shoulders were set with determination. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll let them know your terms.” Steve pulled a radio out of one of his large pockets, turning it on and scanning through the channels. Bucky felt breathless all of a sudden. He really did have a radio the whole time, had probably been sneaking off when the rest of them were asleep to make contact with the team in DC. All those times he was “scouting ahead”, he was probably just using the distance to contact them safely. Bucky felt like an idiot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Louis sat down next to Bucky again, threading his fingers through Bucky’s hair. He massaged his scalp and Bucky melted, leaning his head on Louis’ shoulder. Louis’ soft touch calmed him, his thoughts becoming clearer and his hands easing their shaking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” Bucky whispered, pressing a kiss to Louis’ neck. “But I’ll be okay once we get to Union City.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I wasn’t self aware enough to know he could snap me like a twig, I would kick his ass,” Louis grumbled, scratching his nails down Bucky’s neck. He shivered at the sensation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He can hear you, you know,” Bucky smiled and Louis scoffed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky could hear Steve talking on the radio, the voice coming back through clearly Bruce. It hurt all over again, knowing the people in DC who saw nothing in Bucky if he couldn’t be a help to them. He had always liked Bruce, the quiet and controlled way in which he conducted himself, and always thought they had a deeper understanding of each other because of what they’d been through. Maybe Bucky was just too trusting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’ve agreed,” Steve announced a few minutes later. He looked so giddy, so excited to have gotten what he wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can tone it down, pal.” Louis muttered and Steve’s smile slowly fell from his face. Bucky squeezed Louis’ thigh in silent gratitude. “When are we leaving?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They can be here within the hour,” Steve answered, fiddling with the radio nervously. “I’m sorry. To you all. I shouldn’t have lied, I didn’t know what to do in this situation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t care that you lied to us,” Liam was the one to respond, shaking his head. “We care about Bucky and don’t appreciate how he was treated, now or then. We’re grateful for the ride to Union City, but that’s as far as we will extend it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand.” Steve bit his lip, avoiding looking at the men in front of him. “I’m going to find an area we can meet them in that’ll be a bit easier than lowering a ladder.” He left without another word or glance, grabbing his shield and heading out into the woods. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never thought Captain America would be a jerk,” Liam said, disappointment clear in his voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here you were, ‘be nice to Captain America, Louis. He’s big and strong and loves the American people.’ Dickhead.” Louis mocked. Bucky snorted a laugh and Louis smiled down at him, brushing his thumb over Bucky’s cheek tenderly. Bucky kissed the pad off his finger, returning the smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, I can’t fucking wait not to be a third wheel anymore,” Liam groaned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s a larger clearing less than a mile from here, I’ve directed them to land the Quinjet there,” Steve announced to the group, approaching the campsite again. “They’ll be quicker than I expected, we should start packing up and heading over.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky nodded and stood up, pulling Louis with him. Steve helped them pack up their gear, shoving everything back in their packs and extinguishing the fire. It didn’t feel real, somehow, that their journey was coming to an end so quickly. Bucky wanted to stay in Union City with Louis and Liam, wanted to meet Louis’ family and hear all the embarrassing stories about him they had to share. He wanted to share warm food at a big table surrounded by people he cared about, who he would come to care about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t help but watch Louis as they packed up. He was practically bouncing with excitement, the prospect of seeing his family again hitting him, too. They had the easiest ticket to the quarantine zone they could have possibly gotten, and although the circumstances were less than ideal, Bucky was glad the pieces fell into place that way. He would have done it either way -- he wasn’t that much of an asshole that he wouldn’t do something that would potentially help cure a disease that had the ability to wipe out the human race -- but knowing that he had made it that much easier for Louis to have that reunion… it felt like a win in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They made their way to the landing zone hand in hand, Louis throwing his other arm around Liam’s shoulders and pulling him into a side hug. They were laughing and Bucky couldn’t help but smile, too. It felt surreal, almost too good to be true, but they were still on cloud nine. Steve walked in front of them, leading the way and Bucky couldn’t help but notice the tense set of his shoulders and his almost angry gait. He couldn’t find it within himself to feel guilty. It became obvious to him that he and Steve had both created lives separate from each other, and neither one of them managed to make space for each other. Bucky never thought he would have reached a time in his life where there wasn’t a space for Steve, but they had both changed too much to </span>
  <em>
    <span>fit</span>
  </em>
  <span> with each other anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steve came to a stop at the edge of a large clearing, gesturing for the others to wait there. “They’re not too far off, it’s best if we stay out of the way,” he instructed. He stood away from the rest of them as they waited, shifting his weight from foot to foot, clearly restless. He seemed to be as eager to get back to DC as they were to get to Union City. The radio pinged and a staticy voice came through, announcing their intent to land.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cover your ears,” Bucky suggested and let go of Louis’ hand so he could do just that. Bucky could hear the drone of the engine as the Quinjet approached, the trees around them shaking in the wind from the rotors. He saw the lights next, lighting up the field, almost blinding after walking in the almost pitch black darkness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That is the coolest thing I have ever seen!” Louis yelled over the noise of the engine and Bucky beamed at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The jet finally landed and lowered the main door. There was a man in dark tac gear and a gas mask waving them in. Steve gestured for them to go ahead of him, keeping an eye on the surrounding area for any undead. Louis and Liam uncovered their ears once they were on board, eyes wide and bright as they took in the interior of the jet. There were only a few people on board, none that Bucky recognised, but they were all watching him with disdain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was already a drip set up in the corner of the jet and Bucky wandered over there with a sigh. He dropped his pack and stripped off his jacket and turtleneck. Steve followed him over, readying the supplies as Bucky got himself comfortable. “Thank you for this, Bucky.” He cleaned the area he was going to stick the needle in and goosebumps erupted across Bucky’s skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to thank me,” Bucky grunted as the needle pierced his skin. “What was your plan if we didn’t find out about the radio?” He asked. Steve hung his head and sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, honestly. Get to Union City, ask you when we got there? I wasn’t expecting anything that you threw at me. You’ve always been a real curveball,” he choked out a laugh and Bucky offered him a melancholy smile. “I’m also such a bad liar.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Bucky agreed through a wet laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened to us? We never had a problem with silences before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You stopped caring about me,” Bucky shrugged. “A lot of shit happened, we both changed. It happens. I just wish I realised it sooner so I didn’t feel like such a fool.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not a fool,” Steve argued, taping the needle in place. “We should be there in about an hour and a half, I would recommend having a nap. But I’m going to go before your boyfriend rips my head off.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s not--” Bucky argued but Steve ignored him and retreated to a different area of the jet, striking up a conversation with a fellow SHIELD drone, Bucky assumed. Sure enough, Louis wandered over to Bucky, trying to act casually about it. “Hi, little one.” He smiled and Louis flicked him in the chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t call me that where Steve can hear,” Louis hissed and Bucky huffed a laugh. He drew Louis into a half hug, running the tips of his metal fingers down Louis’ arm. He shivered at the touch and Bucky buried his face in Louis’ hair, hiding a smile. “It doesn’t really feel real, that I’m going to be seeing my family so soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a long time,” Bucky soothed, pressing a kiss to Louis’ forehead. “I wouldn’t expect it to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Louis agreed through a yawn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep, little one,” Bucky whispered, soft enough that he knew Steve wouldn’t be able to hear. “I’ll nap with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You better,” Louis threatened and Bucky chuckled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He settled further into the seat, Louis curling up next to him and using his thighs as a pillow. Bucky continued tracing patterns onto Louis’ arm until the drones of the jet engines lulled him into sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He jolted awake not too long after, startling and waking Louis up with him. One of the SHIELD goons was standing by him, looking guilty. The needle had been removed from his arm and his blood was nowhere to be seen, probably already stored safe and sound to be transported to DC. They never did fuck around when it came to getting what they wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sat up properly and watched as Louis rubbed sleep from his eyes, his hair sticking up in all directions. Liam was on the row of seating opposite them, wiping drool away from the side of his mouth. He would make sure to tell Louis about that later for teasing ammunition. Steve was leaving the cockpit, no longer dressed in the Captain America suit. He was wearing a simple jeans and t-shirt combo and was holding a duffel bag.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s a bunch of clothes in here that should fit you all,” he passed the duffel bag to Louis. It was an olive branch if Bucky had ever seen one. Louis took it carefully, swallowing roughly as he met Steve’s eye, probably for the first time since they had met.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Rogers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No problem,” Steve offered him a strained smile and Bucky rolled his eyes. At least they were trying. He held out a radio to Bucky and he couldn’t help but raise a doubtful brow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This one work?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Steve’s turn to roll his eyes. “Yes, it works. If for some reason it doesn’t, you can use the equipment they have in the Zone. I’ll contact you through that if your blood works, we’ll probably be able to get them to collect more here, but you could be needed in DC. Once we know, we can offer you the choice.” Steve chose his words carefully, and Bucky appreciated the effort to make it seem like he had room to decline, even though they both knew he didn’t. “I wanted to apologise again, for it all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want your apologies,” Bucky shook his head. “They don’t mean much to me anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Understandable.” He nodded professionally. “We’re right outside the Zone, I’ve already had a talk with them and there’ll be an escort at the gate for you. If you run into any troubles, let me know. Or, you know,” Steve grinned, “you can always throw your title around. Holds a lot of weight around these parts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll do that one.” Bucky stood slowly, ensuring he wasn’t feeling light headed. Steve was watching him carefully, and nodded in satisfaction when he was steady on his feet. “I think it’s time we head off then, right?” He asked. Louis beamed and nodded, taking Bucky’s hand in his. Bucky grabbed his jacket and turtleneck, throwing it over his other arm. Liam joined them at the door of the jet, clapping Louis on the shoulder. Bucky could feel the butterflies in his stomach, nervous at meeting Louis’ family, but more excited to see him that happy. Louis’ excitement was contagious, the three of them rushing to get to the gate of the Zone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a woman standing there ready to greet them, her eyes soft and welcoming as she took in the three of them. “Welcome, gentlemen. I hope your travels have been safe and well. We have a few more procedures until we take you into the main part of the Zone, if you could follow me.” She turned quickly and started heading down a long corridor. The artificial light was so harsh it hurt to look at, Bucky squinting as they were led into a large room. There was a metal desk along one wall, covered in papers and surrounded by boxes. There was a small gurney shoved against the other wall next to a small cabinet of medical supplies. “My name is Amelia, I’m a nurse here at the Union City Zone. It’s the procedure here that we have to check you over for bites, nothing too intrusive, just the main areas.” She smiled stiffly. “Once I’ve confirmed you are not infected, I’ll be sending a clerk in to process some forms. It won’t be a long process, but it’s a necessary one, you understand?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, ma’am,” Bucky responded. He took the duffel bag from Louis, dropping it to the floor along with his own jacket and shirt. He stripped off his wife beater, followed by his pants. Amelia had averted her eyes as the three men stripped, fiddling around with papers and stacking them on three different clipboards. Louis and Liam followed suit, shucking off their layers and dropping them into a pile on the floor. Louis was blushing and Bucky winked down at him. Louis whacked him in the chest and Bucky laughed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amelia turned to them with a smile. “It’s lovely seeing people from the outside so happy. Most of the ones we have coming in are a miserable lot.” She approached Liam first and looked him over, checking there were no bites. She had him turn to check his back and legs. She wrote some things down on her clipboard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think we were lucky compared to a lot of people,” Louis answered honestly, shifting uncomfortably as he checked him for bites. She gestured for him to spin and he let out a deep breath, spinning and nudging Bucky when he noticed him watching. “Eyes up front, Jamie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sir!” Bucky saluted and Louis snorted trying to hold back a laugh. Amelia scribbled on Louis’ clipboard and moved on to Bucky. Her eyes widened as she noticed the metal arm, recognition washing over her features. She didn’t bother with the rest of the exam for him, ticking the right boxes and writing an extra comment down the bottom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good news is, you’re all clear. There’s a couple of injuries that are causes for concern, but a nurse or doctor will summon you tomorrow to discuss that in further detail. We want to get you comfortable and settled in as soon as possible,” she explained. “I’ll get the clerk for you while you get dressed. Should just be a moment.” She offered them another smile and left the room, closing the door tightly behind her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They redressed, Bucky laughing every time one of them bumped limbs and cursed. It just made him feel young again, being in a serious situation but not being able to hold back your laughter. He was happy, genuinely happy, and he couldn’t help himself. He handed Louis his jacket back instead of Nat’s, and Louis beamed at him like he had given him the best gift in the entire world. It absolutely swallowed him when he put it on and Bucky smiled tenderly at him. Liam laughed and Louis swatted him in the face with the extra sleeve his arm didn’t reach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello, gentleman.” Another woman entered the room, her face pinched in a permanent scowl. She looked like it was a chore to be there, barely glancing at the men as she looked over their clipboards. “You,” she pointed at Liam, “name?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Liam Payne. Ma’am,” he added as an afterthought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Louis Tomlinson,” Louis answered before he was asked, and despite her arched brow, she didn’t comment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“James Barnes, ma’am.” He answered, watching her write it down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can allocate you a space for you to share, any requests to be re-housed will have to be submitted tomorrow and have an official clerk accept or deny the request. If there are any outstanding circumstances, they must all be listed. You cannot make changes to the form once it’s submitted. You can submit another form after a week, no less,” she droned, bored as if she had given this speech a million times before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ma’am, I was wondering if I could possibly find out if my family is here? I was told this was the place they would be coming to, but I haven’t had a way to check in--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can’t give out that information, sir.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But, they’re my family, can’t I--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s confidential.” She shut him down again and Louis looked defeated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ma’am, it is his </span>
  <em>
    <span>family</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Surely you are able to tell him if they’re here?” Liam asked, rubbing a comforting hand on Louis’ shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid that’s on a need-to-know basis, now--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, I have been granted the highest security clearance and signed off on this Zone </span>
  <em>
    <span>personally</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I need to know if anyone by the name of Tomlinson--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or Deakin,” Louis whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-- or Deakin is currently residing here.” He stood up straight and rested his hands on his hips. Her gaze dropped down to the metal arm and she blanched.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, sir. Give me one moment and I’ll look through the records.” She apologised, placing their clipboards on the desk and dragging one of the boxes closer to her. She flipped through a few manila folders, finally pulling out one and waving it triumphantly. “The Tomlinson-Deakin family checked in clear and without any outstanding medical conditions. They’re currently still residing in this Zone in a house that was deemed suitable for a family that size.” She read off the report. Louis let out a dry sob. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, ma’am. If I could get directions to that house, or even an escort, it would be much appreciated.” Bucky smiled at her and she blushed, but nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Sergeant Barnes. I’ll organise an escort to get you there straight away.” She grabbed at the radio clipped onto her belt. “Jensen, get your ass in here now. I need you to escort Sergeant Barnes and his companions to the Tomlinson household.” The voice on the other end of the radio responded with an affirmative and she smiled at the men in front of her. “I have care packages for each of you, I’ll have them sent to the Tomlinson household. Tomorrow, we will organise an orientation for you, and also organise proper placement for you -- assuming you are not planning on staying in the Tomlinson household?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can discuss that with you properly tomorrow, emotions are running a bit high today,” Bucky answered, extending his hand for her to shake. “Thank you for your help, ma’am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s my honor, Sergeant Barnes.” She shook his hand with unbridled enthusiasm. Blessedly, a knock at the door interrupted them. “That must be Jensen, he’ll take good care of you gentlemen.” She opened the door and ushered Jensen in. He looked confused at her frantic movements, until he spotted Bucky. He stood rigid, his hand hovering by his shoulder as if he was confused if he should shake Bucky’s hand or salute him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bucky put the kid out of his misery, extending his hand. “Nice to meet you, Jensen. Thank you for escorting us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sergeant Barnes, honor to meet you, sir,” Jensen kept his handshake short and professional, but his eyes were shining. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Since when was Jamie a celebrity?” Louis muttered to Liam. Liam shushed him and Bucky grinned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you could all follow me, please.” Jensen opened the door for them, waiting in the corridor as they collected their belongings. He made small talk as he walked them through the maze of corridors, finally leading out through two large, sealed doors. He tapped a key card and the doors buzzed, the lock unlatching. “We can provide you one of these cards at your request, Sergeant Barnes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get back to you on that.” Jensen nodded at Bucky’s response, and didn’t push it any further.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The large doors led them outside, a large grassy area filled with crops and chicken coops. It was much bigger than Bucky thought it would be, even when they were planning the various zones, and he heard either Liam or Louis gasp at the sight. There were buildings that were clearly part of the previous setup, ones that were in the middle of being built, and others that had clearly been knocked up in a day or two. Further in the distance, Bucky could hear the distinct bellow of a cow. Jensen explained what some of the main buildings were, assuring them it would all be covered in their orientation session, before telling them some of his favourite stories from his time in the Zone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They finally came to a stop in front of a large house, the windows lit up brightly. Louis’ hands were shaking and Bucky held them in his, whispering assurances in his ear as Jensen knocked on the front door. Liam was standing on Louis’ other side, rubbing a hand over his back. A young girl opened the door and Louis inhaled sharply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good evening, ma’am. I’m sorry to interrupt your family time, but I was instructed to escort some visitors to your home. I believe they’re to stay with you tonight, if you can afford the space,” Jensen said, his tone just as bright and cheery as it was with Bucky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” the young lady responded, opening the front door all the way. Bucky dropped Louis’ hands as Jensen stepped to the side, giving her a full view of her visitors. “Oh, my God.” Her mouth dropped open in shock and her eyes immediately filled with tears. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Louis</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” She yelled and bounded down the stairs, arms open and ready for a hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Louis pulled her into a hug, tears staining his cheeks. Bucky’s own eyes welled up with tears as he watched their reunion. He turned to Liam and noticed he was the same. More people started filing out of the front door at the commotion, embracing whoever they could get their hands on. Jensen looked delighted as some of Louis’ family members hugged him tightly. “Come inside, come in!” One of them -- Bucky couldn’t tell who, it was like the Tomlinson’s were their own little army -- called out and one by one, they started filing inside. Bucky stopped to thank Jensen and closed the door behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt awkward all of a sudden, in a room surrounded by people who already knew each other. They were all talking excitedly over each other, laughing and crying as they filled each other in on what had happened in the last year of their lives. Louis was </span>
  <em>
    <span>glowing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, smiling so hard, his eyes crinkled. It made Bucky’s stomach swoop and his heart flutter as he watched Louis in his element, surrounded by his family, the people he loved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guys, guys!” Louis shouted over the noise and everyone quieted down, watching him with amazed faces. “I want to introduce you all to--” Louis faltered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bucky</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he mouthed and Louis grinned. “Bucky. He’s the only reason me and Liam were able to get here safely. He is also my boyfriend so please be nice to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A chorus of excited “Bucky!”s rang out across the room, Louis’ family moving in to embrace him and thank him for helping Louis. Bucky couldn’t help but blush, returning hugs and kisses and insisting it was no big deal. His heart was so full, having Louis’ family accept him so quickly and wholeheartedly. It was obvious they had a lot of love to share, but Bucky felt like it was a privilege that he was at the receiving end.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were ushered to the dining room table, dragging other chairs over and squishing in so they all could fit. Louis’ mum got them all glasses of water and fresh fruit from the kitchen, passing them around and settling in to listen to Louis (very dramatically) recall tales of their travels. He, thankfully, didn’t include the part about them almost getting robbed and Bucky killing two men, or the large group they took down, but he bragged about how strong Bucky was and how he took on “over a dozen” of the undead himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat there for hours, even after Louis’ mum sent the younger ones off to bed, sharing stories and getting to know each other even more. Bucky talked more about his family and how he was growing up, working on the docks and saving as much money as he could to buy his Mum the best presents you could get in the early 1900s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Louis held his hand under the table, unable to stop smiling as Bucky got along like a house on fire with his family. His eyes were shining brighter than the sun and Bucky couldn’t help but smile back at him, wanting nothing in the world more than basking in the glory that was Louis’ joy. He had fallen quickly and he had fallen hard, but he couldn’t deny that the soaring feeling in his chest every time he looked at Louis was anything less than love. They may have had an unconventional start, but there was no one in this world Bucky wanted to protect more than Louis. He had become the sole focus of Bucky’s attention, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter what happened in their future, if Bucky had to go to DC to help with the cure, or if they had to live out the rest of their days in the quarantine zone, he knew that as long as he had Louis by his side, he would be happy. Louis had become home to him. It didn’t matter where he was in the world, as long as Louis was there, he would be home. Surrounded by the man he loved and the people he knew would welcome him as family, he just knew -- this is what his life was supposed to be. The pieces had come together, and Bucky had found his place in the world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finally felt free.</span>
</p>
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